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Just 5 more days. I wake up each morning with the new count. It's my mantra. The move out date is set, just 5 more days.
She is packing, I try to help her pack, help her arrange things. I ignore the comment, "Hopefully I'll die before my money runs out" and continue to help her pack.
I work from home, there is no separation. I have no place to go to, no place to be safe in this situation. I have my weekly therapy sessions, which is a bright point in my week, but that's it. This week I need to be home 24/7 for work, meaning I can't leave the house. Wonderful timing.
Just 5 more days.
I am afraid all of the time in my own house. Took some therapy to determine why, it's because she can hurt me very easily. It scares me that she has such power over me. I'm working through ways to get past that, not allow her to hurt me any more, but it's hard when you live together. I've come to a greater understanding of the power my mother has over me. She's nurtured this manipulative relationship my entire life, with plenty of work done in my early years. It's going to take time to remove those hooks. It will go a lot easier when she's not living with me. I've read books on Toxic Parents, BPD, and ways to heal. I'm getting there. I wish I could just say "NO MORE" and have it vanish.
Sometime I stay awake a night wondering if I'm doing a mean thing. Wondering if I'm doing the selfish thing. But then I realize it doesn't matter when it's the right thing. I imagine how things will be when I remove this point of pain and manipulation and fear from my every day routine and it feels good. I imagine redefining our relationship going forward...not being foolish into thinking we'll ever have a normal mother/son relationship...I think that one isn't in the cards...but maybe we can figure something out. Some day.
Just 5 more days.
She makes comments of "I guess I'll just be alone from now on", and I remain calm and reassuring. Of course I'll visit. I know she does this as part of her guilt manipulation, but I don't become defensive, just reassuring. But of course it hurts. She's good at that.
She needs a couple of articles of furniture in her new place, so tells me "I guess I'll just have to go without, who knows when you will be able to spare some time for me." I remain calm, inform her that yes, I will help her pick it up and help her set it up. But it will have to wait until a week or two after the move. She doesn't respond. She never acknowledges my responses, probably because I'm not being defensive and guilty. She doesn't like that.
Just 5 more days.
She's supposedly in therapy, I don't know if she actually goes, but I know she set it up. I'm hoping her therapist is seeing unhealthy behavior and helping her get through these issues.
It's been a hellish year so far. I am exhausted. I count the minutes every day until my wife gets home or my children get home and I can be "rescued" from the fear. My mother is always different whenever someone else is there.
I have the moving truck reserved, friends ready to help, I just have to make it 5 more days.
Just 5 more days. I wake up each morning with the new count. It's my mantra. The move out date is set, just 5 more days.
She is packing, I try to help her pack, help her arrange things. I ignore the comment, "Hopefully I'll die before my money runs out" and continue to help her pack.
I work from home, there is no separation. I have no place to go to, no place to be safe in this situation. I have my weekly therapy sessions, which is a bright point in my week, but that's it. This week I need to be home 24/7 for work, meaning I can't leave the house. Wonderful timing.
Just 5 more days.
I am afraid all of the time in my own house. Took some therapy to determine why, it's because she can hurt me very easily. It scares me that she has such power over me. I'm working through ways to get past that, not allow her to hurt me any more, but it's hard when you live together. I've come to a greater understanding of the power my mother has over me. She's nurtured this manipulative relationship my entire life, with plenty of work done in my early years. It's going to take time to remove those hooks. It will go a lot easier when she's not living with me. I've read books on Toxic Parents, BPD, and ways to heal. I'm getting there. I wish I could just say "NO MORE" and have it vanish.
Sometime I stay awake a night wondering if I'm doing a mean thing. Wondering if I'm doing the selfish thing. But then I realize it doesn't matter when it's the right thing. I imagine how things will be when I remove this point of pain and manipulation and fear from my every day routine and it feels good. I imagine redefining our relationship going forward...not being foolish into thinking we'll ever have a normal mother/son relationship...I think that one isn't in the cards...but maybe we can figure something out. Some day.
Just 5 more days.
She makes comments of "I guess I'll just be alone from now on", and I remain calm and reassuring. Of course I'll visit. I know she does this as part of her guilt manipulation, but I don't become defensive, just reassuring. But of course it hurts. She's good at that.
She needs a couple of articles of furniture in her new place, so tells me "I guess I'll just have to go without, who knows when you will be able to spare some time for me." I remain calm, inform her that yes, I will help her pick it up and help her set it up. But it will have to wait until a week or two after the move. She doesn't respond. She never acknowledges my responses, probably because I'm not being defensive and guilty. She doesn't like that.
Just 5 more days.
She's supposedly in therapy, I don't know if she actually goes, but I know she set it up. I'm hoping her therapist is seeing unhealthy behavior and helping her get through these issues.
It's been a hellish year so far. I am exhausted. I count the minutes every day until my wife gets home or my children get home and I can be "rescued" from the fear. My mother is always different whenever someone else is there.
I have the moving truck reserved, friends ready to help, I just have to make it 5 more days.
She will be gone soon, quit being so dramatic. Now you make her sound like a serial killer.
You had no problem taking $20K from her. If she was that horrible why did you take her money?
She's out of there, and your house with a finished basement has a higher value.
Just 5 more days. I wake up each morning with the new count. It's my mantra. The move out date is set, just 5 more days.
She is packing, I try to help her pack, help her arrange things. I ignore the comment, "Hopefully I'll die before my money runs out" and continue to help her pack.
I work from home, there is no separation. I have no place to go to, no place to be safe in this situation. I have my weekly therapy sessions, which is a bright point in my week, but that's it. This week I need to be home 24/7 for work, meaning I can't leave the house. Wonderful timing.
Just 5 more days.
I am afraid all of the time in my own house. Took some therapy to determine why, it's because she can hurt me very easily. It scares me that she has such power over me. I'm working through ways to get past that, not allow her to hurt me any more, but it's hard when you live together. I've come to a greater understanding of the power my mother has over me. She's nurtured this manipulative relationship my entire life, with plenty of work done in my early years. It's going to take time to remove those hooks. It will go a lot easier when she's not living with me. I've read books on Toxic Parents, BPD, and ways to heal. I'm getting there. I wish I could just say "NO MORE" and have it vanish.
Sometime I stay awake a night wondering if I'm doing a mean thing. Wondering if I'm doing the selfish thing. But then I realize it doesn't matter when it's the right thing. I imagine how things will be when I remove this point of pain and manipulation and fear from my every day routine and it feels good. I imagine redefining our relationship going forward...not being foolish into thinking we'll ever have a normal mother/son relationship...I think that one isn't in the cards...but maybe we can figure something out. Some day.
Just 5 more days.
She makes comments of "I guess I'll just be alone from now on", and I remain calm and reassuring. Of course I'll visit. I know she does this as part of her guilt manipulation, but I don't become defensive, just reassuring. But of course it hurts. She's good at that.
She needs a couple of articles of furniture in her new place, so tells me "I guess I'll just have to go without, who knows when you will be able to spare some time for me." I remain calm, inform her that yes, I will help her pick it up and help her set it up. But it will have to wait until a week or two after the move. She doesn't respond. She never acknowledges my responses, probably because I'm not being defensive and guilty. She doesn't like that.
Just 5 more days.
She's supposedly in therapy, I don't know if she actually goes, but I know she set it up. I'm hoping her therapist is seeing unhealthy behavior and helping her get through these issues.
It's been a hellish year so far. I am exhausted. I count the minutes every day until my wife gets home or my children get home and I can be "rescued" from the fear. My mother is always different whenever someone else is there.
I have the moving truck reserved, friends ready to help, I just have to make it 5 more days.
Wow, she's working it hard, isn't she?
Kudos to you and don't give in. You will feel SO much better when it's in the past, and I for one look forward to hearing about the great change and the positive energy flowing throughout your now guilt-free home.
Just 5 more days. I wake up each morning with the new count. It's my mantra. The move out date is set, just 5 more days.
...
Just 5 more days.
...
Just 5 more days.
...
Just 5 more days.
...
I just have to make it 5 more days.
Just keep repeating it. Just 5 more days, OP. We're counting with you!
Pay no attention to crappy, unwarranted comments like his. That was completely uncalled for.
Those of us who have had toxic relatives understand what you're feeling, and it IS dramatic.
Thankfully, it sounds like you're in much better place emotionally and mentally. You are doing a GREAT job staying calm and NOT taking her bait.
Now you know why the rest of her family won't take her in. You are NOT required to; you don't even have to visit if you don't want to. For your mom, this is called "reaping what you sow."
Pay no attention to crappy, unwarranted comments like his. That was completely uncalled for.
Those of us who have had toxic relatives understand what you're feeling, and it IS dramatic.
Thankfully, it sounds like you're in much better place emotionally and mentally. You are doing a GREAT job staying calm and NOT taking her bait.
Now you know why the rest of her family won't take her in. You are NOT required to; you don't even have to visit if you don't want to. For your mom, this is called "reaping what you sow."
No it wasn't uncalled for. You don't take money from toxic relatives because now you "owe them". The OP played a role in this. Huge mistake to take her money.
The good news is the mother is moving out.
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If she was that horrible why did you take her money?
. The OP played a role in this. Huge mistake to take her money.
