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I certainly wouldn't assume someone who is mentally challenged is harmless. I also don't assume anyone is harmless. The world is full of loons! Unfortunately, they don't wear a sign that announces to the world that they are out of this world.
No...she can't assume...all she knows (apparently) is that he's a minor...and because she can't assume, she needs to speak to the parents. ETA: Oh, I see she said "adult" son. Not sure what to make of this but I would definitely speak to the parents first (I know I already said that a hundred times, LOL...sorry) and do it sooner, not later, and see how they are about it. Anything could be going on here. We are really all just going off a few words on a post. Is he autistic? Intellectually delayed? Neither, and a creeper? Not a creeper and the neighbors are exaggerating? Who the hell knows?
Do you think this calls for a restraining order? Or me sending someone over to talk to his parents about it and let them know if this continues, I will be getting a restraining order against their son? What should I do? I don't want to make this into a bigger deal than it needs to be, but honestly who knows what else this guy knows about me or how close he's watching me, and it could be dangerous so I'm being cautious.Thank you!
First thing I'd do would be to find out his name, then check public records to see whether he has any kind of rap sheet or other history. Parents as well.
Ehh, I don't know about that. This guy who just moved in knows an awful lot about her for someone who's never even spoken to her before. And he's going around her by asking others about her, as well as apparently watching her movements, and not approaching her. It's definitely unnerving, at the least. While it's premature now to go to the police at this time, it's definitely not a bad idea to be cautious and aware of him and what he knows.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlow
All of that behavior is consistent with someone being on the autism spectrum--focusing on her and not realizing that asking neighbors about her is weird and inappropriate. It seems like someone who meant the OP harm would be a little more sneaky.
I don't blame the OP for being creeped out. But her first step should definitely be taking someone with her and talking to the parents.
Marlow nailed it.
Not long ago some jerk in the building across from mine would shine a high-powered flashlight onto my building late at night, between midnight and 4:00 a.m. Although my blinds were closed, the light was bright enough that I thought it was a police helicopter scanning the area for an escaped convict. It woke me up twice. One night I caught the guy in action and took pictures of it. I spoke to the police about this and, after explaining the bizarre world of flashlight geeks to me, the police officer said that a true creep/peeping tom/pervert would not be so brazen, that he'd have high-powered gear set back in his apartment and watch from the shadows, unseen and unknown.
Believe me, I know what it's like to be harassed and stalked. The OP is not being either harassed or stalked. If she goes to the police about this, the first thing they are going to ask her is if she has had contact with the guy. When she says no, they will explain to her what she should do next.
No one on this thread knows the actual motivations of this guy's behavior. No one can say that this will not escalate, or if he truly has developed some sort of obsessive interest in her. And even if he is mentally challenged in some way, that does not preclude him from engaging in criminal acts (not saying he has yet). Stalkers can develop a fixation on someone with only the most minimal of initial contact.
I would start documenting everything that you've been told, date, time, who said it, etc. Make sure you have proper locks on your doors/windows. Be cognizant when you are out.
If you can get his name and address, it might be worth going down to the closest police office and just going in and saying that you don't think this is at the level of needing a restraining order, but that you are concerned and your neighbors are as well. At the very least, this will establish the beginning of a paper trail, and if this guy has already been on the police's radar for any reason, then it will be good for them to know about this. At the very least they will tell you they can't do anything, but maybe he has a history of this sort of thing, and they might be concerned to hear about this.
That was my first thought. It just really sux that you're in this situation. Your home is sacred and you should feel safe and at peace there.
I took a self defense course that taught us to be aware of your body language. Walk boldly and self-assuredly. Don't act afraid. Be loud when he approaches you. I'd be darned sure my closest neighbors heard me tell him to stay out of my yard! I might even say "Are your parents home?! Let's go have a little chat with them!" I'd be such an aggressive assertive biotch that guy wouldn't want any part of me!
[i]Stalking is defined as when someone does any of the following without your permission for the purpose of “harassing or intimidating” you:
follows you;
places you under surveillance; or
contacts you (in person, by phone, email, computer or other electronic device, etc.).*
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I would contact the police to engage the parents, let them do the investigating. Much of what you've posted comes from third parties who need to be willing to relate what they know to police. Yes it is stalking and should be able to obtain a restraining order. Take precautions and stay safe.
You should contact your homeowners association to see if anyone else had the same happen to them.
If he continues to enter the courtyard that is also the homeowners association responsibility. If you were one of my people I would visit the parents with several of my board members and let them know this situation is stopping now! Depending on their reaction I may or may not call the association attorney. If he is told to stay away from you what is to stop him from doing the same to one of your neighbors?
If the description of your neighbors is accurate, and the parents put him in the back house alone, I wouldn't expect much help from them.
I am living in Atlanta, GA. I live in a condo building with a shared gated yard. Some new neighbors just moved to the house next door, and their adult son is living in the carriage house out back. One of my neighbors alerted me that the son has been asking people in my building about me. He knows my dog's name, he knows what time I leave for work in the morning, what time I get home, he described an outfit I was wearing, and he noted that I was "out of town last weekend" (I was). He's been told to leave our gated courtyard by at least one of my neighbors in my building, telling him it was private property and he needed to leave (the courtyard isn't locked). They said it seems like his social "norms" are warped and he must have some mental disability/disorder of some sort.
This guy MAY be harmless but I'm also being overly cautious because I don't know the guy, his history, or intentions and it's just creepy to know someone is watching you that closely and you've never even seen him before.
Do you think this calls for a restraining order? Or me sending someone over to talk to his parents about it and let them know if this continues, I will be getting a restraining order against their son? What should I do? I don't want to make this into a bigger deal than it needs to be, but honestly who knows what else this guy knows about me or how close he's watching me, and it could be dangerous so I'm being cautious.
Thank you!
Remain vigilant and report it to the police and let them handle it just to be safe. The guy might already be in their sights. Also inform your condo manager.
My plan is to do the following, based on advice I've received here and from one of my neighbors:
1) Inform my neighbors who don't already know what is going on. I'll tell them I'm really not sure if this is something to worry about or not yet, but that I'm concerned and would appreciate it if they can inform me if he's on our property again or talks about me to them or does any other weird behavior that they witness.
2) Change up my routine a little so I'm not so predictable, since he seems to know my patterns. Leave for work at different times, don't walk my dog from home every morning and night (drive away and walk him elsewhere), if I go out of town on a weekend in the near future, see if a friend can give me a ride to the airport instead of me driving myself and leaving my parking space vacant all weekend (so he doesn't know I'm away from home).
3) I have a neighbor who is a psychologist who told me she wouldn't mind speaking to his parents on my behalf. I may ask her to do this for me if this continues.
Have you consider asking him out to coffee, lunch, or diner and get to know him?
This is exactly why you don't come to the internet for information
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