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Faith, you don't need to worry about offending them. You don't owe them an explanation. Don't let the conversation go down that path. Stay in control.
Tell this woman "no". It requires no further explanation. If she presses you, smile, say " no" again and add the words " discussion is over, , I'm not interested in sales and I'm not doing it. The end. "
You seem sort of desperate to want to be friends with this gal, yet you have no idea if she really wants to be friends with you or is just trying to use you. Tell her " no" and you'll find out where she stands.
Faith, you don't need to worry about offending them. You don't owe them an explanation. Don't let the conversation go down that path. Stay in control.
Tell this woman "no". It requires no further explanation. If she presses you, smile, say " no" again and add the words " discussion is over, , I'm not interested in sales and I'm not doing it. The end. "
You seem sort of desperate to want to be friends with this gal, yet you have no idea if she really wants to be friends with you or is just trying to use you. Tell her " no" and you'll find out where she stands.
Exactly. This person is a unique type of predator. Just walk away.
How awkward will it be on our friendship if i tell her that I just don't want to do it?
Your friend is a lying scumbag who is using the name of God to sell a pyramid scheme of "healthy" crap. I would distance myself from this "nurse". She's dangerous.
Faith, you don't need to worry about offending them. You don't owe them an explanation. Don't let the conversation go down that path. Stay in control.
Tell this woman "no". It requires no further explanation. If she presses you, smile, say " no" again and add the words " discussion is over, , I'm not interested in sales and I'm not doing it. The end. "
You seem sort of desperate to want to be friends with this gal, yet you have no idea if she really wants to be friends with you or is just trying to use you. Tell her " no" and you'll find out where she stands.
Me and her have a lot in common and I enjoyed our friendship until the party. I'm not necessarily desperate but I've lived in this city for almost three years now and am finally at a point where I'm making friends that remind me of my best gfs back in my home state. I dislike Philly immensely but it's the friendships that I've have established over the last year that has made the city more tolerable for me. So yes I admit I would like to sustain friendships.
That being said I don't believe she is using me. We have known each other since September and she did not mention the business until last month. And the only reason she did was because of a discussion we had and I actually asked her what her and her husbands business was after she mentioned it in passing. I then told her I wanted to buy the product and she gave me her card that had the website info.
As put off as I am by the party she is very shy and is actually a sweet girl. I don't know how else to describe her-she is a genuinely warm kind person. And is very religious. Our kids go to a Christian school and she frequently makes remarks about God in conversations since I've known her. I don't believe based on our interactions up until the party that she is using me. Every time we've hung out her personality and who she is has been represented the same. Even at the party she was pretty quiet-it was her husband and his cousin that were acting like sales men.
I feel like my opinion of her was good up until the party I now find myself questioning her thought process to actually believe the hype about the prospects of this MLM. Which is perhaps another minor new issue-I don't think she using me but I do wonder how if we do sustain the friendship once I say no how I can fake show support for this business when I really want to tell her to run for the hills and not invest anymore of her money into it.
Last edited by Faith2187; 01-11-2016 at 10:38 AM..
I feel like my opinion of her was good up until the party I now find myself questioning her thought process to actually believe the hype about the prospects of this MLM. Which is perhaps another minor new issue-I don't think she using me but I do wonder how if we do sustain the friendship once I say no how I can fake show support for this business when I really want to tell her to run for the hills and not invest anymore of her money into it.
I have friends who go into businesses or relationships that counter my better judgement. I goes against my natural instincts but I have learned a hard lesson to cheer on victories and cry along with defeats but not offer unsolicited advise. Not saying I always am very good at keeping my thoughts to myself, but I have very very often regretted being in a position of being able to say "I told you so." because the person needing your comfort and understanding won't want you if something you advised against fails.
Me and her have a lot in common and I enjoyed our friendship until the party. I'm not necessarily desperate but I've lived in this city for almost three years now and am finally at a point where I'm making friends that remind me of my best gfs back in my home state. I dislike Philly immensely but it's the friendships that I've have established over the last year that has made the city more tolerable for me. So yes I admit I would like to sustain friendships.
That being said I don't believe she is using me. We have known each other since September and she did not mention the business until last month. And the only reason she did was because of a discussion we had and I actually asked her what her and her husbands business was after she mentioned it in passing. I then told her I wanted to buy the product and she gave me her card that had the website info.
As put off as I am by the party she is very shy and is actually a sweet girl. I don't know how else to describe her-she is a genuinely warm kind person. And is very religious. Our kids go to a Christian school and she frequently makes remarks about God in conversations since I've known her. I don't believe based on our interactions up until the party that she is using me. Every time we've hung out her personality and who she is has been represented the same. Even at the party she was pretty quiet-it was her husband and his cousin that were acting like sales men.
I feel like my opinion of her was good up until the party I now find myself questioning her thought process to actually believe the hype about the prospects of this MLM. Which is perhaps another minor new issue-I don't think she using me but I do wonder how if we do sustain the friendship once I say no how I can fake show support for this business when I really want to tell her to run for the hills and not invest anymore of her money into it.
If she is really friend material, you should be able to simply tell her you don't want to do this. When she asks you, you can simply tell her you have some personal reasons that you prefer not to discuss.
If she hounds you, then you know she isn't friendship material.
At the same time, it sounds like you could learn to be a bit more assertive in setting your boundaries with others.
The minute she handed over a business card would have been a red flag for me.
Yep.
Stick to your guns. No need to sell laxatives just to keep a so-called friend.
They may or may not actually **believe** the hype. They may just be "all in" right now since they have invested in this product. Sure, they may be educated and have good jobs, but who knows what their financial situation is actually like? They might be doing this for extra income. ALL MLM sellers use the "quit my job and do this full-time one day" line. It's just part of the hard sell to get you on board.
As "out there" as this seems, it doesn't necessarily mean she is crazy or has bad judgement. I know plenty of people who believe they were called by God to do this or that. The way she treats you AFTER you tell her no will tell YOU everything you need to know about her friendship.
I'm with willow wind. It's perfectly OK to tell someone "no" and not give a reason. I had a therapist tell me to just say, "I won't do xyz" if I didn't feel it was right for me. She said don't even say "I can't do xyz," because that leaves you open to attempting to explain why you "can't" do it. A true friend will accept your decision without allowing it to break up your friendship. Possiblely, your shy friend is being pushed into this by her more domineering husband which might explain why she kept quiet about the business to begin with. I'm not a big fan of direct messages from God, but I do respect that some people feel they receive divine guidance in such a way. Still, if this is some divinely inspired plan, why didn't God inform you of it as well?
I'm sure you have better uses for $300 - $400. Why not start an educational fund for your children with that money? Or donate it to a worthy charity sponsored by your church? If your friend's husband wants to devote his time to get rich schemes, that's his perogative. Don't allow yourself to be guilt tripped into supporting something you have so many doubts about. Interact with your friend as before and let the kids play together. If your friend turns cold toward you, that's her loss. You write that you have other friends in the area. Devote your energies to deeping your friendships with them. And maybe your feelings of unease about all this are God's way of letting you know that a pyramid scheme is not the right thing for you to become involved with. Did you ever consider that?
Last edited by Colorado Rambler; 01-11-2016 at 11:24 AM..
About a month ago I had a play date with a new friend. Our kids go to school together, and that is how we met, but we are so much alike that it's crazy so though we have really not known each other very long it feels like we have. In any case during this play date we were talking about health and I mentioned I had IBS-C and that due to stress and some negative internal beliefs I've had that the Ibs has flared up. I mentioned that I was having issues using the bathroom and we had a long discussion about it and then she told me about this product she had been using that not only had her going but also caused her to lose a little weight. She is a nurse btw who is very health conscious. I asked her about the product because I wanted to try it since she said it was all natural. She then told me that it was her and her husband's business and gave me her business card which had the website and told me to text her when I was ready to purchase it.
Last week I texted her and she gave me the information and I bought it. It was pricey so I was already feeling a bit put off by it but then she texted me the next day and asked me to come to her house Saturday for a get together because they are launching the product and want to talk to me more about it. She told me to bring a friend. So I brought a friend and to my surprise the get to together was really her husband and his cousin talking to us about selling the products in a MLM type of set up. They did a presentation and everything and the entire time I was confused--I had no idea that the party was going to be this way or else I would not have attended.
The products they sale are all natural so I didn't feel like it was a scam in that regard-i researched the product I bought from her heavily before doing it so again I don't feel like the products are bad. The comp plan also actually was suprisingly good for a MLM as well. However the reasons I felt turned off? First everyone attending this party were all college educated professionals and her husband who has his own IT business is very smart. Yet they were talking about how they were doing so well selling the products that within a year they were both going to quit their jobs and just focus on the product business.
She told us God gave her a message on New years Eve that something needed to give in her life, and that there were some things going on at work that made her unhappy and that she didn't know how she was going to be able to retire based on her company plan, that she wanted to be able to leave her kids inheritance and so on. Her husband made a similar speech. As a disclaimer I don't see anything wrong with MLM as a side business but putting everything in it? Especially good jobs? It was weird. Maybe this is because I tend to have a negative opinion about MLMs to begin with because I know of no one that made a killing over the long term using an MLM as the only source of income.
Hearing them carry on about the business and their future really made me give her the side eye.
Another thing that turned me off? Some of the products are weight loss products and three of the women she invited to the meeting want to lose weight and visibly need to lose weight and I feel uncomfortable with her and her husband pushing these products and the business on these women when they are not diet/nutrition consultants. The three overweight women mentioned that they've tried nearly every diet and have not had success-and they seemed excited about the product. Not necessarily for the business prospect but because her husband was showing them pictures of women that have lost weight using the products. I know this is common for many health MLM but I felt like it was wrong to promise these women they would lose weight using these products without considering diet, exercise etc.
Finally after the presentation they did the whole sales gimmick about how we don't need to wait to hop on board that the time is now because we would be missing out on xyz if we decide to wait before agreeing to sign on to join their business. So they passed out sign up sheets to us all and told us we could either make a $300 investment or $500 investment and so on. I could elaborate but that's the gist of it. The cash investment would buy a ton of product which you could use for yourself or sale.
The other women all signed up, me and my friend said we needed to think about it. They tried to get us to do it but we did not sign up. I felt bad for inviting my friend to the get together for some of the reasons I listed-I know that she is a single mom like myself and that she especially cannot just invest that money to the business all willy-nilly like that. Thankfully she seemed fine and is even entertaining the idea of signing up to do the business. I am probably not going to do it. And when I left her house as put off as i was by it I still planned on continuing to hang out with her. However yesterday she sent me a text saying she was excited about us building a future for our children together I did not sign up so I was like.... She told me to text her if i have any questions.
I'm now thinking that if I don't signup she might be offended or it might taint the friendship. Honestly the $300 investment won't hurt me and I did consider doing it just to help her but I did not want to get roped in into this pyramid scheme. How awkward will it be on our friendship if i tell her that I just don't want to do it?
This is what happens when you get too chummy with people too quickly. Learn the difference between what an acquaintance is and a friend is.
Thank you everyone for the insight. I will tell her no and see how she reacts, if we stop hanging out so be it. It is very true that I don't know what their financial situation is. They have a nice house for a young family and can obviously afford a private school for the son that is friends with my son and daycare tuition for their baby so I'm sure that they need extra income but being that I had never intended a MLM meeting I guess I was put off by the statements and financial claims they were making. I trust her admittingly because I knew her before the party and hung out with her on different Occasions and not once did she push anything on me or mention this. I don't think she is necessarily trying to be a MLM predator-I think she really believes in it and it seems from the dynamics I observed between her and her husband it seems like he may be a big reason why she suddenly is on board with this. I also don't believe she used God's name as a ploy to get us to buy into it. She talks about God a lot and again our kids go to a Christian school so it comes with the territory of nearly every parent I've met at the school. I believe that she believes God has called her to do this.
Likewise I don't believe this is something that God wants me to do. It isn't even the cost that puts me off, because $300 isn't a lot of money to me but I don't believe in MLM pyramid business schemes no matter how good they sound or the sales pitch and even if it was a dollar I was not going to be on board with it.
I have many friends that over the years have done these types of things and put all their energy toward it and they are broke afterwards and things do not take off like they envisioned-MLMs are easier to make money off in the beginning and in the short term but that's it imo. I think I had a smirk on my face the entire presentation because I found it comical. What I found unsettling is how quick the other women were to sign up for the business and how hopeful they were that they can lose weight and I just wanted to scream out to them
that maybe they should use the $300 to get a nutrition consultation or personal training.
The products aren't laxative pills. They are natural vitamins, natural sex products, detox tea( what she recommended to me to cleanse my system and use the bathroom three times a day-which I was interested in because with Ibs-c I've been really sick lately and have been unable to go. I don't like taking pills and laxatives. Thankfully I've found a natural remedy that's been helping me: cleaning up my diet lol.
I will just let her know that after praying about it that God wants me to work on some other things at the moment and not the business.
I also didn't get chummy with her quick lol. I met her back in September, so we've known each other over the past 4 months and she's invited me to many things-galas, play dates, a woman's church retreat, etc. I don't want to misrepresent her character because I do still believe she is a nice person but I think that she saw an opportunity and since she believes in it wants to get everyone on board. She also probably needs the money. I know that she makes good money, but like I said I think they probably need more income because expenses add up.
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I did not sign up so I was like.... She told me to text her if i have any questions. 
