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If this was long ago and a stupid, non-coercive mistake with, say, a 16- or 17-year-old, then I'd let it go. If the child was much younger, I'd be violently inclined and throw both of them out of my life for their own safety.
What a stupid thing for your "friend" to tell people about. I'd probably drop her for being so dumb.
It was so severe that he got a 25 year probation and now a lie detector test.
I don't disagree with you, but I think if the OP was of a mind to have The Talk, they would already have done it.
I'm sensing a "intending to skulk away and looking for our validation" theme.
Tbh, depends on the nature of the friendship too, sounds like the friend is already defending him, so it's him or me is not far away, methinks.
OP does state in the other thread that they have children, that's not going to ever be comfortable
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve
yes but in this case I would not just drift apart. I would have a very strong conversation because things need to be said.
It sounds like you have misgivings about the situation, and for good reason. I think it would be more true to yourself, and more helpful to your friend (though she wouldn't be able to appreciate it at this stage), to tell her you can't support this, and that you're concerned for her future happiness in the relationship. It seems she's been working so hard to justify and make excuses for this guy, that someone providing a reality check could, at some point, give her pause. Even if she gets offended at the moment of the conversation, later on it might provide her some food for thought. Especially if the relationship starts to get rocky. One can't help but wonder what other character flaws he has swept under the rug, only for her to trip over later.
I think you hit this right on the nail.
Thanks to so many of you- I think I was looking for validation of what I already knew I should do. Being 'more true to myself' is great advice. I can't support this situation.
This doesn't sound like some 18/16 year old statutory rape or peeing within 100 ft of a school. This sounds bad.
And she allowed him to be alone with a minor?
I would sit her down, read her the riot act (abetting a crime against a child?!!), and tell her we were no longer friends.
You can stipulate the friendship can resume if/when she leaves him. But it doesn't sound like a situation where I could be friends again.
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