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One of my earliest memories was looking around the first day of pre-school with a feeling like "You have GOT to be kidding me."
Kinda like I was supposed to "land" somewhere else but something went wrong & I had a crash-landing on Earth.
I actually really enjoy my interactions with some of the posters here on C-D. Right now it's literally the only adult interaction I have with somebody I don't share DNA with (or the grouchy old man I promised myself to for better or worse).
It's fine for right now & maybe if I get the chance someday to do more I won't feel so glaringly awkward.
I know what you mean. I've always felt like I'm on a different wavelength to most people. I'm not close with my family either. School was hell for me all the way through. The most I've ever had is maybe 2-3 friends. I find it difficult to find friendship and love.
This forum is cool if you can just ignore certain people who come here to pick fights. I find it a good place for discussion about anything and it's a great place to bounce ideas off people who aren't connected to you in any way and will give a neutral opinion. This site and my blog are the only adult interactions I have as I feel like I'm living with 2 teenagers still.
I wonder if you're like me and inclined to place some of the blame on geography; WNY can be a lonely region with its long winters and selectively friendly people. I'm 30, lifelong resident of the city 60ish miles to your west, and most everyone I've ever considered either a friend or 'valued acquaintance' has either moved away or is on the cusp of doing so. The people who are most (or more, anyway) likely to remain are people I'm more likely to...not get along with. Like you, I've had anxiety and depression issues; otherwise, I myself would likely have evacuated Buffalo[ne?] by now. I used to habitually go to bars alone and would make plenty of temporary friendships that way, but between the proliferation of smartphones (I don't own one and have never wanted one, for what it's worth) and my own increased antisociality, I don't really do this much anymore
To answer your question...I'd probably rather have the friend with nothing in common, assuming that person is capable of recognizing the mutual benefit we derive from just 'being there'. In fact, I think I've had a couple friendships like this. Implicit/ de facto loneliness support groups with exactly two members.
Is Buffalo any better? I haven't lived here in Rochester that long. I find it neither friendly nor unfriendly. People tend to mind their own business and customer service is polite. I don't know the city well enough to know how to really make friends with people my own age. In the area I live people are either really young (U of R students for example) or in the older demographic. I know the logical thing would be to join a group of some kind. I love the outdoors and there's plenty of amazing scenery not too far away. But right now it's tough without a car.
I'm trying to get along with my roommates/half friends. But I honestly think I'd rather be alone. They make me feel old above all else . But I don't think our issues aren't necessarily geographical. It's just millennial culture.
I have had friends that I have little to nothing in common with and it may be better than nothing for a short while but after a year or so it palls fast and I am better off without them. I would rather get no calls or
invitations than get calls to do things or go places I would never ever do, like folk dancing. I hate so called friends asking me to go places they know I have no interest in. They selfishly expect you to do what they like.
I say if you cannot relate to them, go your separate ways, same with girls. You will look back and be glad YOU DID.
I have acquaintances of every age and background I don't distinguish much except in one area and that would be moral behavior.
I have a few what I call friends , people that are reliable and rely on me.
I have acquaintances that are rocket scientists, and those the have been homeless for decades. culture and back ground are irrelevant, we learn a lot from one another, even the uneducated homeless.
One of the things that Ive enjoyed in life IS meeting people all over the country.
Is Buffalo any better? I haven't lived here in Rochester that long. I find it neither friendly nor unfriendly. People tend to mind their own business and customer service is polite. I don't know the city well enough to know how to really make friends with people my own age. In the area I live people are either really young (U of R students for example) or in the older demographic. I know the logical thing would be to join a group of some kind. I love the outdoors and there's plenty of amazing scenery not too far away. But right now it's tough without a car.
I'm trying to get along with my roommates/half friends. But I honestly think I'd rather be alone. They make me feel old above all else . But I don't think our issues aren't necessarily geographical. It's just millennial culture.
Yeah, although one of my, uh, actual friends from high school attended RIT (which isn't even in city limits), I don't know much about Rochester, really, so it's hard for me to make any comparisons. Buffalo has a reputation for friendliness and 'neighborliness', but as the highest-crime city in the state (not that Rochester is far behind), you might draw your own conclusions about whether that's myth or fact. The part of the city that is perhaps traditionally most deserving of being thought of as friendly/neighborly is also the part that's decayed the most over the past 30 years. 'Neither friendly nor unfriendly' is probably a pretty fair description of day-to-day experience here, though....
Yeah, although one of my, uh, actual friends from high school attended RIT (which isn't even in city limits), I don't know much about Rochester, really, so it's hard for me to make any comparisons. Buffalo has a reputation for friendliness and 'neighborliness', but as the highest-crime city in the state (not that Rochester is far behind), you might draw your own conclusions about whether that's myth or fact. The part of the city that is perhaps traditionally most deserving of being thought of as friendly/neighborly is also the part that's decayed the most over the past 30 years. 'Neither friendly nor unfriendly' is probably a pretty fair description of day-to-day experience here, though....
From what I know of Rochester so far, east of the river and east of downtown is generally safe. Very diverse, lots of cafes with outdoor seating and a large LGBT population (judging by the number of pride flags I see). But the west side of the city around Lyell Avenue is crap. I wouldn't say it was dangerous, but I wouldn't want to be walking around there. Downtown is rough in places, especially around where the transit center is. Lots of people just loitering and sometimes looking for trouble. Friendliness wise, I give it 6 out of 10. It feels like a small town sometimes and I'm sure it's not the easiest of places to make friends. If I were a student at RIT or UofR it might be easier. There's a huge deaf community too, which is cool.
From what I know of Rochester so far, east of the river and east of downtown is generally safe. Very diverse, lots of cafes with outdoor seating and a large LGBT population (judging by the number of pride flags I see). But the west side of the city around Lyell Avenue is crap. I wouldn't say it was dangerous, but I wouldn't want to be walking around there. Downtown is rough in places, especially around where the transit center is. Lots of people just loitering and sometimes looking for trouble. Friendliness wise, I give it 6 out of 10. It feels like a small town sometimes and I'm sure it's not the easiest of places to make friends. If I were a student at RIT or UofR it might be easier. There's a huge deaf community too, which is cool.
(Sorry I realize we are straying off topic).
West side of the city is what I'm most familiar with, because on many occasions over the years I've taken random drives down Rte. 33...which becomes 33A (I can vouch from experience that this transition can escape notice for several trips)...and once I get through the inner-ring suburb of Chili, I head through the west side into downtown, turn around, get a coffee somewhere, and drive back. This sort of thing is what passes for a hobby of mine
then they were really just "acquaintances" not really your friends , just people you associated with in a casual way, maybe you worked with them for years or grew up in the same neighborhood, but they were just acquaintances.
I would agree with you, as I am not the type of person who calls just anyone my friend. But these were my friends. We were friends before and throughout high school, people I saw everyday that I hung out with outside of school. Not best friends, but friends indeed. An acquaintance would not be someone I would hang out with or speak to often.
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. But I don't think our issues aren't necessarily geographical. It's just millennial culture.
