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I'm 25 and I was the result of an accidental pregnancy. My parents never really had a serious relationship, only a short lived fling.
I've always lived with my mother and she has been amazing as a mum. She gave up on her entire personal life to take care me. She worked and raised me brilliantly and despite the circumstances of my birth, she only had love to give. She's truly the best woman I know.
My father is a very different story. I was always an afterthought in his life. He always helped financially, quite generously actually. He helped pay for a number of things, including college. I give him that and I'll always be in debt with him for that.
But he was never meant to have a kid. He visited me regularly with big gaps in between when he travelled due to his job. I don't remember a single gesture of affection for him or true dedication on his part. Whenever I spent time with him, he would have a nanny to take care of me.
I've been away from my hometwon for 9 months and I've just returned. I noticed that while I was away he would call me more frequently than usual, even though we don't have much to say to each other. When I arrived back at the airport, he wanted to be there with my mother, another thing that I thought was very unusual from him.
He turned 63 a few days ago and when I called he invited me to spend a few days at his beach house. I asked why and he said he just wanted to spend some time with me. I said I would have to check my schedule and I would call him back later.
I mean, I hold no grudges towards him but does he think we're suddenly father and son? I was astonished when I told this to my mother and she defended him! She said I should accept his invitation because despite everything even he deserves a chance.
Go. What have you got to lose? When people hit a certain age, and it varies from person to person, they want to strengthen family ties. He did support you financially and well, it is a beach house for crying out loud. You might actually enjoy it
Sometimes people don't realize the crappy mistakes they've made until they reach a certain age and mortality is staring them in the face. You don't have to suddenly have a close father-son relationship, but it wouldn't hurt to go and give it a try.
Is there any chance your father might have an illness that he is dealing with?
I met my biological father when I was 15 and it was an unmitigated disaster. I know life isn't how it's shown in movies with happy endings all around. But since you say you hold no grudges against your father, I think I would give him a chance, if I were you. It may turn out better than you anticipate. Or you might just go back to living your life as you did before. I do hope it goes well, though, and you have a nice time with your father.
It could be possible he regrets not being a part of your life. If you don't feel comfortable going to the beach house maybe go out to dinner and/or go to a sporting event together.
Go. What have you got to lose? When people hit a certain age, and it varies from person to person, they want to strengthen family ties. He did support you financially and well, it is a beach house for crying out loud. You might actually enjoy it
The house is incredible, that's for sure. Thank you for your reply.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,718,665 times
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I think he at least gave the appearance of being a caring father. I think you should at least attempt to be a caring son. If the relationship is artificial, so be it.
I didn't have the same situation as you have but my father really didn't know how to say 'I love you' till I taught him that (through example) when he was almost 80. That is when I really started to get to know him. If it feels awkward with your father, please don't let that stop you from doing your best to make things more comfortable.
And, yes, I too would advise you to go if you can. There are probably all sorts of things you don't know about why he was a semi-absent father when you were young .. maybe over time you will find out what those things were and may feel differently about him. At any rate, give it a chance.
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