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Meetups, volunteering, yoga or chi gong or meditation classes, Unitarian Universalist churches (which tend to be more social justice-oriented rather than "churchy"), hiking groups or other outdoor recreation groups, travel seminars, etc. Look in your local newspaper's activities calendar, and see what looks like activities that would appeal to your target demographic. You could also consider organizing your own meetup for single women in a certain age-range for friendship and fun. Book clubs, bookstores that organize lectures and readings, etc.
Meetups, volunteering, yoga or chi gong or meditation classes, Unitarian Universalist churches (which tend to be more social justice-oriented rather than "churchy"), hiking groups or other outdoor recreation groups, travel seminars, etc. Look in your local newspaper's activities calendar, and see what looks like activities that would appeal to your target demographic. You could also consider organizing your own meetup for single women in a certain age-range for friendship and fun. Book clubs, bookstores that organize lectures and readings, etc.
Thank you. You must be new-ish to NYC. There are a lot of women like you out there, I'm sure, who'd like an opp'ty to connect. Also, I agree with one of the posters who said you should be open to other ages. There can be some very bright and personable women in the 20's and 30's range. It's really more about the quality of the conversation than the actual age, isn't it? You never know how/where you'll find a kindred spirit and make a friend. I met an interesting, pleasant, very bright guy half my age when looking for a computer-skills tutor. He had a gf, so there was no issue about anything romantic. We had great conversations, and occasionally met at a cool new teahouse that opened in town. You just never know. You could make a serendipitous connection with an older woman retired from some kind of fascinating career, and hit it off.
There are all kinds of people out there. The trick is to find the gems. Of course a certain amount of weeding and sifting will be necessary, as I gather you discovered (I missed that part of your post), which is only natural. Good luck!
What makes you assume by my one post that I'm "not nice" or "intolerant"? I was being truthful. The people around me in my nabe are not the kind of people whose company I enjoy. I listed why that was for me.
The facts I mentioned about the people means I spent time around them; I gave them a chance without initially judging. My impressions came after I spent some time socializing with them. Maybe the 40s single mothers around you are cool, or parents are cool. The people around me are what I stated.
As far as rigorous standards, I don't think exercise is rigorous. IF you want to feel good, look good in middle age, that's what you do. You don't have to lift weights or run marathons to be healthy. But you have to do something.
Well, your OP was dripping with red from being edited by a Mod so apparently someone felt that there was a lot of rudeness in your OP, I didn't see it before it was edited.
I'm sure that you can pull up meetup.com and search your area for stuff, I gave it a look over one time and there are lots and lots of things and events centered around whatever subject you can think of, wine tasting, to yoga to marathons, etc etc.
I totally agree it is challenging as women get older. Lots of women devote their entire beings to getting/keeping a man and they will give up anything, including their friends, to spend as much time as humanly possible with the man. That can be frustrating.
It might be easy to meet other women, but you have to sift through the ones who seem okay but end up having issues that become non-negotiable. Things like narcissism, substance abuse, bitter, exceptionally cheap, no flexibility, jealous/resentful. Yes, everyone has their own issues, but a real friendship can't be sustained if these issues make being with the person more a burden than a pleasure.
I agree with the advice to focus on activities you enjoy and meet potential friends that way. If you love to exercise then having a few exercise buddies is a nice start. Then have some coffee after an exercise session. Or buddies who like to try different kinds of cuisines and have a lunch or dinner or even take a cooking class. You have to have something in common and it should be more than "I'm single, you're single, we're both alone in this big bad city." That's nice but is it sustainable?
I totally agree it is challenging as women get older. Lots of women devote their entire beings to getting/keeping a man and they will give up anything, including their friends, to spend as much time as humanly possible with the man. That can be frustrating.
It might be easy to meet other women, but you have to sift through the ones who seem okay but end up having issues that become non-negotiable. Things like narcissism, substance abuse, bitter, exceptionally cheap, no flexibility, jealous/resentful. Yes, everyone has their own issues, but a real friendship can't be sustained if these issues make being with the person more a burden than a pleasure.
I agree with the advice to focus on activities you enjoy and meet potential friends that way. If you love to exercise then having a few exercise buddies is a nice start. Then have some coffee after an exercise session. Or buddies who like to try different kinds of cuisines and have a lunch or dinner or even take a cooking class. You have to have something in common and it should be more than "I'm single, you're single, we're both alone in this big bad city." That's nice but is it sustainable?
yes yes and yes to the bolded sections. I was extremely open minded in the beginning, seriously.
This is what I've encountered: Narcissism - only talking about self, own kids, own husband/boyfriend, own job -
-boozing - this is a big one here. Every other person in my demographic just drinks an drinks away.
- bitter about life, men, employment -
-cheap about spending money on activities/things
-jealous/resentful if guys flirt or chat with me or dance with me
-no flexibility about restaurants/places to go or new things to do.
- a few were borderline with the mood swings (no way past menopause or way to young so that's not the reason for the mood swings)
yes yes and yes to the bolded sections. I was extremely open minded in the beginning, seriously.
This is what I've encountered: Narcissism - only talking about self, own kids, own husband/boyfriend, own job -
-boozing - this is a big one here. Every other person in my demographic just drinks an drinks away.
- bitter about life, men, employment -
-cheap about spending money on activities/things
-jealous/resentful if guys flirt or chat with me or dance with me
-no flexibility about restaurants/places to go or new things to do.
- a few were borderline with the mood swings (no way past menopause or way to young so that's not the reason for the mood swings)
I don't know - should I just go and become a nun
hm... It sounds like you haven't found your niche. Most of my friends don't drink at all. IDK if that's more of a West Coast thing, or if you just haven't found the right crowd.
And I don't know what it is about American culture, but motormouth people/narcissists are everywhere. I don't encounter that in other countries, except in rare individuals who have suffered some kind of trauma.
Accept the fact that you'll be weeding through vast swaths of people over time, basically anonymous randoms, looking for the rare kindred spirit. Don't expect a connection every time you venture out. Understand that finding a kindred spirit is a rare and precious gem. You're going treasure hunting. If you enjoy yourself in the process, that's a plus. Focus on that, and when you do run into someone you click with, it will be a special bonus. It's a sea of humanity out there, OP, and you're looking for a few special people. Be patient. Stay positive. Best of luck to you!
Well on the upside, nuns are single, are taught to be nonjudgmental, their boyfriend is never badmouthed, they'll not compete with you or build simmering resentment only to unleash it at some strange point in time, they usually only drink on Sundays... sure go befriend some nuns. How bad could it be?
No I think the trick is to have activity-related friends so that you're not spending all your time with just one person. So: Suzy for running/swimming/yoga, Mary for movies, plays, Patsy for playing in the park, Terri for Tea & Sympathy... you get the idea. Certain people will be happiest doing certain activities so if you can have that in common it's a good start. Make a clear list of your favorite activities--the ones you do at least once a month without fail. Pick the top 3 activities. Join groups/clubs/meetups that focus on those specific activities. Be open to meeting whoever, with the only requirement that they are nice, sane, clean, near-ish your age or generation, and don't set off your hinky meter.
Well on the upside, nuns are single, are taught to be nonjudgmental, their boyfriend is never badmouthed, they'll not compete with you or build simmering resentment only to unleash it at some strange point in time, they usually only drink on Sundays... sure go befriend some nuns. How bad could it be?
No I think the trick is to have activity-related friends so that you're not spending all your time with just one person. So: Suzy for running/swimming/yoga, Mary for movies, plays, Patsy for playing in the park, Terri for Tea & Sympathy... you get the idea. Certain people will be happiest doing certain activities so if you can have that in common it's a good start. Make a clear list of your favorite activities--the ones you do at least once a month without fail. Pick the top 3 activities. Join groups/clubs/meetups that focus on those specific activities. Be open to meeting whoever, with the only requirement that they are nice, sane, clean, near-ish your age or generation, and don't set off your hinky meter.
that sounds good.
as far as nuns, I was being humorous. I have known a few very cool nuns in my time. If I met them again now, I know they wouldn't judge me on my childfree status. It's a calling and somebody like me clearly does not qualify for becoming a nun. If I ever befriend one or am befriended by one, I would learn quite a lot. But like you said, many of those secular women's issues/quirks probably would not exist with the nuns.
as far as nuns, I was being humorous. I have known a few very cool nuns in my time. If I met them again now, I know they wouldn't judge me on my childfree status. It's a calling and somebody like me clearly does not qualify for becoming a nun. If I ever befriend one or am befriended by one, I would learn quite a lot. But like you said, many of those secular women's issues/quirks probably would not exist with the nuns.
As was I (being humorous). Totally tongue in cheek.
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