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The vast majority of people don't grow up to be screw ups or drug abusers. My children made me laugh every single day of their lives. I know to my core that there is no relationship like that of being a parent. However, I wouldn't know how wonderful these relationships would be if I hadn't had children. You can't miss what you've never had. I've never known ANY parent who regretted having children. I can't imagine what kind of person would say that.
As I said before, to me it s sad hearing about a story of a parent being regretful of having kids, but to say that there isn't any that do just isn't correct. Seven people here answered that way. It gives me no pleasure in saying that. There was also some article in some British mag a few years ago talking about this same subject. As unpleasant as it is doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Sadly enough.
In 1994, I was starting a new job, and getting acquainted with co-workers, and a woman, who happened to have grandchildren asked me if I had kids, I said no, and she said "don't feel bad, you've spared yourself a lot of grief".
At fist glance, it's probably seems terrible that anyone would say that they regret having their children.
My life would be empty and meaningless without mine. But mine have fortunately turned out pretty well.
On further contemplation, I have a few relatives whose children have made their lives a living hell - issues with drugs, jail, stealing from them, even abusing them in some cases. For those people, I'm sure they wonder about the peace they may have had if they had not had them. These are the saddest people I know.
The decision isn't really about having children, it's about the actions that lead to making them. My father cautioned me when I came of age to be very careful about who I chose to be intimate with, because intimacy can and often does lead to babies, and that's a permanent condition you can't easily break up with. And so my decision to become a father was directly attached to my wanting to have children with my wife. I think most of those who regret becoming parents really regret the circumstances around that fact.
Being prepared to sacrifice so much of my life was a given going into the experience and so I've never had reason to regret it. Both of my boys, very different from one another, have been a source of immense joy for me. We don't live in a sitcom and so not every moment of every day is smiles and laughter, but there has clearly been way more happy than sad, way more satisfaction than frustration and way more good days than bad.
And I applaud those who understood themselves enough to forego the experience. Not everyone should be a parent, including, sadly, many who are. Admitting that takes courage in a world where everyone is judged against the so-called "normal" standard. No child should be burdened with a parent who's disinterested, disengaged or resentful.
I think it is hard for people to admit publicly -- even on an anonymous board like CD -- that they regret having children.
I never had kids and am glad I did not. (I didn't answer the poll, of course.)
Agreed. The majority of people that I know are parents, and I am not. When the subject comes up, they never will admit to regret having been a parent. I hear endless complaints about how difficult, stressful, etc it is to be a parent, but still parents won't admit having this regret. I believe more parents regret it than they will allow themselves and others to know. Of course, many don't regret it, but there's no way to know who really does. That being said, I think that the majority of parents do everything they can to do right by their children and be the best role models they can be, even if their children were the result of an accidental pregnancy. I admire all the things they do to try to raise their kids right.
One of the most amazing things I have found my younger sister capable of doing is the multitasking thing. She has two boys, aged 10 and 3, and it's hilarious the way she constantly juggles several activities at once. I'll be at her kitchen table having a conversation with her, and she'll be packing her oldest son's lunch, informing her youngest son that no, he cannot have a third package of gummy bears for breakfast, and shooing the dog off the couch simultaneously. And all without missing a beat in our flow of discussion It's incredible what she can do, and I have seen many parents do that same thing all the time.
The vast majority of people don't grow up to be screw ups or drug abusers. My children made me laugh every single day of their lives. I know to my core that there is no relationship like that of being a parent. However, I wouldn't know how wonderful these relationships would be if I hadn't had children. You can't miss what you've never had. I've never known ANY parent who regretted having children. I can't imagine what kind of person would say that.
The kind who had children who drove a wedge into her marriage because her husband would never discipline them. The kind who has a 29 year old son who was a drug addict from 15-25 and even though he's clean has now chosen to drink heavily and drive without a license due to a DUI. The kind of person who is forced to live with him because he doesn't make enough money on SSDI to survive.
What kind of person would say that? The kind who loves her kids but realizes her life would have been so much better off without this particular son. The kind who feels she has a handicapped child because all he does is sit in his room all day smoking, drinking and watching TV. The kind that always wonders if I should have done more or should I have done less to help him.
What kind of a person would say that? The kind who has considered suicide on more than one occasion because all of this is too painful to watch and live through, who has become a widow and had to deal with cancer 8 months later. The kind that realizes she will never have any peace in her life and who, even on her death bed, is going to worry about this son because nobody and I mean nobody wants to deal with him or have him live with them. Right now in his room on the night table are 16 empty beer cans and liquor bottles along with overflowing ashtrays. He has spent the weekend with his female friend and his daughter. Oh yes, did I mention he has a daughter that I have to take care of most weekends because he is sleeping off his hangover?
So before people peg anybody who says they regret having children as some horrible person, think about what YOUR life would be like if you had a child who was a drug addict, a thief, a prostitute, a pedophile or any number of horrible things your child could have been. And it's not always the parents' fault. My son was the typical stupid 15 year old who thought he would be the exception that could use drugs and not get hooked. He learned the hard way. He had so much potential and he threw it all away. It brings me to tears just writing this because, as you know, I am a horrible person for even wishing for a moment that I didn't have kids.
Location: Finally the house is done and we are in Port St. Lucie!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chiluvr1228
The kind who had children who drove a wedge into her marriage because her husband would never discipline them. The kind who has a 29 year old son who was a drug addict from 15-25 and even though he's clean has now chosen to drink heavily and drive without a license due to a DUI. The kind of person who is forced to live with him because he doesn't make enough money on SSDI to survive.
What kind of person would say that? The kind who loves her kids but realizes her life would have been so much better off without this particular son. The kind who feels she has a handicapped child because all he does is sit in his room all day smoking, drinking and watching TV. The kind that always wonders if I should have done more or should I have done less to help him.
What kind of a person would say that? The kind who has considered suicide on more than one occasion because all of this is too painful to watch and live through, who has become a widow and had to deal with cancer 8 months later. The kind that realizes she will never have any peace in her life and who, even on her death bed, is going to worry about this son because nobody and I mean nobody wants to deal with him or have him live with them. Right now in his room on the night table are 16 empty beer cans and liquor bottles along with overflowing ashtrays. He has spent the weekend with his female friend and his daughter. Oh yes, did I mention he has a daughter that I have to take care of most weekends because he is sleeping off his hangover?
So before people peg anybody who says they regret having children as some horrible person, think about what YOUR life would be like if you had a child who was a drug addict, a thief, a prostitute, a pedophile or any number of horrible things your child could have been. And it's not always the parents' fault. My son was the typical stupid 15 year old who thought he would be the exception that could use drugs and not get hooked. He learned the hard way. He had so much potential and he threw it all away. It brings me to tears just writing this because, as you know, I am a horrible person for even wishing for a moment that I didn't have kids.
{{{{{ hugs}}}}} I have no advice but thought you could use a hug.
{{{{{ hugs}}}}} I have no advice but thought you could use a hug.
You have no idea how much that means to me right now.
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It's incredible what she can do, and I have seen many parents do that same thing all the time.
