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Sigh. You just don't get it. I have done this in previous years - wound up with a very depressed friend who could not be budged from her negativity during Christmas dinner, despite multiple efforts to change the topic, etc., plus another couple of friends who did not know one another (or the sad friend) at all. It was difficult to keep conversation going, under those circumstances. I asked several others, but they all had plans. it felt like a collection of waifs and strays, sadly, though each of these people is a good friend individually.
What don't I get? You did exactly what I was suggesting. You invited people to your home, and you had a bad time. So you didn't do it again. Instead of choosing different friends next time that are more pleasant company, you gave up and chose to sit around waiting for a better invitation. You chose to be alone at the holiday.
Do you like to kick others while they are down? Braggarts are some of the worst people I ever came in contact with and your post qualifies as such, especially the "only time I was alone..." part.
As to what is bolded - it is common knowledge this is the worst day of the year to do any last minute "volunteer" work as they often outnumber the people they are trying to help.[/QUOTE]
And yours is an overreaction.
As far as volunteering goes, you don't look to volunteer a week before, of course if you call up a few days before Thanksgiving and Christmas they will tell you they have enough people.
I said look to volunteering all year round. Find something that interests you so you will be around like minded people and build some friendships over time.
So when the holidays roll around and they have gotten to know you and find you don't have any family or any plans ask you to join them.
From your comments it doesn't sound like you extend yourself in getting to know anyone including your neighbors, sometimes you have to make the first move.
I love not having to go to someone's house and deal with strangers, family etc. Give me my own cooking, a movie and a couple of phone calls and I'm happy. Love my own quiet and solitude.
Awww we're not so bad. I spent many holidays alone or at work. If I was at work I'd spend my spare time making as many origami snow flakes as I could for my alert patients. It always made them smile. I guess being at work for the holidays was better then being alone, but I did have my pets too.
I feel bad for people alone on he holidays missing lost family. I never really had one so I don't miss them. To me it was just another day with total control of the remote and a whole box of chocolates all to myself.
True. The nurses and doctors were really nice but they were convinced I was a victim of domestic violence. They didn't believe I was outside feeding a stray cat at 5am on Thanksgiving.
I used to work holidays when I was younger. I never minded it since holidays aren't big in my family. I like being home alone and in peace.
Do you like to kick others while they are down? Braggarts are some of the worst people I ever came in contact with and your post qualifies as such, especially the "only time I was alone..." part.
As to what is bolded - it is common knowledge this is the worst day of the year to do any last minute "volunteer" work as they often outnumber the people they are trying to help.[/QUOTE]
And yours is an overreaction.
As far as volunteering goes, you don't look to volunteer a week before, of course if you call up a few days before Thanksgiving and Christmas they will tell you they have enough people.
I said look to volunteering all year round. Find something that interests you so you will be around like minded people and build some friendships over time.
So when the holidays roll around and they have gotten to know you and find you don't have any family or any plans ask you to join them.
From your comments it doesn't sound like you extend yourself in getting to know anyone including your neighbors, sometimes you have to make the first move.
I have been active in dog rescue and transport for about 9 years now and have met many wonderful people, both near and far, as a result.....
What don't I get? You did exactly what I was suggesting. You invited people to your home, and you had a bad time. So you didn't do it again. Instead of choosing different friends next time that are more pleasant company, you gave up and chose to sit around waiting for a better invitation. You chose to be alone at the holiday.
What is your sad friend doing this year?
No, you really don't get it. My other friends all had other plans that year - I asked numerous people, but only these three accepted my invitation. What is unclear about that?
The next time I was alone at Christmas, I was battling the final stages of flu and in no condition to be anyone's host or guest. I did not choose any of that, either. It was still a pretty sad day, given the circumstances. That was why I threw a Farewell to Christmas party a couple of weeks later, to try to regain some of the missing joy of the day itself.
Thanks for the reminder - I do need to check in with my friend.
Hey! It's just me here on the Big Island. Closest family is in Colorado. Closest friend is in Arizona. But, I am quite happy with being alone at Thanksgiving for the first time in my life. Getting ready to watch some football, have a peach pie in the oven, and with a little (or a lot) of Merlot I'm good to go!
Let me rephrase this: who is going to BE ALONE on the holidays; that means without an S.O., without friends, without the option of being with your mother, which you're declining. What part of "alone" don't people on City Data understand?
This...
Quote:
Originally Posted by brava4
I love not having to go to someone's house and deal with strangers, family etc. Give me my own cooking, a movie and a couple of phone calls and I'm happy. Love my own quiet and solitude.
and this.
I am also alone and by myself this Thanksgiving but seeing as it is Thanksgiving I am giving thanks for ALL of my perceived blessings and ALL that I do have in my life. Besides I will be cooking Thanksgiving tomorrow to take on a trip out of state to see my brother who is in an Assisted Living facility; out of three, he is the only brother I have left, the baby of the family. I can't wait to see him with the turkey and all the fixins'; he is looking forward to it as well.
Life changes and I think to stay happy (content) and healthy we have to adjust positively to the changes...otherwise it is a slippery slope to sadness and unrealistic wishes for "the way things were". As has been mentioned in other forums (specifically on retirement and aging), this is the "new normal".
Happy Thanksgiving to all, regardless of your company...or lack thereof.
The last few holidays spent with family (last time was 7 years ago today, Thanksgiving) was a reminder that it.s okay to not want to be with them for another ten years. So, in a nutshell, have spent turkey day with family once in the past 17 years. And on that day, when the bickering and stuff I witnessed was enough to keep away for a long long time.
Family can be TOXIC. These relatives still carry a grudge from when we were children !!! Discussing dead family members isn.t how I want to spend my day off, either. And the negative events of yesteryear are always brought up, not the heartwarming stuff: see, my brain tells me it will be all puppies and flowers and champagne when family get-togethers occur. In reality, it.s more of a phony fake "my mcmansion is better than your mcmansion" contest. It.s usually a painful event that I grin and smile and try to steer the conversation to lite topics, but they won.t have it: I.d swear they want blood.
Also have tried the holidays with new friends thing which, again, being brought into their home circle, is yet another lesson learned.
Do I dread Christmas because of this? Yes. Will I try again? Prolly not. Why? Because being here, my home in my jammies with a microwave (non-turkey) meal (because that is just toooooo sad, for the turkey, too) in my favorite chair with kitty curled up is just fine by me.
I don.t need any more negative memories of holidays spent with "family". Plus they're democrats with hard core political ties.
Pass.
And NJ questions nailed it right on the head.
Don.t think I.m complaining either: I am grateful as I know many people don t have what I have and children have gifts and don.t know who their mothers and fathers ARE.
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