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They were involved with the planning. I think they knew what was going on.
Being kids, they had no idea what they were getting themselves into. Having limited life experience, they probably assumed that the house that they were going to was similar to the house they were leaving.
However, the adults that made this foolish decision had the benefit of many years life experience.....
they should have known better.
I do blame adults involved, but those adults are the parents of the girls, not the OP. OP, did the parents keep in regular touch with you during the visit?
Heather72, kudos to you for such a gracious offer to these obnoxious girls. Your fortitude in lasting through those days is to be commended. I only got to p. 3 of this thread before my indignation drove me to add my response. I am guessing that most of the posters who expressed the following sentiments are either Gen Xers or Millennials:
" well, what did you expect---they're just children who were---- tired or---- in an unfamiliar place or---- just being used by you for your son's benefit or--- needed sweet gentle nudgings to make the terrible and scary transition from their Pacific Time to East Coast Time or---- were being run ragged dragged all over the place " etc. etc. ad nauseum.This is to be expected from people who have a sense of entitlement that us boomers can't fathom. I am sure they and your 2 nieces have no concept of the Golden Rule.
I'm an Army brat who owes my work ethic , my moral standards, and my social behavior entirely to my dad's strict rule-based parenting. I was always held accountable for my behavior and was expected to treat others fairly but always with courtesy. Three weeks with Colonel Evans would cure those 2 sad excuses for human beings of their rudeness. I guarantee by the end of the 3 weeks, when he said, "Jump!" they'd say "How high, sir?" No excuse for your nieces' incredible behavior period. I won't even comment on their parents. No rules and no consequences for outrageous lack of civility. This is how we end up with elementary school and movie theater mass shootings. Oh, not to mention middle school girls hacking their friends up.
You rock, Heather!!
Heather72, kudos to you for such a gracious offer to these obnoxious girls. Your fortitude in lasting through those days is to be commended. I only got to p. 3 of this thread before my indignation drove me to add my response. I am guessing that most of the posters who expressed the following sentiments are either Gen Xers or Millennials:
" well, what did you expect---they're just children who were---- tired or---- in an unfamiliar place or---- just being used by you for your son's benefit or--- needed sweet gentle nudgings to make the terrible and scary transition from their Pacific Time to East Coast Time or---- were being run ragged dragged all over the place " etc. etc. ad nauseum.This is to be expected from people who have a sense of entitlement that us boomers can't fathom. I am sure they and your 2 nieces have no concept of the Golden Rule.
I'm an Army brat who owes my work ethic , my moral standards, and my social behavior entirely to my dad's strict rule-based parenting. I was always held accountable for my behavior and was expected to treat others fairly but always with courtesy. Three weeks with Colonel Evans would cure those 2 sad excuses for human beings of their rudeness. I guarantee by the end of the 3 weeks, when he said, "Jump!" they'd say "How high, sir?" No excuse for your nieces' incredible behavior period. I won't even comment on their parents. No rules and no consequences for outrageous lack of civility. This is how we end up with elementary school and movie theater mass shootings. Oh, not to mention middle school girls hacking their friends up.
You rock, Heather!!
Taking an 11yr old kid 3000 miles away to stay with strangers for 3 weeks, how gracious!
Too many older people forget what it was like to be kids.
It was very nice of you and I do think my parents would have killed me if they were informed I acted like that. I live with two teenage girls and they can both be unappreciative at times and take for granted things they get/have. It can be frustrating but then I remember when I was a teen girl and I know for a fact I took for granted some of the things my parents did for me. My kids are quite a bit better than those though and I think that's because they know they are supposed to say "Thank You" if someone does something for them and I always check and make sure they did with the other adults. They also know to pick up after themselves and be polite at someone else's house and I better not hear they didn't :-).
These girls sound quite a bit more unappreciative than average though. I'm sorry it went that way. They will probably regret how they acted when they get older. I know I regret some of the things I did as a teen. I blame some of this on their parents and some on just being a teenager which I still remember clearly and I could be a douche but I paid for it severely with Dad when I was. :-).
The only thing I don't think is unusual is the late sleeping. I know it's not the norm in your house. However, it is something I encourage in the summers at my house. I want the kids to relax and enjoy sleeping in during the summer months because the school year is very stressful. Of course, they also are well-behaved (mostly lol) and do what I ask them to do as far as chores/cleaning up after themselves. If they didn't do those things maybe I would be more strict and make them get up sooner to DO those chores. I also agree the time lag is very bad for a person's schedule and makes it MUCH harder to wake up early.
I get what you are saying and I was raised in a similar environment but I related a very similar and pertinent story on page 10 from the mid-late 60s where we visited cousins from a completely different home environment for three weeks and I'm sure that given how miserable we were, we did not behave in the best possible way though I don't recall any specific misbehavior. Given the results of that visit (permanent estrangement from those cousins/their family) I suspect that we were less than grateful and less sociable than we should have been and we were raised to do as we were told and to respect our elders as well. You can't just uproot kids (even good kids, even if they agree) into a completely different lifestyle and environment and expect the best from them. And frankly having been to camp multiple times for several weeks at a time as a kid, that is completely different than this discussion. Did the girls behave badly? Yes they did. Was it entirely predictable given the set-up? Probably given the circumstances.
I wouldn't send a kid to overnight camp for 3 weeks, either. This was a really dumb decision that had entirely predicable results. I don't hold the kids accountable for the decision, I hold the adults responsible.
That's the way we go down the road to destruction of society: at all costs, don't hold children responsible for their actions!
Look, I think you had waaaaaay too high expectations. You uprooted two teenaged girls (that age group sucks, btw) for THREE WEEKS to spend time with a family they didn't know or barely knew. I know you thought you were being generous, but for kids who have never spent time away from home, that was just way way way too much.
[...] Those girls behaved abominably, but they were fishes out of water with nothing familiar around them, likely for the first time in their lives. I'm sorry you had a crappy experience and I know your intentions were good, but you gotta look before you leap. And really, you should know better than to take the rantings and opinions of a preteen and young teenagers personally.
Completely agree with all of the above ^. That being said, I'm totally appalled at the behavior of those girls...even at that age, I would have NEVER ACTED like that. Then again, my mother raised me right, to be respectful, have manners, be courteous and grateful, etc. I'm mortified to even think about acting like that, having such disrespect, being so ungrateful and rude...jesus. It's unfathomable to me.
You have a big heart to welcome them into your home and do all that for them, and you did NOT deserve to be treated like that. I'm so sorry it turned out like that...I can imagine the disappointment, frustration, and anger that I would feel, too. But yeah, it's definitely a lesson learned...and 3 weeks was obviously way too long for a first-stay with family that didn't know each other very well - especially pre-teen/teen girls. Oy. (That excuse only goes so far, though - like I said, even at that age, I'd NEVER have acted in such a manner. I'm horrified at this story!!)
I only got to pg 2 and had quite enough of reading about these obnoxious children.
OP - You said the parents emailed your husband and said "We gave up on bedtimes and responsibilities years ago". What this parent is really saying is, "We gave up"
Guess what parents you don't get to do that ! Do your job and raise your children. As of now they sound way out control - they're acting out and angry. Gee wonder why ? no one (parents) are in the drivers seat. The words "We gave up" couldn't be anymore clear.
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Shaking my head
