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This seems to happen to me rather often. I work at a large company, but most of my immediate co-workers are women and we all get along, know what's going on in each others' lives, look out for each other, etc. But I've noticed a pattern that bugs me. If we are walking to/from a meeting or at lunch, etc. and I happen to be the one talking or telling them about something that has recently happened, and someone they know walks up or walks by, they immediately turn their attention to that person and forget that I was even talking. Even after the other person(s) pass by, they just keep on talking about whatever subject and it's like I was never even talking in the first place.
I know this happens to everyone, and it's happened to me when I've been talking with someone and someone I know passes by and we say "hi, how are you doing" etc., but then I always turn back to the person I was originally talking to and say something like "I apologize, please finish your story", or something along those lines.
I don't know if the other women I work with have short attention spans or what, but they NEVER go back to the conversation once they've been interrupted. It's like I wasn't even talking at all. They are nice women, and not mean or rude at all. Are they just that clueless??? Does this happen to any of you?
We also have a lady in our group....sweetest little petite lady ever, probably mid-50's. She always seem to derail the topic of conversation. If 2 other people are talking about buying a car (for example), she will pipe in about something that I guess she thinks is somehow related and go on & on & on about it, and it won't have anything to do with the topic that was being discussed. It's strange. It's like she has to be in the conversation no matter what, and she ends up hijacking the discussion.
This seems to happen to me rather often. I work at a large company, but most of my immediate co-workers are women and we all get along, know what's going on in each others' lives, look out for each other, etc. But I've noticed a pattern that bugs me. If we are walking to/from a meeting or at lunch, etc. and I happen to be the one talking or telling them about something that has recently happened, and someone they know walks up or walks by, they immediately turn their attention to that person and forget that I was even talking. Even after the other person(s) pass by, they just keep on talking about whatever subject and it's like I was never even talking in the first place.
I know this happens to everyone, and it's happened to me when I've been talking with someone and someone I know passes by and we say "hi, how are you doing" etc., but then I always turn back to the person I was originally talking to and say something like "I apologize, please finish your story", or something along those lines.
I don't know if the other women I work with have short attention spans or what, but they NEVER go back to the conversation once they've been interrupted. It's like I wasn't even talking at all. They are nice women, and not mean or rude at all. Are they just that clueless??? Does this happen to any of you?
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I tend to not get into lots of personal conversations at work, but there are a few people who do decide to talk to me about non-work stuff. Some do it way too much, so if they are yammering away, and someone else comes along and says Hi, I see it as a "rescue" from the person who is talking too much.
If this is happening to you once in a great while, then it might be just clueless or rude people. But if it's a "pattern" it might be you. You're getting messages that you are talking too much.
This happens most often IMO to someone who drones on endlessly and/or talks about the same thing over and over
Hate to say it but yeah...I agree. It's possible you're running on too long, OP, and they're just getting desperate for an "out."
I don't know that this is definitely it, OP, but I'm someone who believes that when we keep seeing a repeating pattern, we should look at ourselves to see whether we might have a hand in what we're experiencing as negative.
Actually, I probably talk the least of anyone in this group. Seriously. One lady has at least one story daily about something one of her kids did/said the night before or that morning. Usually more. I have 3 kids, and trust me, they do enough funny & crazy stuff I could have stories every day too, but I dont' want to bore people with it. Occasionally I do, but not every day. I don't share a lot, just a normal amount of stuff, I think. I've worked a number of different places and this is the only place I've encountered it to this degree. I'm also the "newest" member of the group. Some have worked together for quite a while. Maybe that has more to do with it. And it does tend to happen more when they see someone who used to work in this department, but is in another area of the company now. They're very nice & talkative to me when we're in our office area, but if we run into someone who used to work with them, they drop me like a hot potato. I guess because I'm still seen as the "newbie" even though I've been in this current position for 2 years now!
Actually, I probably talk the least of anyone in this group. Seriously. One lady has at least one story daily about something one of her kids did/said the night before or that morning. Usually more. I have 3 kids, and trust me, they do enough funny & crazy stuff I could have stories every day too, but I dont' want to bore people with it. Occasionally I do, but not every day. I don't share a lot, just a normal amount of stuff, I think. I've worked a number of different places and this is the only place I've encountered it to this degree. I'm also the "newest" member of the group. Some have worked together for quite a while. Maybe that has more to do with it. And it does tend to happen more when they see someone who used to work in this department, but is in another area of the company now. They're very nice & talkative to me when we're in our office area, but if we run into someone who used to work with them, they drop me like a hot potato. I guess because I'm still seen as the "newbie" even though I've been in this current position for 2 years now!
Oy, I'm cringing saying this.
Maybe you're just that person who doesn't exactly "fit in" with the group.
That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. Or wrong with them, for that matter. But if they just can't get "into" your part of the conversation, yet are gung-ho for others' not very exciting contributions, it could be a matter of either clicking, or not clicking with any given member of the group.
Yes, it's possible that knowing one another longer, some members of this group are more interested in what one another has to say v. what the newer person has to say...although that's a little odd too because isn't it usually the newer person who gets asked all the questions? She's the one nobody knows much about yet.
I don't know, it feels like this is a "not quite a match" sort of thing. I wouldn't take it to mean I COULDN'T be part of that group but I'd probably not invest my heart totally into being "in" the group, either.
The thing is, if it were just a question of bad manners, full stop, wouldn't they all be doing it to each other as well? But you say they aren't? Just you? Other than you, they let one another get into the conversation and they listen to each other? Not sure I'm understanding that, so correct me if I'm wrong.
Just some thoughts, could be right, could be way off-base.
ETA: I just wanted to add something here. It actually is bad manners, yes, to interrupt someone, look away and then not come back to the conversation. So technically...yes. BUT if people have had to have manners with someone they really don't want to talk to, and it's been sustained for some time, manners will indeed get a bit lax. I'm not saying that's right, but it does happen. And again, I'm NOT saying this is definitely the OP's situation, but if there is any accuracy at all then think of it this way: Haven't you ever known someone who always wanted to hang out, but you just weren't "feeling it"? I'll bet even if you WANTED to be mannerly and sit quietly and nod and listen, inwardly, you were resenting the situation a little. And over time, if the person kept coming around despite hints and so on, you started getting more and more clipped with the person. Correct? So although there technically isn't an excuse for bad manners, there definitely are situations where a person just loses patience over time and stops being so mannerly.
I am not trying to make the OP feel bad, just searching for possibilities. And OP, you could always just give this more time, see what happens in the coming weeks or months, but if you still really just don't feel part of things, personally, I'd be moving on to other friends/associates.
It could be them or it could be you, but I think they just don't care enough to listen to the rest of the story.
When I'm talking to someone, or telling a story and in mid conversation/story get interrupted by someone, when the interruption is over, I rarely start with my story again. I wait for them to ask for me to continue. If they don't, I take it as they weren't very interested to begin with and just go with the flow as to what comes up next in conversation.
What is important to you or me, may be the most boring subject to the other person.
Reminds me of some shirt tail friends of ours. We avoid them when they first get back from vacation because we know we'll hear non-stop stories of their trip and of course hundreds of more or less meaningless pictures that without the context of being with them on their trip, are boring and meaningless to us !
If you're talking to your work friends, and get interrupted, and they don't ask to continue the subject of conversation before the interruption, they weren't all that interested to begin with....move on with another subject.
This happens most often IMO to someone who drones on endlessly and/or talks about the same thing over and over
Yep. I have two people in my life like this: a coworker and a friend. My coworker is a young lady in her 20s who is a very sweet and friendly woman but good grief she sure loves the sound of her own voice! She works on the other side of the office from us and has fewer work responsibilities than my boss and I. So periodically during the day she comes our side and TALKS. About anything, everything, and anything and everything again. It's exhausting. And she doesn't interrupt her flow of words to take a breath or allow people to have a conversation with her. She can talk nonstop about herself for literally 1+ hour. When I have a work related question, I interrupt her monologue because otherwise I won't ever be able to discuss it. That is probably what is happening to you OP. It is important to heed other people's behaviors toward you as well as their words. I started a thread about this some time ago. Perhaps it can give you insight.
When I'm talking to someone, or telling a story and in mid conversation/story get interrupted by someone, when the interruption is over, I rarely start with my story again. I wait for them to ask for me to continue. If they don't, I take it as they weren't very interested to begin with and just go with the flow as to what comes up next in conversation.
What is important to you or me, may be the most boring subject to the other person.
Reminds me of some shirt tail friends of ours. We avoid them when they first get back from vacation because we know we'll hear non-stop stories of their trip and of course hundreds of more or less meaningless pictures that without the context of being with them on their trip, are boring and meaningless to us !
If you're talking to your work friends, and get interrupted, and they don't ask to continue the subject of conversation before the interruption, they weren't all that interested to begin with....move on with another subject.
You know, that's a good point. When someone else is talking and the convo is interrupted by someone or some thing, I rarely ask the person who was talking to finish their story unless it really, really interested me! So I guess I'm guilty of the same thing. We DO have one lady who, if interrupted by something, will say "as I was saying...." and continue on. I don't do that, unless it's something important that the rest of the group needs to know.
And no, I'm not the big talker. I participate in conversations, but I'm not the one who has a story to tell every single day.
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