Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Fast forward to now, 1.5 years later (after we reconciled). He has kept his word so far and our relationship has been nothing but wonderful. He has changed, I have changed, we moved in together more than a year ago already and everything has been going really really well. No fighting (except of the stuff other couples sometimes argue about), he isn't overly jealous anymore (I've been to other cities for a weekend with my girls twice, and he was happy for me, no jealousy or anything) and we connect just on so many levels. It's really the relationship I've always dreamt of, and we often talk about the future. Next year, we want to buy an apartment together, and yea, a few weeks ago he proposed.
I'm absolutely sure I want to marry him, I'm not looking for validation here, I'm just looking for opinions on how to deal with my friends. It makes me sad thinking about the moment I told them I'm engaged. Their partly shocked faces and their comments like 'Are you sure you want to do this?', 'Isn't it better you date for another two years or so to be sure' and 'Only 1.5 years ago you broke up. How do you know it's not gonna happen again?' In case this is important, I'm the first one of my closest girlfriends (six girls including me) to be engaged (even though I'm the youngest being 27). I want them to be happy for me, but I know I cannot force them to be. It sucks seeing them doubt my decision. I would be so happy for any of them to get engaged, whatever backstory there is (unless they were cheated on or other deal breakers), except of one all of them are in relationships for 1-3 years.
Appreciating any advice on how to handle this, or sharing of similar experiences.
I would just be blunt. Sit your friends down one by one and tell them that you are committed to your fiance and that you value their friendship.... That nothing would make you happier but to have them in your life even after marriage.
Sounds like your friends are just concerned.... in their mind they have good reason. Allow them to voice their concern but also let them know you hear them but it is your life decision
Yes, you're def right here. I used to complain a lot about the bad stuff, and almost never mention good stuff, even though there was and is a lot. I should probably tell them the same to give them a different impression.
One of my brothers married a woman whom he broke up with at least once (that I know of). Their marriage is still going strong two decades later. I think that the breakup forced them to work things out and made them closer.
It is likely because they remember all the venting you have done to them regarding this relationship. Have they not been involved with both of you this past year+??
I would just give them time to adjust....Do not take it personally....I think most young people respond to this type news the same way. If you really want to know why they are reacting this way...Ask them.
Congrats, and good luck in your future
I agree. When we bad talk our boyfriends with our friends, we sort of poison the well. So I get where they are coming from. That said, I have faked being happy for several people's engagement, marriage and even pregnancies. Sometimes all you see is a train wreck coming but the only option is to let the person decide for themselves. You are an adult, they should trust you are doing the best thing for yourself.
My "best friend" was so mad when I got married she didn't come to the wedding and hung up on me when I called to tell her I was married. It wasn't the guy, she was just mad I wasn't going to be living in our hometown anymore. God I wish I had cut her off then.
I agree. When we bad talk our boyfriends with our friends, we sort of poison the well. So I get where they are coming from. That said, I have faked being happy for several people's engagement, marriage and even pregnancies. Sometimes all you see is a train wreck coming but the only option is to let the person decide for themselves. You are an adult, they should trust you are doing the best thing for yourself.
My "best friend" was so mad when I got married she didn't come to the wedding and hung up on me when I called to tell her I was married. It wasn't the guy, she was just mad I wasn't going to be living in our hometown anymore. God I wish I had cut her off then.
Excellent point (bolded).
If I am understanding you correctly, your 5 closest friends are concerned, right? This may not be what you want to hear, but if my 5 closest friends reacted that way, I would consider where they are coming from. All I'm saying is, perhaps they are seeing something you're not. In no way does that mean I would not marry the guy. It just means they probably have good reason to be concerned. If you would've told me one or even two friends, I would say "whatever". But 5 friends? From the outside looking in, that gives me pause.
How did your family react? That is, if they have spent enough time with you guys together to form a credible opinion.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.