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I think the OP's wording of the thread title confused some folk. Though she tried to clarify later she was ignored. Peeps with fam and friends galore continue to post, I think it's just from not understanding for most and one poster seems to have a case of overinflated self importance and is a braggard.
I'm trying to work up the guts to start a thread for those of us solitary, alone in the world peeps.
I've only started relocation type threads seeking info so I'm shy to start another kind but I might.
It'll be for those of us who are truly alone either by choice (my case) or circumstances.
I think the OP's wording of the thread title confused some folk. Though she tried to clarify later she was ignored. pPeps with fam and friends galore continue to post, I think it's just from not understanding and one poster has a case of overinflated self importance and is a braggard.
I'm trying to work up the guts to start a thread for those of us solitary, alone in the world peeps.
I've only started relocation type threads seeking info so I'm shy to start another kind but I might.
It'll be for those of us who are truly alone either by choice (my case) or circumstances.
OK wait - so you're alone BY CHOICE, right? I mean, those are your words, not mine.
I get that there are lonely people in this world, especially over the holidays. But you're solitary by choice. That's fine - your choice. So why the animosity toward people who have different reasons than you have for being alone?
There are all sorts of scenarios that can come together and create a situation where people are alone on a holiday. People who are NOT typically "solitary, alone in the world peeps" can often find their own scenario to be jarring and unique in it's own way - and this experience can also foster empathy for those who are more often alone.
I guess I'm surprised at the lack of empathy and tolerance for different experiences that create a solitary holiday experience. I'm surprised that you find the reminiscing of Christmases past to be "self important bragging."
So, if you didn't like the OP's premise, just why did you find it necessary to respond?
Because the OP's premise wasn't clear ... I responded to the apparent premise, which apparently was false. It wasn't made clear that there were certain qualifications for being deemed alone enough to comment.
I last saw some cousins 5 years ago Thanksgiving and it s still too fresh in my memory. Although not optimum, I will spend it alone. If I never see them again, it.s still too soon. They aren.t the people I remember from the past and they definitely "drank some Kool-Aid" somewhere along the line. Extremely toxic yuppies who bring up stuff from 25 years ago. Had too many Christmases ruined by other people!
I last saw some cousins 5 years ago Thanksgiving and it s still too fresh in my memory. Although not optimum, I will spend it alone. If I never see them again, it.s still too soon. They aren.t the people I remember from the past and they definitely "drank some Kool-Aid" somewhere along the line. Extremely toxic yuppies who bring up stuff from 25 years ago. Had too many Christmases ruined by other people!
Your terse story makes me curious. O.K., you didn't like being with your cousins, but what is it you are objecting to, exactly? "Bringing up stuff from 25 years ago" could mean talking about old, shared times, or it could mean bringing up petty grievances from long ago. The former is interesting and positive, whereas the latter is irritating and yes, toxic. I am suspicious that you call them "yuppies" in an apparently derogatory manner. Are you jealous and resentful because they are successful? What standards do people have to meet in order not to "ruin" your Christmas? To feel incompatible with one's cousins is quite understandable, but the extreme nature of your hostility toward them ("If I never see them again, it's still to soon".) is what piqued my curiosity.
I see now where I went astray, asking "who WILL BE alone this Christmas" instead of "who IS alone this Christmas." My bad! Words matter...
Don't feel bad about this, OP. No matter how carefully you explain yourself, the thread is going to drift off-topic. That seems to be the nature of public internet discussion forums. All you can do is what you have done, namely try to clarify your original intention, hope for the best, but in the end accept that not all the responses will be along the lines you were aiming for.
Indeed, there may be relatively few posters who are alone in the fairly complete sense you seem to be talking about. For example, am I "alone"?
Well, I am divorced with no kids. I have a sister and two nieces, who are at least 2,000 miles away. Kind of inconvenient. One female cousin is 50 miles away, but she is involved with her own children and grandchildren and since her father (my uncle) died I have not been invited to any holidays there. Another female cousin is 70 miles away, and likewise, her focus is on her own children and grandchildren. In both cases I have greatly enjoyed family holiday get-togethers in the past with those two groups, but I am now "out of sight, out of mind" with them.
I do have friends, which I suppose makes me not totally alone. One bachelor friend from bicycling days I invited to go out for Thanksgiving to a restaurant with me, and that was enjoyable and I'm glad we did it, but it really was not the same as the long day spent in the heart of some kind of family, which I missed. In other words, I am just not one of those people who is content having a day to myself on the two big "family" days of the year, Thanksgiving and Christmas; the dinner with a friend was better than sitting home all day by myself, but was not an adequate substitute for me personally. (By the way, I am quite content and comfortable eating in a restaurant by myself if it's not Thanksgiving or Christmas).
At Christmas I am fortunate to be invited every year for a semi-formal dinner party where there is a "crowd" (between one and two dozen interesting people) that I enjoy. That seems to fill the bill for me.
Yes, in theory I could put aside my need for the kind of companionship I have described on those two days of the year, as objectively they are just days like other days, but in reality I cannot. It's great for the people who are totally content to curl up alone, watch a movie or something, but to me it would be depressing and I cannot lay aside that feeling at will even if the feeling is irrational.
I've got to not like Christmas or even New Years day because it is depressing. I've lost many of my family and friends that have died. Christmas is another day for me anymore.
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