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This is good advice Creme. The friend that "talks a lot", overtakes conversation, has been very busy last several weeks. The other friend and i spent some time together about once a week for a month. It was totally different, and we both noticed it. It was relaxing, talking and listening. My whole body felt calm. A week or so ago the 3 of us went to a winery with these new cabanas with a fan and couch and chairs, just charming. So were talking and eating and Cindy got up to go to the building and use the restroom, Barbara had this look on her face, I said, "what"? She said it's so quiet. We both laughed so hard. So, I may bring up this habit that Cindy has of not letting us finish our thoughts. Thank you, Creme.
as I said, really believe if you bought it up gently you might help her spritual growth, b/c I'm certain she does it to everyone else in conversations...she could just be very passionate about certain subjects or afraid if she doesn't say what she's thinking at the time, she'll forget it if she doesn't interrupt....and let her know that, ask her why she does it, and explain to her, your love her and are not trying to be mean, but wanted to call it to her attention b/c it's a common practice of hers and you want to help her overcome it, b/c it might not sit well in professional conversations, etc.
Your welcome, and Good luck...I do hope it goes well....in these days, people refuse to take Constructive criticism as feedback that offers recommendations for change and improvement. Instead, people are insulted personally, so, before doing so, please note, you might loose her friendship. My foster mom, was always one who tried to help people by offering kind recommendations, and she got away with it...but you may not...so?
young people think they know it all, just like we did....however, they are so lost, they can't use awareness and realize, that mothers and grandmothers came from a different time, and did a lot of things all together differently....and that's our fault for not being harder on our children. I see young mothers today on videos that don't know the first thing about how to raise children...
We only have ourselves to blame, we were not strict, we did everything for them and gave them everything, we didn't teach them how to problem solve on their own...we didn't teach them awareness and the importance of making mistakes...
so now you have this entitled generation that believes, when you try and help, your interfering, and they are insulted so easily...instead of just being quiet, and thinking, "hey maybe I can learn something?" and if not, tuck it away somewhere in the back of your mind, for later use, instead of taking insult and fighting....
and those to are my thoughts on the matter.
Speak for yourself. I never coddled my kids though I was much kinder than my parents. My grandkids are not coddled either. This probably is a systemic sociatal issue, but it is not pandemic yet, getting close though. The problem is that those complainers are on the internet complaining instead of out interacting with people and living their lives. That is where the virus of the mind is.
Not to mention when I was growing up in the 60's there were kids whose parents mistakenly let them think the world revovled around them and they did not do well with other kids at school. Some of them figured it out and some of them are in jail or rehab or on the street. And my dad was one who always blamed his bad behavior on others, so it is a human thing that has been exacerbated by lack of interaction face to face with ohter humans, playing video games instead of outside playing games; watching stupid anti-social videos made by "incluencers" that are actually paid by big companies to push products.
as I said, really believe if you bought it up gently you might help her spritual growth, b/c I'm certain she does it to everyone else in conversations...she could just be very passionate about certain subjects or afraid if she doesn't say what she's thinking at the time, she'll forget it if she doesn't interrupt....and let her know that, ask her why she does it, and explain to her, your love her and are not trying to be mean, but wanted to call it to her attention b/c it's a common practice of hers and you want to help her overcome it, b/c it might not sit well in professional conversations, etc.
Your welcome, and Good luck...I do hope it goes well....in these days, people refuse to take Constructive criticism as feedback that offers recommendations for change and improvement. Instead, people are insulted personally, so, before doing so, please note, you might loose her friendship. My foster mom, was always one who tried to help people by offering kind recommendations, and she got away with it...but you may not...so?
True it's tricky to be friends with more than one person, we started out as 5 in a book club. Well that blew up and ended up the 3 of us. I'm afraid, she will be offended, no matter how gentle I am. They are going out today and I passed, tired and Dad just had a hear procedure Wednesday. Really no other reason. 5 is a lot of women to try and have a good time together, as time goes on you see and realize certain things about people, takes time to get to know them well.
DesertRat56 Speak for yourself. I never coddled my kids though I was much kinder than my parents. My grandkids are not coddled either. This probably is a systemic sociatal issue, but it is not pandemic yet, getting close though. The problem is that those complainers are on the internet complaining instead of out interacting with people and living their lives. That is where the virus of the mind is.
I'm going to try and say this as nicely as I possibly can b/c I don't want you to take offense, but do you really think and believe I meant you? Or that I meant everyone of you? I try so hard to be kind with my words, and still someone always thinks I mean everyone....and I even include myself, although I to bought my son up in the 60's and was extremely strict, sometimes maybe to strict....but please when you read comments, understand, I don't know you, I don't know that you have or had kids, or were strict or not strict? I simply made a comment about today's coddled kids, (and mind you, they are not all coddled) but my boy got a job, he definately helped around the house, I taught him how to do everything, to be self sufficent, and productive on his own so that he wouldn't have a need to get married just to be taken care of or have another mother. I don't know about you, but in my experience so many men back then wanted mother's and not a partner...and I vowed my son wouldn't be like that.
I inserted the word "we" so that people wouldn't take offense, does that make sense?
So please, don't take offense when someone writes something about a generation, they are not including you, although I understand at times it probably feels that way, ok? Are we good...? I hope so.
Relaxing, calm when high energy person is not with you. Understand. The person in our group has been spoken to several times. Maybe she thinks that's the way I'm.
Speaking spiritual, someone mentioned, in a devotion I just read, when someone mentioned a challenging person "Don't worry about her. She's what we call an E.R.G.---
Extra Grace Required." The person asked GOD to forgive her (me) for judging and gossiping about her and anyone I'd labeled as E.G.R. in the past.
Reminds me, take what you like and leave the rest. For me, my challenge can be around a person, their way or the highway.
True it's tricky to be friends with more than one person, we started out as 5 in a book club. Well that blew up and ended up the 3 of us. I'm afraid, she will be offended, no matter how gentle I am. They are going out today and I passed, tired and Dad just had a hear procedure Wednesday. Really no other reason. 5 is a lot of women to try and have a good time together, as time goes on you see and realize certain things about people, takes time to get to know them well.
Maybe it is just the wrong group of 5 that you are having trouble enjoying all together. I have had a lot of fun in groups of five people or more. When you get a click, which sounds like what you are dealing with, there is problems because everyone is supposed to agree on everything, how boring is that. But I could understand that some people find it difficult to be in a group so those people probably have to admit that (like you have) and just visit friends one at a time. Everyone is different which makes the world go round.
as I said, really believe if you bought it up gently you might help her spritual growth,
I am compulsive sometimes and this hit me as a control issue you have. No one is responsible for anyone else's "spiritual growth", or even social growth or what ever you think people need to learn. You have no control over anyone else, just what you think of them. You can change how you think, but you can't change anyone else.
And what does "spiritual growth" even mean anyway? Everyone has a different definition for that.
I'm going to try and say this as nicely as I possibly can b/c I don't want you to take offense, but do you really think and believe I meant you? Or that I meant everyone of you? I try so hard to be kind with my words, and still someone always thinks I mean everyone....and I even include myself, although I to bought my son up in the 60's and was extremely strict, sometimes maybe to strict....but please when you read comments, understand, I don't know you, I don't know that you have or had kids, or were strict or not strict? I simply made a comment about today's coddled kids, (and mind you, they are not all coddled) but my boy got a job, he definately helped around the house, I taught him how to do everything, to be self sufficent, and productive on his own so that he wouldn't have a need to get married just to be taken care of or have another mother. I don't know about you, but in my experience so many men back then wanted mother's and not a partner...and I vowed my son wouldn't be like that.
I inserted the word "we" so that people wouldn't take offense, does that make sense?
So please, don't take offense when someone writes something about a generation, they are not including you, although I understand at times it probably feels that way, ok? Are we good...? I hope so.
Ok. I am somoene who feels like offense is taken, not given so don't worry about me takig offense, if I do I breathe and check to see why I did, what the trigger was. I alson don't worry about offending anyone else for the same reason. I did feel like you were accusing a lot of people who didn't deserve it, and it is an easy thing to make a general statement about the youth of today, I see it and I have experienced some of what you described 20 years ago. And 10 years ago when I was looking for a job but all the people I dealt with at the agencies were young men (younger than my children) who decided a woman over 50 can't.... even though they had no real idea what the jobs I applied for needed. Lazy thinking. It is taught in school nowadays and the teachers are now trained to coddle children - we can't do that becuas one child... or we all have to do this because of one child... So in fear of offending one family the teacher or school offends the majority, but nothing is done because we all work and have no clue what is going on in school unless our child tells us. That has been going on since the 80's. Very different from the 60's when I went to school and no one cared who they left out or trampled.
Please do not respond kindly to me. I am rough and can take it if you feel you need to respond sternly, It might be good for you. Being afraid to offend someone is a problem in communication. No matter how kind you are there will be someone who takes something you said and makes it their problem. You have no control over that. Using the "We" in your earlier post was a tirgger for me, generalizations often are.
I agree we do have a problem with a lot of entitlement attitudes, but they span all ages, and the young ones will get their rude awakening if they are allowed to go out into the world and actually live in it. The added stress/disconnect is social media and video games that gives kids a skewed perception of the world. The games aren't necessariyl bad, but they keep kids inside separate from the world. Social Media (not forums like this that old people use) also gives people a very skewed perception of the world. It exacerbates the entitlement attitudes.
Please do not respond kindly to me. I am rough and can take it if you feel you need to respond sternly, It might be good for you. Being afraid to offend someone is a problem in communication. No matter how kind you are there will be someone who takes something you said and makes it their problem. You have no control over that. Using the "We" in your earlier post was a tirgger for me, generalizations often are.
I've been writing in forums for maybe 15 years or more...and it is so tiring how many people take offense to a generalized post? I mean, do they think I know them personally, if they have kids or not? Geeze Lousie....it's really frustrating. And if you arent' gentel with your words, then they run and tattle on you like 5 year olds or call you names....so its a never ending battle...I've even tried saying, some kids are entitled and it still comes back to haunt me?
DesertRat56;65624587]I am compulsive sometimes and this hit me as a control issue you have. No one is responsible for anyone else's "spiritual growth", or even social growth or what ever you think people need to learn. You have no control over anyone else, just what you think of them. You can change how you think, but you can't change anyone else.
And what does "spiritual growth" even mean anyway? Everyone has a different definition for that.
We were discussing her girlfriend that interrupts conversations and I suggested to discuss it gently, and not abruptly so as to offend her if she wishes to keep her as a friend, which is how it should be done, and not jump down someone's throat, in the middle of conversation....which is the way I would hope I'd handle it....that isn't a control issue, that's trying to be adult and polite about it....
as far as being responsible for anyone else's spritual growth, your right, however, by pointing it out gently to the person, rather then be abrupt and condiscending would make her think, "Hmmm, I never realized I did that and I probably do it to others, and in the work force" therefore helping her spiritual growth along a tad.....
Now I'm not going to debate this, if you feel Ive got control issues, fine...to each his own.
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