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I get that you care, but you are being a Helicopter Brother, back off, she acknowledged hoping that would prevent others from doing the same.........that didn't work.
If you are so concerned ask her is she wants to go for a walk and catch up?
No big deal. She's just not insecure as you are about weight. 15 lbs isn't gonna kill anybody. Neither will another 15 or 15 more. You just don't like how it looks. But since it's not looking like that on you then worry about what is (on you).
Certain males are known for being fearful or insecure about a healthy amount of fat on their women. And then there's the other males who are actually attracted to it. Worry about you. That's YOUR thing. Not hers. If she's smart... she'll know that... shrug it off... laugh... and won't care. And move on.
My worry is that this'll snowball. First it's 15, then she comes home for spring break and its another 15, then she comes home and its another 15. My parents are a little concerned too how laissez faire she is about this. If I were in her position I'd want someone to voice concerns to me
It's a valid concern. The fact of the matter is that unless you make a conscious effort not to, you're going to end up obese in America by the time you're 30. Unless your sister was really underweight, putting on an extra 15 pounds at 19 over the course of six months is a really bad sign of things to come. Part of me agrees with the posters who tell you to say nothing .. weight is a really sensitive issue.. but you're her brother. Not saying anything is akin to watching someone drink too much and saying nothing. She's going to eat herself to a much lower quality of life very soon. She may very well put on another 15 pounds in a another six months -- that's 30 extra pounds ... may not kill her, but it will severely limit her dating and sadly even career options. I'd say something. Now is the time for her to decide if she's going to act like a disciplined adult and indulge in rich food sensibly or if she's going to act like a typical American and eat way, way more than what is reasonable of rich, garbage food.
Another point -- I'm sure what I'm about to type is going to make me a villain in the eyes of many because my thinking on this is so out of step from the typical American mindset. I have some firsthand experience with this exact issue .. only not with my sister, but my sister-in-law (even more removed). My wife is the oldest of six sisters .. most of which are about 40 pounds over their ideal weight.
They were all thin as teens and early 20s -- looked great for their weddings, but after that .. typical American diet caught up with them by the time they were 30. My youngest sister in law put on 15 to 20 pounds when she was 20. (She started dating a southern guy and got really used to unreasonable portions of admittedly delicious southern deep fried and sugary staples.) She came to stay with us for a few months, and I told her she didn't look as good as used to and she should make a decision at this point in her life to break with the norm and only eat rich food now and then (not every day) in smaller portions. I wasn't a jerk about how I told her. I was just looking down the line and realized she was going to be depressed about her weight and have lower self esteem if she continued on the path she was on ... she was easily going to put on another 20 in a year or two and spend the rest of her life lamenting about her lost good looks. Why go through that when avoiding it is so easy?
I got pretty fat when I was in my early 30s (when my diet finally caught up with me) ... not anywhere near fat by American standards ... only 30 pounds over my ideal weight, so many people didn't even think I was overweight . After two years of that, I had enough so I cut out the snacks, started eating three healthy meals a day and increased my exercise. I was down to my ideal weight after less than four months... my sister in law saw this, so what I said had some credibility with her. She asked me what she should do to maintain a healthy weight. We spent the next several weeks reading about nutrition, watching videos and exercising. Nothing too extreme -- just getting a basic education in health. She shed the pounds, went home skinny -- my wife got involved too. She finally lost the "baby weight" ... which was 10 years old by that time. Now, my wife and her youngest sister are the "skinny" ones.
The others who are fat (none of them fat by American standards mind you... only 40 pounds or so of extra cushion ) envy them. One sister in particular -- who was always the pretty one -- is pretty depressed about her looks. She's not as hot as she used to be as she's sad about that. Her husband -- who was also good looking -- is looking like a chubby slob these days. He was complaining to me that they don't have sex anymore. Well, I wonder why... neither make an effort to look good for each other. Yes, they're also going to die younger and have more health complications later in life, but the fact of the matter is that extra pounds diminishes the quality of your life.
I don't regret saying something, and my youngest sister in law doesn't hate me for it. She says I'm her favorite brother in law.
On the flipside, I look at old pictures of myself and think, "Gawd, I thought I was fat back then but I was gorgeous." I honestly think that if I'd just been happy with who I was and worked to maintain a reasonable weight, I wouldn't have ended up gaining. It's all the screwy diets and trying to get to a completely unattainable weight that messed my metabolism up.
WestCobb, that's actually a nice story. I think if the person opens the door for the conversation, like the OP's sister, encouraging them to be proactive is fine. As long as we're not overstepping our boundaries, and we're being sensitive to the person. And if they make it clear the conversation is over, then it's over.
On the flipside, I look at old pictures of myself and think, "Gawd, I thought I was fat back then but I was gorgeous." I honestly think that if I'd just been happy with who I was and worked to maintain a reasonable weight, I wouldn't have ended up gaining. It's all the screwy diets and trying to get to a completely unattainable weight that messed my metabolism up.
This is what I was saying before! There is a mindset of "all or nothing" where either you're skinny and "good," or you're fat and "bad." 15-20 pounds is all the difference there is between "good" and "bad" and if you're on the "bad" side, all is lost, you're hideous, worthless, and what's the use?
A lack of perspective, and probably having people around you making a mountain out of a molehill, just made it worse for you. 15 lbs is not the end of the world, it's not even even close to being a "concern," but when people start acting like it is, and you MUST do something because you're going to DIE and you're a HIDEOUS SEA COW (!!!!) and they make it into this huge issue, you can't look at the whole thing rationally, and then you go on some crazy diets that mess you up, and then eventually you do really have a problem, where you didn't at first.
Quote:
Originally Posted by wonderwall
WestCobb, that's actually a nice story. I think if the person opens the door for the conversation, like the OP's sister, encouraging them to be proactive is fine. As long as we're not overstepping our boundaries, and we're being sensitive to the person. And if they make it clear the conversation is over, then it's over.
It sounds like WestCobb wasn't a jerk about it and it was well received.
This is what I was saying before! There is a mindset of "all or nothing" where either you're skinny and "good," or you're fat and "bad." 15-20 pounds is all the difference there is between "good" and "bad" and if you're on the "bad" side, all is lost, you're hideous, worthless, and what's the use?
A lack of perspective, and probably having people around you making a mountain out of a molehill, just made it worse for you. 15 lbs is not the end of the world, it's not even even close to being a "concern," but when people start acting like it is, and you MUST do something because you're going to DIE and you're a HIDEOUS SEA COW (!!!!) and they make it into this huge issue, you can't look at the whole thing rationally, and then you go on some crazy diets that mess you up, and then eventually you do really have a problem, where you didn't at first.
Yep. Through most of my adult life, my body had a "set point" that I could always easily get to and maintain. But I was constantly trying, unsuccessfully, to lose another 10 lbs. Instead, I just gained 40. I wish I knew then what I know now. I would have been happy at that set point, just worked to stay there instead of embarking on the starve/binge/starve/binge cycle that has ruined me.
I think back to my teen years and realize that my body shape was similar to hers at that time in my life. Yet my parents were constantly making me feel bad about my size.
WestCobb, that's actually a nice story. I think if the person opens the door for the conversation, like the OP's sister, encouraging them to be proactive is fine. As long as we're not overstepping our boundaries, and we're being sensitive to the person. And if they make it clear the conversation is over, then it's over.
It was a pretty positive experience. I don't think shaming anyone about their weight is helpful AT ALL but there is something to be said about positive peer pressure. My wife, her sister and I all learned a lot about nutrition and optimal diets which we apply to this day. Depending on the relationship the OP has with the sister, speaking up might actually turn out well.
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. After two years of that, I had enough so I cut out the snacks, started eating three healthy meals a day and increased my exercise. I was down to my ideal weight after less than four months... my sister in law saw this, so what I said had some credibility with her. She asked me what she should do to maintain a healthy weight. We spent the next several weeks reading about nutrition, watching videos and exercising. Nothing too extreme -- just getting a basic education in health. She shed the pounds, went home skinny -- my wife got involved too. She finally lost the "baby weight" ... which was 10 years old by that time. Now, my wife and her youngest sister are the "skinny" ones. 
