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A core group of friends completely changed plans to accommodate other people who didn't even show up at the agreed upon date/place. This occurred several times.
My group took it a step further. They canceled everyone's plans (to go to a street festival) to accommodate ONE guy who randomly texted and said he was coming---then came two hours late. Reason for canceling was that "he's cool and we haven't seen him in a while".
I get it: the festival was mainly a time-filler, since we had nothing major planned, plus it was free and close to our meeting location. But all we did instead was sit around in someone's living room watching TV, then split a 12-pack when the latecomer guy arrived. When it was all over, everyone went home.
That night pretty much clinched my decision to get involved with Meetup more heavily. While I miss the regular hangouts I used to have with my friends, I just can't deal with the possibility of a planned activity not happening each time. Whether due to carelessness or one person being arbitrarily more important than the whole group's plans.
I have a few people that I just don't care to get together with. Come up with excuses about every time they ask. Others I jump at the chance and always have a nice time. I'm not fond of loud and repetitive people. Kind of like same s _ _ _ just another day.
I haven't tried to arrange an event with friends for a long time. The last time I did years ago, I invited several dozen people and anyone they wanted to bring with them. I had a whopping two people show up.
Kind of kills your mood for doing things for people when no one wants to join in.
I recently made plans with someone, oh, maybe a month or a couple weeks ahead of time, and she cancelled on me at the last minute. I was supposed to meet her around lunchtime and she cancelled that morning. This is the 4th time she's cancelled on me. I had blocked out the day for her and I couldn't find anyone else at the last minute to do something, so she left me high and dry. I haven't bothered to make plans with her since that incident. She has been texting and emailing me to get together but I haven't decided what I want to do. Her excuse was that she was sick. Maybe she was. But there are various levels of sickness. Sometimes you are under the weather but you take something for the headache and press on. In my case, I blocked out a special day to do something with her. I don't have gobs of time to reschedule if she cancels. It was a bit disrespectful of her to cancel under those circumstances, I think.
I have another friend who is fairly rigid and our plans are usually cut in stone. The problem with that is, sometimes I prefer to keep things a bit more loose and make plans at the last minute.
Neither option is always the best--too much rigidity is bad and too much looseness is bad. But cancelling on people, to me, is a bad habit. It kills friendships.
I rarely give people a second chance. You have to have a damn good reason to cancel on me. I may act like nothing is wrong but they know when they see what they have missed. At least Facebook is good in that way.
When I make plans it is a commitment, not an option as one person put it. I accepted an invitation for Christmas Day months ago. I have received better offers that I would rather attend but I stick to my commitments.
I demand punctuality and loyalty in friendships. I can't tolerate people that can't manage their time.
I give 2 chances then I'm out. I figure sometimes things come up and that's life. But if that person flakes out on me a second time, then I no longer make plans with them, although I'm otherwise friendly if I see or hear from them.
In fact I had someone do that last minute cancel thing twice in one week and she was the one who was pushing to make plans and then pushing to reschedule after she canceled the first time. Two days after the first cancellation she did it again and that was the final confirmation that plans would not be respected. Most people know what decent and respectful behavior is, so if they choose not to treat you with kindness and respect they're the one making the choice to exit stage left out of your life.
Yes, I have found recently friends can be a chore in general!
There's the flake friend who I don't even initiate contact with anymore. I always have to initiate contact, then make the plans and do the driving...if we are meeting somewhere she is always incredibly late with some incredibly unbelievable excuse, and she never gives a heads up that she will be incredibly late...so...no more!
My husband and I have become pretty close with another couple. While I really like them, there is really only 1 thing they are willing to do, which is go to karaoke on Friday nights. Most of the time I stay home and my husband goes, because I'm kind of over the whole bar scene. Plus, I'm a year and a half off ambien, and staying up all night does not help with insomnia AT ALL. The problem is, they will give me flack for never coming out, but when I try to make suggestions to do OTHER things, I get a big fat no. So they are slowly creeping into the pain in the a** category.
Finally, there is one other couple who we want to phase out of our lives, but we are just too nice to do it. They have become boring, and a pain to get together with.
I recently made plans with someone, oh, maybe a month or a couple weeks ahead of time, and she cancelled on me at the last minute. I was supposed to meet her around lunchtime and she cancelled that morning. This is the 4th time she's cancelled on me. I had blocked out the day for her and I couldn't find anyone else at the last minute to do something, so she left me high and dry. I haven't bothered to make plans with her since that incident. She has been texting and emailing me to get together but I haven't decided what I want to do. Her excuse was that she was sick. Maybe she was. But there are various levels of sickness. Sometimes you are under the weather but you take something for the headache and press on. In my case, I blocked out a special day to do something with her. I don't have gobs of time to reschedule if she cancels. It was a bit disrespectful of her to cancel under those circumstances, I think.
I have another friend who is fairly rigid and our plans are usually cut in stone. The problem with that is, sometimes I prefer to keep things a bit more loose and make plans at the last minute.
Neither option is always the best--too much rigidity is bad and too much looseness is bad. But cancelling on people, to me, is a bad habit. It kills friendships.
Well this is also your fault. You get two passes with me. Doesn't mean I would drop the person, but I don't make plans again for awhile. They have to suggest plans after that, and it has to be convenient.
That's why I don't deal with groups. I applaud people who can get a group of people together. If someone invites me to something, I'll gladly join or tag along with the group. I usually just ask specific people a few days in advance to do something one on one. Scheduling is such a pain.
I rarely give people a second chance. You have to have a damn good reason to cancel on me. I may act like nothing is wrong but they know when they see what they have missed. At least Facebook is good in that way.
When I make plans it is a commitment, not an option as one person put it. I accepted an invitation for Christmas Day months ago. I have received better offers that I would rather attend but I stick to my commitments.
I demand punctuality and loyalty in friendships. I can't tolerate people that can't manage their time.
Amen, amen, amen. Good for you.
People love to throw that word "flexibility" around, and I hate it. You're supposed to be OK with everything changing at the last minute. "Flexibility" my foot, I hate that word, I hate it so much I call it "The F Word." (When I was dating "friend" was my F-word.) I like for things to go as planned and for dates to be honored, even if it means other things become messed up in the process. I'm that way even with things such as birthdays--to me, if someone's birthday is on a Tuesday, you don't celebrate it on the weekends, their birthday is on a Tuesday and the birthday party should happen on that day, or else there should be no party at all--even if it means people don't show up. That's not what's important, what's important is that it happen on the exact day no matter what, because those other days aren't their birthday and thus they don't count.
I like how they do that with Christmas--this year Christmas was on a Thursday, they didn't "shift" the date to today (the 26th) to make things easier. Stores closed and employees were off on a Thursday, because THAT was December 25th. I LOVE those sorts of absolutes. It's why I also don't like warm days in December and cold days in May--no, no, no, December is winter and May is spring, it should NEVER do that. Ever. Not even 1 day out of 256,237. NEVER.
You can't control the weather, but people can control how vigilant they are with plans they make vs being flaky and saying to the person whom they've jipped "you need to learn to be flexible." NO! Short of a medical emergency, you honor your words. Period.
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Short of a medical emergency, you honor your words. Period.
