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Oh, and by the way, I'm not even really into gifts. The only thing I really wanted this year was a few days of peace and quiet to read some stories some internet friends sent me. I've been looking forward to it for months. And yet, I still haven't had time to read and that's all I really wanted for Christmas.
You're not really into gifts? Right. Keep telling yourself that. Yet you started a thread on a forum about it. And have gone on ad nauseam about a gift.....but you're not really into gifts.
Ask your mother if the other grandkids got gifts....or you could LET IT GO! The man is not doing well. The last thing he's probably worried about is what to get YOU - the one who's not really into gifts - for Christmas.
Who were you supposed to "exchange" gifts with? I didn't understand. The disabled person? Another contractor? A staff worker?
Yeah, it sounds like you were taken advantage of because you were a temp. Unless you had partaken in some freebies at the office, like free lunches or goodies, as if you were permanent.
I temped for a while. I was careful never to go for the free food, unless someone specifically came and told me to. I made it clear that I knew I was not permanent.
Now you have learned a good lesson: Have an excuse at the ready. Like, "I'm sorry, I just don't have the extra money this year. Unless you want me to choose something that you pay for? I'd be happy to do that." That should go over well enough, since you don't have a permanent position. Easy to believe you don't have as much $ as others.
This IS a good lesson and the idea of an excuse is great. Re: your question, I was supposed to exchange gifts with another in the office who had brought a gift. Someone (perhaps plural) did not bring a gift, but took a gift apparently. The whole thing was just poorly handled in my opinion.
Actually that supervisor 'pulled similar stunts' (guilting people into doing more) since that time. It took a while for me to see it, but I finally did and thankfully learned to be firmer in my response.
Re: 'freebies', I rarely went to the Friday potlucks, but when i did, I always brought something. I try to be careful about things like that. I love being a contractor because I don't have to deal with the politics of the 'office'. Since that event, I pretty much ended any Friday office visits except to turn in paperwork, then out the door.
I guess the reason I even told of this event was to just commiserate that everyone has that 'child' in them that doesn't like to be left out.
I didn't understand or missed the post explaining that her grandparents were in a nursing care situation! OMG, I would have answered quite differently. If they are of a certain age then forgetfulness due to any number of problems of the elderly may have been the obvious culprit, so I DON'T think that it would be a good idea for the OP to approach them by asking WHY she didn't receive a gift. Best to consult with other family members and as another poster suggested, try to find out if the grandparents are doing okay, how maybe the OP can help THEM. OP IS lucky to still have grandparents. This will definitely be a time of learning for her as they grow older...
Last edited by tangelag; 12-28-2015 at 10:46 PM..
Reason: to add info
This year on Christmas morning I went to see my Grandparents as I always do. But this year as we exchanged gifts, I didn't get one from them. I didn't say anything, but I'm a little hurt. It's not even that I didn't get a present, it's that there was not even any acknowledgement that I wasn't getting one. I've always gotten a present and if money was tight (it isn't), they could have said something. I don't even think Grandma knows I didn't get anything as Grandpa seemed to be the one in charge of buying presents.
Is it wrong for me to be upset? Again, it's not that I didn't get a gift that upsets me (well... ok, it does) but it's more that there was no acknowledgement of it and my parents and my uncle got a gift. Should I have said something? Should I still say something? I'll see them Tuesday.
I'm not asking for a gift, just an explanation (although an apology for not even acknowledging it would be nice). I sat there Christmas morning wondering if I had done something to offend them. I felt like crying. I mean, if I decided to stop exchanging gifts with someone, I would at least say so beforehand. I wouldn't just leave them wondering if they had offended me or something.
I've been in this situation with my own grandparents. In this case, it wasn't presents being handed off in person on a holiday, but birthday money sent in a birthday card for each of our birthdays. At the time that my grandmother stopped sending me a card + money, I was an adult (early 20s) but my siblings and cousins were still getting cards with money to my knowledge. Like you, it wasn't so much about the money/gift itself, more the principle that I was the only one singled out, making me feel like I'd done something wrong. Worse, this no-card thing began on the same year that I started making a concerted effort to call my grandmother on a periodic basis in an attempt to strengthen a faded relationship with her too. I think you should be assertive (which takes a lot of bravery for some people like us) and ask them about it, sooner than later. Maybe you should broach the topic with your parents first, and see if they have any insight or perspective, or if perhaps they could mention it to them for you. Do not let this sit and fester; that will cause more harm in the long run, as it did for me. Sitting on it will not make the hurt go away; it'll just make you unintentionally harbor resentment, insecurity, and feelings of self doubt that you'll likely tend to cast off to others in the form of bitter vibes. Bottling it all up could also lead you to one day "burst," spilling out your feelings on the situation in a very tense, non-diplomatic way once a "triggering event" occurs and/or if this pattern continues. So I recommend you speak up sooner than later, and make it clear that you're not greedy for presents, just concerned about the principle of it because you worry that perhaps you did something wrong. Make it seem like you're more concerned about how you may have hurt or offended them (leading to them not getting you a present) than you are about your need for a present, if that makes sense.
You're not really into gifts? Right. Keep telling yourself that. Yet you started a thread on a forum about it. And have gone on ad nauseam about a gift.....but you're not really into gifts.
Ask your mother if the other grandkids got gifts....or you could LET IT GO! The man is not doing well. The last thing he's probably worried about is what to get YOU - the one who's not really into gifts - for Christmas.
OMG really?! You really don't see the depth beyond the gift part? It's not about the gift; it's about the principle of feeling left out or worrying that something was done wrong! I know because I've been there before, unfortunately. And "letting it go" is a horrible idea, as the OP is clearly upset enough about it if he/she started this whole thread. "Letting it go" is bull, in my experience, because all it will do is lead to someone bottling it up in an unhealthy way, or alternatively, training oneself into how to be a pushover.
This happened to me this year - my side of the family decided to draw names so that everyone only had to buy gifts for one person each. My husband ended up with my name. I did not have his. However, I still bought him a couple things from me, and a couple from the kids. On Christmas morning, he ended up with 5-6 gifts.
I got one present. From him. Nothing "from the kids." Nothing from him outside of the extended family gift swap. After all the gifts got doled out, my son turned to me, wide-eyed, and said, "You only got ONE GIFT? That sucks!" *lol* And while I did briefly feel a little left out while my husband opened up his various gifts, I also laughed at the clear miscommunication that the name draw was solely for extended family, not for our immediate family group. All the other adults in the room had multiple gifts - not just the one from the family name swap, but also from their spouses and, for the ones with small children, from the kids.
So next year we'll be a little more detailed in our instructions.
What's funny is that for years I've said, "I just love the holiday - I don't really need gifts," but now that this happened, I realized this is false. I enjoy getting gifts from folks. I still don't *need* them, but I like them. And more than one would be nice. *lol*
A woman I once worked with told me that she and her husband did all their shopping last minute. They got home and were going through everything and he said, "Oh no! I forgot to get something for you!" He dashed out and came back shortly. Turned out he ran to the thrift shop on the next block and got her a second hand poncho. She laughed about it.
As someone who has, in recent years, lost everyone who mattered to me, I can tell you something that might surprise you. Even worse than the pain of not receiving a gift is having no one for whom to BUY a gift. The thinking about what would please that person whom you love so dearly (and it wouldn't have to be expensive; just meaningful), the search for the perfect item, the care with which you wrap it (I always injected some humor into this), the anticipation of its unveiling, and the joy of seeing it please that precious one. Obviously, I never did "gift cards" just to fulfill some monetary obligation, but truly gave a GIFT of myself. It really IS more blessed to give than to receive, and more fun, too! Maybe think of THEM next year (if they're still around)?
A woman I once worked with told me that she and her husband did all their shopping last minute. They got home and were going through everything and he said, "Oh no! I forgot to get something for you!" He dashed out and came back shortly. Turned out he ran to the thrift shop on the next block and got her a second hand poncho. She laughed about it.
Hey. She can wear that poncho to go get some Taco Bell for everyone.
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Keep telling yourself that. Yet you started a thread on a forum about it. And have gone on ad nauseam about a gift.....but you're not really into gifts.
