My father suddenly wants to have a closer relationship?

[picklejuice]

Considering the circumstances of your birth, it sounds to me like you lucked out. You were loved, provided for, etc. Perfection is never possible, so why demand it? I know. I know. Like most of us humans, you want it all.

Your dad cared enough to provide for you by keeping a good job, and keeping in touch. Now he wants to be closer probably because he is retired now (?) and can afford that luxury since you are all grown up and require zero maintenance.

In a world where most kids born into your situation are cared for financially by the government, you should thank your lucky stars. It is apparent you weren't birthed to a shiftless pair. Count your blessings, take your dad up on getting closer, and consider yourself very lucky.

[Pitt Chick]

Originally Posted by picklejuice

Considering the circumstances of your birth, it sounds to me like you lucked out. You were loved, provided for, etc. Perfection is never possible, so why demand it? I know. I know. Like most of us humans, you want it all.

Your dad cared enough to provide for you by keeping a good job, and keeping in touch. Now he wants to be closer probably because he retired now (?) and can afford that luxury since you are a grown up and require zero maintenance.

In a world where most kids in your situation are cared for financially by the government, you should thank your lucky stars. It is apparent you weren't birthed to a shiftless pair. Count your blessings, take your dad up on getting closer, and consider yourself very lucky.

Very nicely said!

[dmills]

[QUOTE=Pitt Chick;45259317]He did more than that.... over and over throughout the OP's life.
Try re-reading the first post again.[/quote]

I agree 100%. OP is upset (I never said he was angry, although I suspect there is some underlying anger driving his post) because his dad does not measure up to some mythical idea he has in his head of what a father should be. Well, welcome to the real world. Very few of our parents do, because in many cases we have idealized the role, and no one knowsthe script but us - besides the fact that parents (like everyone else - OP included) are fallible human beings.

This dad is to be commended for continuing to try to connect (in his own way) when it would have been much easier to go his own way op's willingness to take his money for college, but spurn his attempts (even if they are a little awkward) at connection is in my opinion unconscionable. No, your dad doesn't suddenly want to have a closer relationship. He's wanted one all along, or he wouldn't still be trying (as he has throughout OP's life - just not the way OP wanted). The nerve of him to want to try to call, Otto see you off at the airport. Way to treat him like a sperm donor!

[mainebrokerman]

Originally Posted by Robino1

I don't read any anger in the OP's post. I keep re-reading it and I just don't see it. I only see confusion as to why the father wants to try at this point in time.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

why??

perhaps its because she is more of an adult and it would not be intruding on the mother at all


how many distant fathers were "Disney dads" to kids..
and the mom who had to do the million of parental details and the hard stuff.... and then get disrespected??? while the dad...at a distance is being honored???



again....I think dad stayed at a distance out of respect for your mother

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by ShakesBeer

I'm 25 and I was the result of an accidental pregnancy. My parents never really had a serious relationship, only a short lived fling.

I've always lived with my mother and she has been amazing as a mum. She gave up on her entire personal life to take care me. She worked and raised me brilliantly and despite the circumstances of my birth, she only had love to give. She's truly the best woman I know.

My father is a very different story. I was always an afterthought in his life. He always helped financially, quite generously actually. He helped pay for a number of things, including college. I give him that and I'll always be in debt with him for that.

But he was never meant to have a kid. He visited me regularly with big gaps in between when he travelled due to his job. I don't remember a single gesture of affection for him or true dedication on his part. Whenever I spent time with him, he would have a nanny to take care of me.

I've been away from my hometwon for 9 months and I've just returned. I noticed that while I was away he would call me more frequently than usual, even though we don't have much to say to each other. When I arrived back at the airport, he wanted to be there with my mother, another thing that I thought was very unusual from him.

He turned 63 a few days ago and when I called he invited me to spend a few days at his beach house. I asked why and he said he just wanted to spend some time with me. I said I would have to check my schedule and I would call him back later.

I mean, I hold no grudges towards him but does he think we're suddenly father and son? I was astonished when I told this to my mother and she defended him! She said I should accept his invitation because despite everything even he deserves a chance.

What should I do?

My guess: he's seeking a closer relationship now, because you're out of your mom's home, you're an adult now, and he sees a natural transition there. He may feel that you're independent of your mom's influence, you're your own person now, and there's an opportunity to bond. For you, it may seem like it's too late. For him, it may seem like a natural opportunity. Who knows, he may have been waiting for you to turn 18 and get out on your own. Or conversely, he may want to take the opportunity to make up for lost time. If you have no ill will toward him, why not give it a shot? Find out what kind of a person he is. It might turn out to be a good thing.