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Sounds like you need to call CPS. Unlike others, I do not think that it is ok to let three kids run around outside naked.
The autism issues are very concerning, as autistic children are drawn to water, a very dangerous situation unless an adult is with them.
I think I'd certainly call CPS....But, in all honesty since he ran away and it was publicized I'd bet CPS or some agency has them on their radar already .
Easiest thing for you to do is just stay away. This is an accident waiting to happen and you've tried to tell her.
I wouldn't want to be around this situation, given what may happen if CPS does intervene. Why put yourself in the position to defend being there.
So, OP? You have plenty of backup now that what your friend is doing is beyond the pale, certainly is neglect, could result in a child's rape and possibly his death...are you going to call CPS, then?
I'm not sure why you won't back up your accusations with something that would support the concern you state you have: a real fear for these children, and an anonymous call to the authorities.
What's holding you back? You even outright state that this woman isn't "really" your friend, so that can't be it.
I am no whistle-blower, I'm a parent myself (including of an autistic child, and one not DXd but with autistic tendencies per his physicians) and I know how bad things can look at times even under the best of circumstances. I am horrified at the thought of a family being torn apart in the case of an accusation that turns out to be untrue but even given all that, if I literally thought three children were going to be raped in their own yard and that one of them was going to escape nude into the neighborhood to drown in someone's pool, I'd be making a call, not gathering followers on an internet forum to tell me how right I am and how wrong that bad bad bad mother is. (Because what the hell good does that latter do?)
Let us know when you've made the call in order to protect these children who are in serious danger.
ETA: Also, the story about the pool and the news report is unclear. Are you saying the police DIDN'T refer the case to the authorities, even though it was confirmed...indeed, publicized? What happened there, if I may ask? I thought it was a legal requirement for police to immediately refer any case of even suspected child neglect/abuse to child services. Did the police get in trouble for not doing that?
Naked 11 year old running around the neighborhood? This is cause for concern, for all of the reasons previously mentioned. That child needs to be protected.
While I sense that you do not want to contact the authorities, there might be a low stress, low embarrassment way to get the point across through the following: HOA, Community Police Liaison, her church, temple or synagogue, etc.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat
Aren't they 4 and 5? They aren't toddlers. I agree the 11 year old is a bigger issue.
I agree that a preschooler and a kindergarten age child (or a Junior Kindergarten student & a Senior Kindergarten student, in my area almost all 4 year olds are in kindergarten) are hardly "toddlers".
Last edited by germaine2626; 08-18-2016 at 07:13 PM..
when they're naked you're just giving the sicko an extra opportunity. You might as well hold up a sign saying "I'm naked..go ahead and enjoy"...
...Says the person who hasn't yet distanced themselves from the situation.
I mean, I'm not suggesting you're enjoying it, but come on, you have to admit that it's a little bit strange to adopt someone's private non-issue as your cause.
Sounds like you need to call CPS. Unlike others, I do not think that it is ok to let three kids run around outside naked.
The autism issues are very concerning, as autistic children are drawn to water, a very dangerous situation unless an adult is with them.
I think I'd certainly call CPS....But, in all honesty since he ran away and it was publicized I'd bet CPS or some agency has them on their radar already .
Easiest thing for you to do is just stay away. This is an accident waiting to happen and you've tried to tell her.
I wouldn't want to be around this situation, given what may happen if CPS does intervene. Why put yourself in the position to defend being there.
How did you become friends?
If the mom is watching them what harm is it gonna do except offend people who obviously have body image issues. Shaming kids for having no clothes on is just gonna teach them to hate their bodies do we not have enough people with self image problems?
What the 11 year old is doing is called Autistic Elopement.
It is the #1 cause of death for children with Autism as they are drawn to water which is exactly what this child did.
OP, your friend needs to know this NOW. My son is 12 & is profoundly Autistic. He does not go outside without me...period.
I have double-keyed entry doors, alarmed windows, a service dog (who has actually thwarted 2 of his elopement attempts), I sleep in his room & he wears a GPS tracker 24/7 just in case he manages to get past all that!
And I worry sometimes that I'm not doing enough. It's very scary to me, OP, that your friends child already has a history of this.
I helped by nicely pointing it out to her several times once I'm there. She lived in an apartment before moving to his house. They were naked there all the time. WEll, now they're naked in the yard in front of others. Bringing over a casserole is a bit too much. Why should I offer to watch the kids? I'm not a free babysitter. I've given her more than enough advice on how to deal with autistic kids over and over. I'm not a social worker, a free babysitter. He gets services, and she knows what's out there for autistic kids. We've known each other for many, many years but I'm not that close to her or she to me, that I should bring a casserole to her house. I'm actually childfree and she's the only "acquaintance" that has children. None of the others I have do. I'm nice to her kids and play with them while I visit. I can only enjoy her children on a limited basis. But casseroles, free babysitting or even paid, that's way more than I want to be involved. I'm not calling anybody, and I'm not going to fight over this with her. I"ll decline visits, that's all. I'm tired of it. It's not the first time they're naked in front of me. Probably in front of other visitors to the house.
But it's funny...casserole and babysitting...that's just not me. Frankly I"ve got way better things to do with my time...and money.
I read this thread until I came to this post.
You make it very clear how you REALLY feel about this woman...you are not her friend. You do not want to help her, or her children. Also, you are obviously not interested in any of the advice, (much of it very good), that posters have taken the time to give you.
I agree that a preschooler and a kindergarten age child (or a Junior Kindergarten student & a Senior Kindergarten student, in my area almost all 4 year olds are in kindergarten) are hardly "toddlers".
I stand corrected! Round up the whole naughty bunch, and throw some clothes on them!
Well it would be weird if an 11 year old hung out in his undies with guests too. Im just saying different families have different standards. My and my husband's parents would never have let us leave the house in PJs (my daughter in on a clothes strike this summer and is almost only wearing PJs) or sit in the house in our underwear at any time in our lives.
But I stick with it, it sounds like she is overwhelmed. Unless there was more to it, I wouldn't call CPS on her. Or the police. I would hope if I saw someone obviously struggling with so much on her hands, I would want to help. But if not, I would just stay away.
Things are very loose about bedroom attire these days, especially with Millennials (sorry, kids). We have seen numerous young people out and about in pajama bottoms, and we saw one fellow who was walking his dog in a bathrobe, not in a cul de sac, but outside of an apartment complex in the late morning (must have had a rough night). I thought that it was a woman in a dress when I glanced causally at him, but hubby quickly identified him as a man in a bathrobe.
So, OP? You have plenty of backup now that what your friend is doing is beyond the pale, certainly is neglect, could result in a child's rape and possibly his death...are you going to call CPS, then?
I'm not sure why you won't back up your accusations with something that would support the concern you state you have: a real fear for these children, and an anonymous call to the authorities.
What's holding you back? You even outright state that this woman isn't "really" your friend, so that can't be it.
I am no whistle-blower, I'm a parent myself (including of an autistic child, and one not DXd but with autistic tendencies per his physicians) and I know how bad things can look at times even under the best of circumstances. I am horrified at the thought of a family being torn apart in the case of an accusation that turns out to be untrue but even given all that, if I literally thought three children were going to be raped in their own yard and that one of them was going to escape nude into the neighborhood to drown in someone's pool, I'd be making a call, not gathering followers on an internet forum to tell me how right I am and how wrong that bad bad bad mother is. (Because what the hell good does that latter do?)
Let us know when you've made the call in order to protect these children who are in serious danger.
ETA: Also, the story about the pool and the news report is unclear. Are you saying the police DIDN'T refer the case to the authorities, even though it was confirmed...indeed, publicized? What happened there, if I may ask? I thought it was a legal requirement for police to immediately refer any case of even suspected child neglect/abuse to child services. Did the police get in trouble for not doing that?
There is another possibility. CPS was already called based on the pool incident, which is very likely. Even if findings are verified, it's not like they're going to just yank the children out of there. They'll probably see what other services they can put in place to help keep the children in the home. Investigations may take a couple of months depending on the state. The OP would have no reason to know about the investigation because most CPS investigations are completely confidential and the results cannot be released to the public.
We know that the child receives Medicaid, which probably provides some sort of behavior analysis that should be able to assist with the nudity/elopement. However, that is not an instant fix. The analyst will have to develop a plan and work with the parent to implement it in the home. It's not like the OP is going to go home and suddenly the children are all going to be fine. Whether the mom tried to get the children to dress prior to the visit is hard to tell because the OP wasn't there.
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Frankly I"ve got way better things to do with my time...and money.
