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I think back to my teen years and realize that my body shape was similar to hers at that time in my life. Yet my parents were constantly making me feel bad about my size.
I liked that song more before I saw the video. Why does the thin girl have to look bitchy and judgmental? Should girls that size feel bad about themselves now?
I liked that song more before I saw the video. Why does the thin girl have to look bitchy and judgmental? Should girls that size feel bad about themselves now?
Absolutely not! We don't exchange one wrong for another wrong. Girls of all sizes can be beautiful. A thin girl might feel self-conscious because she hasn't got the boobs and butt that a larger girl has, and why make her feel bad about that?
I liked that song more before I saw the video. Why does the thin girl have to look bitchy and judgmental? Should girls that size feel bad about themselves now?
I guess you've missed all the thin-shaming going on these days, most often perpetrated by the loudest mouths in the fat-acceptance movement.
Another point -- I'm sure what I'm about to type is going to make me a villain in the eyes of many because my thinking on this is so out of step from the typical American mindset. I have some firsthand experience with this exact issue .. only not with my sister, but my sister-in-law (even more removed). My wife is the oldest of six sisters .. most of which are about 40 pounds over their ideal weight.
They were all thin as teens and early 20s -- looked great for their weddings, but after that .. typical American diet caught up with them by the time they were 30. My youngest sister in law put on 15 to 20 pounds when she was 20. (She started dating a southern guy and got really used to unreasonable portions of admittedly delicious southern deep fried and sugary staples.) She came to stay with us for a few months, and I told her she didn't look as good as used to and she should make a decision at this point in her life to break with the norm and only eat rich food now and then (not every day) in smaller portions. I wasn't a jerk about how I told her. I was just looking down the line and realized she was going to be depressed about her weight and have lower self esteem if she continued on the path she was on ... she was easily going to put on another 20 in a year or two and spend the rest of her life lamenting about her lost good looks. Why go through that when avoiding it is so easy?
I got pretty fat when I was in my early 30s (when my diet finally caught up with me) ... not anywhere near fat by American standards ... only 30 pounds over my ideal weight, so many people didn't even think I was overweight . After two years of that, I had enough so I cut out the snacks, started eating three healthy meals a day and increased my exercise. I was down to my ideal weight after less than four months... my sister in law saw this, so what I said had some credibility with her. She asked me what she should do to maintain a healthy weight. We spent the next several weeks reading about nutrition, watching videos and exercising. Nothing too extreme -- just getting a basic education in health. She shed the pounds, went home skinny -- my wife got involved too. She finally lost the "baby weight" ... which was 10 years old by that time. Now, my wife and her youngest sister are the "skinny" ones.
The others who are fat (none of them fat by American standards mind you... only 40 pounds or so of extra cushion ) envy them. One sister in particular -- who was always the pretty one -- is pretty depressed about her looks. She's not as hot as she used to be as she's sad about that. Her husband -- who was also good looking -- is looking like a chubby slob these days. He was complaining to me that they don't have sex anymore. Well, I wonder why... neither make an effort to look good for each other. Yes, they're also going to die younger and have more health complications later in life, but the fact of the matter is that extra pounds diminishes the quality of your life.
I don't regret saying something, and my youngest sister in law doesn't hate me for it. She says I'm her favorite brother in law.
I love how you keep saying "American" standards. Are you American? Are your in-laws American? Are these standards "American" vs. what? This is interesting to me. I would like to hear your reasoning.
Absolutely not! We don't exchange one wrong for another wrong. Girls of all sizes can be beautiful. A thin girl might feel self-conscious because she hasn't got the boobs and butt that a larger girl has, and why make her feel bad about that?
Larger girls don't necessarily have the boobs and butt, either. If you don't have boobs, gaining weight isn't going to do anything positive for you. And if you have a flat butt, gaining weight isn't going to give you a round butt.
I guess you've missed all the thin-shaming going on these days, most often perpetrated by the loudest mouths in the fat-acceptance movement.
That is so hypocritical of them. Really annoying.
Though based on what I've seen, I can't believe that on average, a well-developed, well-formed thin girl is going to get near the hatred and stigma that a fat girl is going to get, online or in real life. The "fat acceptance" movement exists because the stigma against fat people has been around for a while, with a lot of fat people being severely bullied as kids and so forth. A push-back against that is expected. But the fat acceptance folks sometimes go way overboard and are hypocrites if they criticize a thin person. It's absolutely inexcusable to do that to someone else, especially when you know how much it hurts when it's done to you.
You just don't know what it feels like for everyone else. A real eye-opener I had was when I witnessed a friend of mine, slender but not very shapely, feeling humiliated when someone mistook her for a boy (she was wearing androgynous clothes and no makeup). My figure is unmistakably feminine, so I never have experienced that. I felt a lot of sympathy for her. We can't always walk in another person's shoes, so it's best to shut our mouths and not say anything snarky or "shamey." Why bring more pain into the world?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
Larger girls don't necessarily have the boobs and butt, either. If you don't have boobs, gaining weight isn't going to do anything positive for you. And if you have a flat butt, gaining weight isn't going to give you a round butt.
Yep. It's easier on a big girl (or any girl) who has the fat deposits in all the "right" places.
I guess you've missed all the thin-shaming going on these days, most often perpetrated by the loudest mouths in the fat-acceptance movement.
No, I've been paying close attention. As the father of a 13-year-old girl who's thin and probably always will be, it bothers me. My daughter was not raised on junk food. She was fed healthy food in healthy portions her entire life. Now that she's old enough to make her own decisions, it's amazing to me to watch the decisions she makes. I say amazing because I was raised on the typical American diet, and I would eat junk food until I was sick at her age if I was allowed to. She loves cake, cookies, pie, etc. -- she has one small serving and that's that. She hates fast food. For snacks, she eats apples and a small slice of cheese. If she does have chips or crackers, she eats a small handful. She's not doing this out of deprivation .. she's just satisfied with small portions of rich food.
She's the thinnest of her friends. They snack all the time. They eat fast food several times a week. They eat cookies, chips, etc. etc. all the time. They're only 13, but they are more or less built like Meghan Trainor. Meghan is a pretty girl, but that's not healthy. For a young woman to be that size she has to be eating a lot of crappy food that will lead to a lot of health problems. Whatever Meghan is eating to be that size is going to make her a much, much larger size by the time she's 30 and her metabolism slows down. I hope the day never comes when my daughter feels badly because she takes better care of her body than the Meghans of the world.
I think fat shaming is awful, and no one should feel badly for their body shape, but we need to come to grips with our eating habits and recognize they are way out of whack,
I love how you keep saying "American" standards. Are you American? Are your in-laws American? Are these standards "American" vs. what? This is interesting to me. I would like to hear your reasoning.
I repeatedly said American because I mean American. I am American. My in-laws are American. Pretty much everyone I know is an American. American's eat HORRIBLY. We don't eat three healthy meals a day. (That's the biggest problem right there.) We snack at all different times of the day. (Big, big problem.) We use cheese -- an extremely fatty, rich food -- as an ingredient (that's like using chocolate cake as an ingredient in other dishes). We eat waaay too much fast food. Our desert portions are insanely large. We allow food corporations to use high fructose corn syrup as a main ingredient in most of what we eat. The list goes on. Western European countries eat many of the same foods we eat ... they just eat them in the sensible portions we used to before 1970 or so and surprise, surprise ... they still have waistlines, just like we used to.
How we eat is just crazy. If you don't make a conscious effort to break with the average American way of life, you're going to end up obese. But don't worry -- you won't even know it because you're only be 30 lbs or so overweight (which severely diminishes your health and quality of life). When you look around at your friends and relatives, you'll think if anything you can stand to gain a pound or two.
When my sister went off to college a few years ago, she gained about 30lbs her freshman year, but you couldn't tell it unless she was wearing something tight, which she rarely does. This was a girl that was very athletic in high school, but pretty much the only exercise she did in college that year was a morning jog and walking around campus. She kept the weight for most of the school year, but towards the end, she got into a better routine and was able to get in a little more exercise and lost some of it. When she came home for the summer, she lost the weight pretty quickly even though she was eating quite a bit.
My point is that just because your sister has put on some weight, it's not a reason to worry. She can more than likely lose it pretty quickly if she wants to. Also, you never know, she may not have been comfortable with the way she looked before. She may have thought that she was too skinny and wanted to put on a little weight anyway.
I am a woman and I think the concern of a brother would outweigh (no pun intended) any insult. As others mentioned, she already knows about her weight gain. She may not know that he cares as much as he does.
Some people ignore the elephant in the room. Some don't.
And, yes, I do like my front teeth where they are!
edit: OP-guess you have to ask and answer for yourself: is it her appearance that bothers you? if so, shut up.
Or is it really her health you're concerned about? Say something. Wether or not she does anything about it is of course up to her. But I still think that letting her know you love her and are concerned is not a bad thing.
I'm also a woman. And if my brother ever mentioned my weight he'd be picking himself up off the floor and needing a medic. It's none of his concern. I don't mention his weight to him either.
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You're from where?
. After two years of that, I had enough so I cut out the snacks, started eating three healthy meals a day and increased my exercise. I was down to my ideal weight after less than four months... my sister in law saw this, so what I said had some credibility with her. She asked me what she should do to maintain a healthy weight. We spent the next several weeks reading about nutrition, watching videos and exercising. Nothing too extreme -- just getting a basic education in health. She shed the pounds, went home skinny -- my wife got involved too. She finally lost the "baby weight" ... which was 10 years old by that time. Now, my wife and her youngest sister are the "skinny" ones. 
(that's like using chocolate cake as an ingredient in other dishes). We eat waaay too much fast food. Our desert portions are insanely large. We allow food corporations to use high fructose corn syrup as a main ingredient in most of what we eat. The list goes on. Western European countries eat many of the same foods we eat ... they just eat them in the sensible portions we used to before 1970 or so and surprise, surprise ... they still have waistlines, just like we used to.
