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Well, I literally just called her and had the 'talk'. I do feel relieved to have listened to my inner voice (and the majority of posters here.)
I told her, among other things, I cannot support someone who supports a child molester. I mentioned the way she downplayed it and how that is exactly what child molesters look for in a person, how I don't think they ever 'reform', and she should not have allowed him to be alone with a child, especially since she had agreed to 'watch over him and make sure he was not alone with children in social gatherings' (which is what she had told me). - I don't know exactly who she agreed this with, if it was his counselor or probation officer, it was kind of murky.
How did you find out and what did he do? Do you know if the charges are true?
If so and you know that he has been in contact with a minor child (if his original offense involved a minor child) is there anyway you can inform the police? If he was given such a long probation and has to take lie detector test, he is probably in violation of his parole.
You need to have one more serious talk with your friend before you move. Tell her that most child molesters do not change (if ever) without a lot of help. It would be one thing if it was just her but if she is allowing him to have access to a young child, she is in the wrong. It becomes a question of when and not if he will attempt to molest this child.
She provided cover for him to gain access to a child? There is nothing else you can say to her; she has shown where her loyalties lie. I'd find out how to get in touch with his parole officer and let him/her know what's up. This guy has not retired from his career as a molester. He has acquired an accomplice.
This doesn't sound like some 18/16 year old statutory rape or peeing within 100 ft of a school. This sounds bad.
And she allowed him to be alone with a minor?
I would sit her down, read her the riot act (abetting a crime against a child?!!), and tell her we were no longer friends.
You can stipulate the friendship can resume if/when she leaves him. But it doesn't sound like a situation where I could be friends again.
If she is not careful she might be charged as an accessory in the future. Knowingly allowing this man access to a child, also allowing him to walk around a place like a farm, often isolated and a distance from the home....
ETA She should be charged.
Sit and think who this child is? Who did she deceive to be able to allow this man to do this? It is not looking pretty regarding your friend. Honestly, It looks very worrisome.
Did this fessing up involve his probation officer? Or simply your friend or yourself?
She told you about his lie detector test? Why is she confiding in you?
She provided cover for him to gain access to a child? There is nothing else you can say to her; she has shown where her loyalties lie. I'd find out how to get in touch with his parole officer and let him/her know what's up. This guy has not retired from his career as a molester. He has acquired an accomplice.
she used phrases like 'all he did was...' and 'it went no further than that....' as if she were downplaying it.
I wouldn't have let her go any further than that. I'd say, "Are you serious right now? You are making excuses for a sick POS like that? Get away from me." Walk away and never have contact again.
IMO child molesters, pedophiles, rapists, etc., should be hung by their genitals and hit with a baseball bat (preferably by the victim or the victim's family) until dead.
That the OP is even questioning whether to stay friends with this person says the problem won't be solved; they will likely have more questionable friends in the future.
...just last week he failed his lie detector test (he is on 25 year probation) and consequently admitted he was alone with a young child out of sight. My friend knew about it but allowed it. Now, supposedly nothing happened, they were just walking around the farm looking at animals.
"Just looking at animals."
Sure. More bovine excrement there than the PBRC.
This 'friend' is either an accomplice or some combination of exceptionally naive/stupid.
I just found out that my friends SO was a child molester, supposedly reformed. My friend knew this when she met him and chose to continue with the relationship. I'm not sure how I feel about this. On one hand, I find this creepy and wrong. On the other, I feel I should be supportive to my friend. The thing that gets me the most is that when she told me what he had done, she used phrases like 'all he did was...' and 'it went no further than that....' as if she were downplaying it. In a way I think that mindset makes you a part of it. And just last week he failed his lie detector test (he is on 25 year probation) and consequently admitted he was alone with a young child out of sight. My friend knew about it but allowed it. Now, supposedly nothing happened, they were just walking around the farm looking at animals.
What would you do about your friendship in this situation? End it or continue it? Do child molesters deserve forgiveness and the right to have intimate relationships or should they be shunned?
That he admitted it was pretty telling that he's honest, he admitted it (How many would DARE do that?) and that he's trying to work it out. That he failed a lie detector is easy to do, simply clenching your groin can cause the readings to show falsely.
Admitted to being alone with a child out of sight....Again being honest and knowing he was wrong to do such...I'd still keep an eye on him....But let the friend decide what they will do, no need to shove the nose in this.
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