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In your other thread you stated that your grandfather was diagnosed with a terminal illness, wasn't expected to live until Christmas.
He and your grandmother live in one room in an assisted living facility. Grandpa appears to be bedridden for the most part.
I would not have expected them to be in any condition to give gifts this year. It may the last thing on their minds. Buying gifts when you are dying is not a high priority I would think.
Please do not ask your grandparents. Ask your mother. By the way, how old are you ?
They may have just forgotten. Sometimes people have a lot of other things they're dealing with, sometimes their memory is starting to go, etc. You can ask your parents but not your grandparents.
Actually, my grandfather sent gifts to my mom and my uncle from food companies like Figi's and Swiss Colony, so they got theirs in the mail on the 22nd. They've done this before, so it's nothing new. My grandparents usually give me my gift on Christmas morning. I know they didn't send me anything through the mail because Grandpa checked with those he sent stuff to. He wanted to make sure they received their package.
I always give my grandparents a separate gift. Admittedly, I do tend to spend a little more on Grandma, but that's just because Grandpa is hard to shop for - he doesn't do anything or have any interests. They're in assisted living this year and he didn't want or need anything. He worries about things being stolen. I went in with my parents and just got him a gift card to Taco Bell (his favorite). This actually turned out to be his favorite present (I could tell by his response).
It's entirely possible one of two things occurred:
1) Grandpa just plain forgot my gift
2) The food gift he sent my parents was also meant for me, even though my name was not on the package
I don't feel comfortable asking about my present. It seems selfish and I don't want it to come across that way because that's not the issue.
Grandpa made sure his kids and their spouses received a present. I'm not sure what the other grandkids got. He also had my Mom and I buy something for him to give Grandma. I literally spent 12-18 hrs looking for exactly what he wanted to give her. My grandparents always give me a gift. I find it odd that Grandpa made sure everyone else had a gift, but he didn't get anything for me. Like I said before, it's not that I didn't get a gift, it's the acknowledgement of it (or lack thereof) that bothers me. He could've at least said something if he had no intentions of giving me a gift. I find it hard to believe he forgot.
Oh, and by the way, I'm not even really into gifts. The only thing I really wanted this year was a few days of peace and quiet to read some stories some internet friends sent me. I've been looking forward to it for months. And yet, I still haven't had time to read and that's all I really wanted for Christmas.
But like I said several times, it's the lack of acknowledgement that bothers me. It says to me that my grandparents don't think my feelings are important.
Oh my gosh, both your grandparents are in assisted living. They may be suffering from the early stages of dementia. With both my grandmother and my mother in law, both of whom were naturally VERY thoughtful and generous women and gift givers, one of the first things to "go" with their minds was this sort of thing. In fact, we all realized that there was seriously something wrong with their minds BECAUSE of their suddenly strange behavior involving gift giving. This was one of the first signs of dementia in both of them.
My mother in law started by asking my husband to go shopping for me "from her," because it was harder for her to get around. She would set the budget at about $100 - and then for two years in a row, she didn't pay him back, and he felt awkward about asking her. The second year, before we knew she had Alzheimers but after we knew she was getting a little strange around the edges, my husband asked to hide the gift he had bought me at his mom's house. Somehow she got this all twisted up in her mind and thought he was asking her to wrap a bunch of gifts (he had bought me a couple of gifts). Then she got mad about that - this imaginary scenario - and then was all huffy and puffy on Christmas Day and we had no idea what she was so crunk about. Then my husband asked her "Where are those gifts I hid from Kathryn over here?" so he could go get them, and she got FURIOUS and very defensive and went running off to her room and wouldn't come out - come to find out, she hadn't wrapped the gifts - so what, he hadn't expected that - and now she thought he was going to fuss at her about it and so she was all upset. SO STRANGE. Plus - she didn't pay him back for the gift he had bought me "from her" either. GRRR. But we talked about it on the way home and the next day we had a heart to heart talk with her husband about the state of her mind - and finally got him to agree to get her some help.
With my dear grandmother, who had always showered everyone with gifts, the year before we realized she had dementia, she gave everyone some very strange gifts that had obviously come out of her SHED in the back yard. She gave me a mildewed man's robe, for pete's sake! She gave my dad something like a hammer and gave my mom a flower pot - with some dirt in it. Totally weird - and she had plenty of money and was still driving, shopping, etc. Things that make you go "Hmmmm."
Oh, and the last couple of years that my inlaws and my grandmother were alive, they got really weird and confused about holidays in general. For instance, my inlaws made very concrete plans to come to our house for Easter dinner the year before they both just cratered (my father in law was still driving at this point) - and they just forgot. Just forgot. Forgot Easter completely in fact. We were sitting there with the table set, other people waiting, and couldn't reach them by phone. FINALLY we got hold of them and they said, "Oh, it's Easter? Oh - we just got in from going out to eat after church." AFTER CHURCH? How on earth did they not know it was Easter??????
I say all this to point out that there may be some mental slipping going on with them. Cut them some slack. A lot of slack, actually. Your Christmases with them are limited. Don't let this erratic behavior negatively impact the few holidays together that you have with them.
Maybe with the situation your grandparents are living in they only gave to their children and not to the grandchildren. OR maybe you passed the magical age of not being a child and they just can not give to all the adult grandkids....based on time, budget OR just pulling it together.
If you must ask, maybe ask some of your cousins or your mom, but leave the grandparents out. They have enough on their minds.
So you can understand how the situation works in my family, I will tell you about our Christmas this year.
For me, I had always bought my brothers kids presents for Christmas. I never got anything in return from them, and neither did any of my kids. So since his kids are now officially adults--each of his sons now either has a child or a significant other who is pregnant, I decided that I was not going to continue to give them gifts.
For me its two things I considered in making this decision--1. I am nearing retirement and do not want to continue to give gifts that are not acknowledged for what they cost me (in time buying as well as dollars) when my money will be tighter. And 2. They are adults now, I have two 12 year olds that would love a present from them, and they have never given them anything...and they need to learn to grow up and be considerate to others and not always on the receiving end. And in nearly 30 years of giving presents I have never received a heartfelt 'thank you!'.
In my case I did explain this to my mom, who hosts Christmas and likely would receive the "Why did I not get..." and she said that she thinks that I gave them gifts about ten years above the 'child' cut off that they should have reciprocated or at least said thank you for whatever and she was in agreement that the timing was right to cut the gift ties this year
How many grand kids are there? Did the others get gifts? Do you live with your parents? Maybe they sent a food basket to each household and you were included in your parents'.
Really? They are ill and in assisted living and you are worrying about gifts from them? So silly. Did you really want some overpriced cheese log and fruit?
I don't know how old you are, but honestly, the earlier in life you get past this mentality of "someone else got something and I didn't", the better off you will be in life. This is just another facet of the "keeping up with the Jones's" mindset.
You then said it isn't about not getting a gift, but about not being acknowledged. My guess is that they don't even realize they didn't give you anything. My grandma used to send out cards with money in them on birthdays to all her grandchildren. Several times, mine arrived without money in them. She would then ask me later what I spent the money on. I would make something up. My mom said that happened to several of my cousins, too. My guess is that your grandparents think they got you something.
Christmas gift giving is all about materialism. Just be grateful that your grandparents were both still with you for another Christmas morning. Did you get a hug from them? That's the best acknowledgement anyone should ask for. As long as they let you know they love you, a gift or a reason for not giving a gift should never be necessary.
Full disclosure: My husband and I have never exchanged Christmas gifts in the 15 years we've been married. About 3 or 4 years ago, our extended families stopped doing gift exchanges as well. We make it all about the experience of being together instead of about "stuff".
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