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She will not have trouble negotiating the stairs for many years - she is only 66 - that is not even that old. She could like another 30 years - can you handle that? You need to try to set her up somewhere else.
While the OP's mom is moved out (I believe) I have to address your comment.
Yes, 66 is not very old but everyone is different. My mother could not lift her leg high enough to go up even one small step by age 66 (due to rheumatoid arthritis) my brother and I developed rheumatoid arthritis in our early/mid 50s and could not handle stairs long, long before age 66.
My husband started to have difficult on stairs in his late 50s/early 60s due to nerve damage in his legs and nearly died when he suffered a Traumatic Brain Injury from a fall down stairs.
I am only 63 and I have several friends that are near my age who either can not do stairs at all (they need a walker or wheelchair) or need to limit their stair climbing to once or twice a day.
Yes, some 66 year olds can bound up & down stairs almost like a teenager but not everyone.
[quote=Dyingsoul52;43191403]Just 5 more days. I wake up each morning with the new count. It's my mantra. The move out date is set, just 5 more days.
She is packing, I try to help her pack, help her arrange things. I ignore the comment, "Hopefully I'll die before my money runs out" and continue to help her pack.
I work from home, there is no separation. I have no place to go to, no place to be safe in this situation. I have my weekly therapy sessions, which is a bright point in my week, but that's it. This week I need to be home 24/7 for work, meaning I can't leave the house. Wonderful timing.
The move went about as smoothly as it could. Not much in the way of confrontation but things were tense. Called in a lot of favors, had a lot of help...
Then I enjoyed my house for the first time in years. Got to take the kids to see a movie without consequences or guilt. Got to look forward to a weekend again. It's been great!
Went back the following weekend to help her unpack a bit and put together/move some furniture. Things stayed civil, mostly because the kids were there, I'm sure.
Supposed to go back this Saturday. I figure I'll try for the every other week visit thing but not sure that's going to work out...
I still have guilt of course. I still feel like I failed at some moral obligation to take care of my mother. I know beyond a doubt I've made the right choice for me and my family, but I can't really say for sure it was the *right* choice for her. I'm working through that one day at a time...just reminding myself of how things were and how things are, and how much better and happier my life is. The guilt I feel about having her leave is nearly insubstantial to the pain and guilt I felt when she lived with me. I just have to remember that and keep things in perspective.
She called me this evening, we talked for a while. Things started to go poorly in the conversation, she began with the attacks again. Telling me how she wasn't mean to us, and how she is "done" being used and thrown away. She said "this is over" but didn't elaborate (I suspect she meant our relationship...if she only knew how much I'd welcome that)...then started to talk about how she couldn't forgive my wife for "yelling at her". I wouldn't respond to any of this and the conversation ended.
Now it's on to boundary setting. Part of me really just wants to cut her out completely. I'm hopeful it won't come to that. My therapist tells me it's up to me now to decide what kind of relationship I have with my mother. It won't be a mother/son relationship, that ship sailed loooong ago, but maybe we can have a different kind of relationship. We'll see how it goes.
The fight continues, and won't be easing up any time soon...but it was worth the struggle and strife and the hellish two months.
Thanks to all for your support! I even thank those few who weren't supportive, it's always good to have perspective!
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