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That's the way we go down the road to destruction of society: at all costs, don't hold children responsible for their actions!
Seriously. I'm amazed (in an appalled way) at the excuses people are making for these girls.
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Originally Posted by HEATHER72
You sound like my kind of person!
We're off to New Orleans for a few days and then a cruise to Mexico, Belize and Honduras.
NICE!! Have a blast, enjoy yourself - you deserve it!!
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Originally Posted by cameo2491
Amazing to me how much effort is being made to shift the onus for basic courtesy and respect for others onto the OP, and turn a blind eye to two children who are not only devoid of any manners at all but also woefully unschooled in the notion that elders are due respect. Since when is it ok for all activities in a household that is hosting a teen and soon-to-be teen to be dictated by those guests, who are certainly old enough to be aware of how obnoxious their behavior is. It sounds to me like you have come to conclusions about how the OP handled the situation without understanding her posts explaining her approach.
Yeah, either people aren't reading what she's saying, are choosing to ignore it, or are totally dense. OP has said over and over again that she gave the girls options about what they would like to do before they came to visit - she was thoughtful about it. Also, as she said, it's not like they only went to national monuments/historical sites, etc. People often only read/hear what they want to hear to validate the opinions and judgements they are so hellbent on making.
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Originally Posted by Kibbiekat
I am pointing out that the OP let them choose activities, and that I appreciated these kinds of things when I was 11 and 14, and that middle schoolers all over the country sign up to see these things every year, so it is completely possible that other 11 and 14 year olds would have enjoyed this trip. [...]
Bottom line, even if they didn't enjoy it, they should have been gracious anyway. They weren't.
THIS. ^^^
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Originally Posted by dysgenic
What about the responsibility of the poor decision to bring these girls to your home for 3 weeks even though they didn't know you and even though you live 3000 miles away?
You don't seem to recognize this as a really bad decision.
Oh good lord...give it a rest. I don't understand your fixation on continuing to tell the OP how wrong she was/how it's all her fault, the blame is all on her, etc.
What about the responsibility of the poor decision to bring these girls to your home for 3 weeks even though they didn't know you and even though you live 3000 miles away?
You don't seem to recognize this as a really bad decision.
you still steaming down that wrong way track. Give it up. That bone will choke if you keep on worrying at it. Although, come to think of it........
Oh good lord...give it a rest. I don't understand your fixation on continuing to tell the OP how wrong she was/how it's all her fault, the blame is all on her, etc.
Heather72, does your brother-in-law's family celebrate Christmas? If so, I suggest sending them a copy of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Address it to the girls.
Ok, maybe we were wrong about monuments and such. However, the fact remains that you made a very bad decision to schedule a long trip for children that did not know you. It seems that you are refusing to take responsibility for your part in this.
I agree. As I stated before, this was not a well-thought out plan and assumptions and unrealistic expectations existed, but the blame (by the OP and many) continues to fall upon the two young girls for being who they are and reacting as they did. The real blame for their behavior / attitude should fall upon their own parents, but one taking on such should be aware of what to realistically expect and KNOW the people you are inviting to spend a huge amount of time with you. So, what was expected did not come to pass and they were unfortunately, rude kids - it is something to learn from.
Also, all this mention of what the kids "should learn about" or "have an interest in". Kids and adults will be interested in different things, but you cannot force or expect everyone to do so just because some think it is the most valuable. As I mentioned, people develop differently and brains and personalities are not identical.. I never liked the idea to be expected "to all learn or function in the same exact way", which is not realistic. Maybe if they would have visited when closer to adulthood, they would have had more of an interest in D.C. It sounds now as if they kept pretty busy though, with a lot of activities, so they were not mostly sitting in a room, as was initially expressed.
The bottom line is, despite open generosity being given, the kids did not like it there or the relatives, period and it sounds like their parents were behind motivating the trip. I think it has to be accepted that it was a big mistake and wanting everyone to be in agreement about "how thoughtless an 11 and 15 year old acted", is kind of pointless.
Here's the back story - My husband and I paid (airline tickets, activities and food) for his brother's 2 girls ages 11 and 14 to come visit us for 3 weeks. They don't have much money and live in a tiny town in CA. I have never met them, the girls that is. Hubby met them a couple of years ago when he took our adopted son out to visit his family. We wanted my son and the 2 girls to have a good connection especially since my son is an only child.
Well, I'm disappointed in how those girls behaved. One of the first things I noticed was how when we spoke to them, they wouldn't respond. After many one sided conversations, I just gave up. I had wanted to show and tell them so many things, but after you are essentially ignored, the frustration was just too much.
Before visiting, I had them fill out a questionnaire of sorts to find out what they liked to eat and what they wanted to do while here. They have never traveled, much less been on a plane. They showed zero interest in the places we took them. We took them to DC several times. I never heard they liked anything or were excited to do anything. Sighs. More on that later.
They demanded bottled water. I pointed to the faucet and the filtered water from the fridge. They wouldn't eat chicken, because it grosses them out. Their words not mine. They wanted steak! For breakfast, they would pour huge bowls of cereal and cover it with about 2 cups of milk. The majority was poured down the drain. Hubby and I fixed that by giving them small bowls and poured the milk for them. They turned their noses up in the air when I fed them steak from the previous night for lunch. Good thing I had only cooked the cheap steak! I can't imagine their parents feeding them like that on a regular basis.
I didn't ask much of them in the housekeeping department. I asked them to make their beds each day. I asked them about 4 times to tidy their room because it looked like a pig pen. I asked them once to wipe the bathroom counter because it was covered in hair. I expected them to help put away clean dishes with my son. Getting them to do those few things took some work.
We had bedtimes that varied from day to day, because we were taking them to do the things they wanted. Well we started getting backlash each morning from getting them up. One of them even snipped at my son when he got them up at noon! The up all night, sleep all day doesn't work for me.
After about 2 weeks of the being ignored, the rudeness we got for waking them up and the lack of interest after I spent $400 to take them to a MLB game. I was done. I was done taking them places. I was done showing them things. Just done.
Then the truth came out literally... they left overnight to visit another relative of theirs. The older girl left out a journal in plain sight in the house. I picked it up not knowing what it was. Well, yeah I read it. Maybe I shouldn't have, but now I know the truth. Really no mention of liking the things I have kept them busy with, but more of talking crap about me and my family.
She called me, my husband and son and even his friends bad things. She wrote how she and her sister were frequently "mad" and "pissed" at us. They complained about our "weird rules". (Bedtime is a weird rule?) They hated it here... hated the community pool, hated the kids, hated it here period. Boring was a commonly used adjective. Thank goodness they don't have to live here right?
I was in tears seeing she called my son an ass. He is the friendliest kid I know. I don't know what I did to deserve "Me and my sister are pissed at our Aunt! What's new?" on the day I drove them back to DC just so they could get souvenirs that they failed to buy when we were there before. Or 2 days later, when they were "really mad at me!" Hmm I went out and bought food for THEM, cooked them STEAK and they did what they wanted the rest of the time.
I found out the problem getting them up was they were staying up until the wee hours of the morning texting, watching movies on a kindle etc. Yeah I unplugged the internet router at night after that. Damn I wish I had done that sooner!
I had hubby read the journal and he was equally mad and upset. While we didn't divulge that we found this journal, hubby did email his brother with the things we had been doing and how we found the girls next to impossible to get up in the mornings and that they were hard to talk to. His response... "We gave up on bedtimes and responsibilities years ago!"
WOW! While everyone has the right to parent in their own way. These girls are in for a rude awakening. I can't imagine being in someone else's home and acting the way they did. The least they could have done was say THANK YOU for inviting us into your home and paying for this trip. Did we get that? No!
Those girls obviously sounded like unreasonable spoiled brats. But perhaps you inviting them to a strange and unfamiliar area did not help things either.
Of course they chose three weeks instead of two, as ANYTHING is better than hanging out with their lame parents. Once they got to the aunt & uncle's house, they realized that ANYTHING is better than hanging out with their lame aunt and uncle.
No, their age does not excuse their rude behavior, but I do think your expectations were a little high. You fault them for not appreciating a trip to a baseball game because it "was something they wanted to do." They are 11 and 14 year old girls. I'll bet they have a hard time deciding what to order at a restaurant, let alone deciding what to do for "fun" in a city thousands of miles away, with people they barely know.
Furthermore, did you ever stop to think that maybe giving them a list of activities to pick from wasn't the best way to go? What if none of those things interested them and they picked the trips they did because they were, to them, the best of a bad bunch? YOU chose the top 20 (or however many) experiences and made them choose from that list. Again, they are 11 and 14 and I'll bet that YOUR idea of fun is nothing like THEIR idea of fun. The baseball game "was something they wanted to do" because they were picking off of a checklist that you made up, and, well, they had to pick something!
Furthermore, did you ever stop to think that maybe giving them a list of activities to pick from wasn't the best way to go? What if none of those things interested them and they picked the trips they did because they were, to them, the best of a bad bunch? YOU chose the top 20 (or however many) experiences and made them choose from that list. Again, they are 11 and 14 and I'll bet that YOUR idea of fun is nothing like THEIR idea of fun.
What else should OP have done...? If she HADN'T given them choices, people would say, "Well you should have given them choices!"
What else should OP have done...? If she HADN'T given them choices, people would say, "Well you should have given them choices!"
Honestly.
Unless I'm mistaken, this "pick list" was sent before the girls came.
How about talking to them after they arrive and finding out their interests?
Have you ever asked a concierge at a hotel for a recommendation? Any concierge worth their salt will ask what YOUR interests/tastes are. The old "what are you in the mood for?" He or she will never give you a list and say "choose three."
When we have guests visit from out of town, we always ask what they would like to do or what they are in the mood for. We never send them a "pick list" before their visit and ask them to choose.
What if the kids didn't like ANY of the choices they were given? It seems to me that a little conversation and old fashion "getting to know one another" might have worked wonders in this case. Not the "pick a few experiences and we'll buy the tickets" approach.
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Advice:
But perhaps you inviting them to a strange and unfamiliar area did not help things either. 
