Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
They aren't living there because my brother doesn't want to. I think he's in denial - he was a Job Recruiter, and our father was in Human Resources. Dad and brother were very close, and Dad had no sympathy for the unemployed - they were all lazy. Brother is always telling me employment picture is getting better, he sent out more resumes, he has new interviews. I finally told him he's been saying that 5 years and he's unemployed. For him it's galling and humiliating.
He and I are both single and childless. That's what I always wanted, but he always said he wanted a family. I think moving back into our childhood home feels like he got nothing for his 54 years. He has a godson and a great-godson that he live nearby, which is another reason.
Yep, Seain Dublin and Shira_K, my brother did an incredibly hard job. And I let him do it. I've told him I'm willing to go to an attorney to amend the inheritance in writing.
That's good advice, Shira_k.
My brother, in his heart, is a very ethical and responsible person. When it comes to these long term things like fiscal planning, he just drags his feet. He finally did get POA over our Dad, just in time to turn his life support off.
If your mother needs full time caregiving(and it sounds like she does) you do realize that it would be almost impossible for your brother to have a full time job.
And a new job at that, there is no calling in sick, no FMLA, no sob stories about I have my elderly mother at home, or mom has two Dr. appts next week, I need time off. You can only have that luxury if you have been at the same job for years, and also have a very understanding employer.
Also if your brother is getting up two and three times a night because your mother needs something, it's hard to look bright eyed and ready to go to get into an office at 8am.
Unless people have done hands on caregiving they haven't a clue.
Look at it this way you get to live here in beautiful Southern CA, your brother has been carrying the load back in Michigan, if him not being the best when it comes to finances but cares for your mother, that is golden.
You obviously wouldn't want to be doing what he is doing, so if your role is going to be on the financial end so be it.
I would go pay a visit before you place any phone calls to Social Services, you only call those people in as a last resort, take a week or two off and go see what is going on.
I don't see the need for any tough love here. Your brother is doing one of the toughest jobs there is, and deserves credit for doing so. If you are in a position to do so, pay the tax bill, and encourage them to sell the empty house, and use the money for their expenses.
I don't see the need for any tough love here. Your brother is doing one of the toughest jobs there is, and deserves credit for doing so. If you are in a position to do so, pay the tax bill, and encourage them to sell the empty house, and use the money for their expenses.
I agree. When my sister lost her travel company after 9/11, my brothers asked if she could care for Mom. One brother owned a house on a lake, where our mom grew up & they moved there. Not only did they get free rent, but the family pitched in for things mom needed.
If you check into home care, it is $20 per hour to start. If she hadn't decided to take care of mom, we would have had to put her in a home when she developed dementia.
Pay the tax bill, but then put the house on the market. When it sells, you can get your $2000 back. Fly out there and hire a real estate agent yourself, if you have to. Your mom will need that money if she goes into an assisted living center later. Those places consume money like nobody's business; it's your mom's nest egg, and she'll need it. If there's anything left over when she passes, your bro will get it. Explain all this to get your mom on board. And frankly IMO you should get a power of attorney for yourself over your mom. Otherwise, your brother will, and there goes the next egg. Consult a lawyer before doing any of this.
I don't see the need for any tough love here. Your brother is doing one of the toughest jobs there is, and deserves credit for doing so. If you are in a position to do so, pay the tax bill, and encourage them to sell the empty house, and use the money for their expenses.
Absolutely. The OP should be incredibly grateful his brother is doing this.
Your mom's house is paid for and it's just sitting there- empty? And no taxes or upkeep are being paid. Good grief- get your brother into gear. The house needs to be lived in- either by your mom & brother or by tenants. Or it needs to be sold.
If you have the money to pay the taxes to keep it from going into a tax sale, then I would do so. A paid for house is too much money to throw away.
Perhaps you could take some vacation time and come back to see your mom & brother for a couple of weeks. Get mom to a doctor and see what is going on with her. Sit down with an attorney and get a set of end of life paperwork for her. Living will, a will, POA , health care directive, advance appointment of conservator, etc.
Your brother seems to be financially clueless. He may not be working because he is lazy or he may not be working because your mom really does need around the clock care. However, to have a house as an asset that is not making any money for them is just ridiculous.
I think you really need some legal and medical advice here on what to do with your mom and how to preserve her assets ( the house) for as long as possible. She is going to need that money. Dementia never gets better- it only progresses to worse and worse. Eventually mom will need skilled nursing care.
Good points.
I agree that you should take an extended vacation to evaluate the situation and your mother's current health needs and care.
I do have to add that there were 7 of us left to help with costs, not just 1, so the cost was not prohibitive for any of us. We all shared in the responsibility.
Also, the brother who had the house used it for a vacation home, although it was all season, as he'd moved for a job promotion to a different state, so it was win-win for him.
Just scanned quickly, but it seems if they didnt live in that apartment, they would have a lot more money to be able to pay the taxes on the house that they could live in. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do, and if that house is sitting empty, its ridiculous for them to be paying rent on an apartment.
Since he's been unemployed for 5 years, it sure doesnt seem like he's done much to get a job where he is. Sometimes you have to let people help themselves, when they are sitting on a solution, but just dont want to do it.
Makes no sense to me.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
