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They have wedding packages which include the makeup, dresses, adjustments, shoes, and suits. That's what we did for our wedding. It only makes sense since all of that should be uniform.
The couple really should be more considerate.
The uniform look is a tradition, not a requirement. I've been to lovely weddings where the bride simply said, "I'd like to use this color -- where whatever cocktail-length dress you want that you feel comfortable in, as long as it's this color." And the bridesmaids carried a small bouquet, wore dresses that were flattering and probably something they'd use again, and looked pretty in the pictures because they weren't stuffed in an unflattering style.
To me, the worst example of all of weddings masquerading as theater is the church shopping crowd. You know, the people who have never set foot in a church, but suddenly need a venue for the movie that is their life.
AMEN! Same here. My lovely MIL directed weddings at her Episcopal church for twenty years, and yes, she has some truly horrifying stories, usually from those wedding parties that managed to slip through the fairly strict vetting that the church instituted.
I think the thing that always perplexed me was the "church as a stage for my performance" crowd, who felt no sense of sanctity, and truly did not understand why churches didn't conform to their every wedding whim. Uh, hello -- it's CHURCH -- since when was church all about granting your every wish? :-)
This particular church was historic, and had very strict rules on the placement of flowers, and a short list of florists that were allowed to work in the church -- because, from experience, there were florists who did not respect the furnishings and would carelessly damage 150 year old pews in order to affix flowers. You'd think "oh, once won't matter" -- but it's not once, it's 1 or 2 times a week. It takes a toll on delicate carvings.
But of course, the bridezillas and their mothers had a "vision" for the "event", and they aren't afraid to pitch a fit if they aren't getting their way. The plan for the flowers had to be approved by the church a month prior to the wedding, music had to be vetted, etc. They had a contract, a calendar, reminders for deadlines, etc. Two months prior to the wedding, the couple had not attended any marriage classes (required), and had made the staff's life a living hell with their demands. The wedding director called the couple and said that, because the terms of the contract had not been fulfilled, they would not be able to hold their wedding there. Imagine the conversation . . . :-)
i'm done with weddings. i will be a bridesmaid, once again, in July of this year. this will be my 5th time being in a wedding party. i'm so frustrated with the extravagant costs that people want you to spend. i'm honestly starting to build some resentment about it. i was just told i need to chip in 200$ for the bridal shower... then i have to get the dress (about $200), alterations for the dress (prob $100) hair & makeup ($100), a shower gift, and then an actual gift for the wedding. bachelorette party will prob be around 200$ as well. don't forget the hotel too (prob $200/night). probably will top at about $1,000. which has been the same for the other 4 weddings i was in as well.
i know i know, i didn't have to say yes to being a bridesmaid. but the alternative of saying no would probably be a lot worse... "why doesn't she want to be a bridesmaid" "i can't believe you said no" "i can't believe you wouldn't partake in his/her special day". anyway, i just needed to vent. why can't people just have a low key party and you give a gift and then be done with it? i especially hate when people tell me "it will be your turn one day". NO! i plan on going to get the marriage license and then that's it. maybe the party will consist of a nice dinner where me and my boyfriend pay for everything. i would never expect people to pay for anything just because i decide to spend the rest of my life with someone.
anyone else? i'm considering saying no to the bachelorette party to cut costs.
I like weddings but I wouldn't want to be involved beyond just being a guest. I declined my cousin's invitation to be a bridesmaid a) because I didn't want to and b) because she already had enough bridesmaids anyway. I don't really feel bad about it because if I ever get married, I'm not planning to have bridesmaids.
AMEN! Same here. My lovely MIL directed weddings at her Episcopal church for twenty years, and yes, she has some truly horrifying stories, usually from those wedding parties that managed to slip through the fairly strict vetting that the church instituted.
I think the thing that always perplexed me was the "church as a stage for my performance" crowd, who felt no sense of sanctity, and truly did not understand why churches didn't conform to their every wedding whim. Uh, hello -- it's CHURCH -- since when was church all about granting your every wish? :-)
This particular church was historic, and had very strict rules on the placement of flowers, and a short list of florists that were allowed to work in the church -- because, from experience, there were florists who did not respect the furnishings and would carelessly damage 150 year old pews in order to affix flowers. You'd think "oh, once won't matter" -- but it's not once, it's 1 or 2 times a week. It takes a toll on delicate carvings.
But of course, the bridezillas and their mothers had a "vision" for the "event", and they aren't afraid to pitch a fit if they aren't getting their way. The plan for the flowers had to be approved by the church a month prior to the wedding, music had to be vetted, etc. They had a contract, a calendar, reminders for deadlines, etc. Two months prior to the wedding, the couple had not attended any marriage classes (required), and had made the staff's life a living hell with their demands. The wedding director called the couple and said that, because the terms of the contract had not been fulfilled, they would not be able to hold their wedding there. Imagine the conversation . . . :-)
And then I bet they started some thread on a message board about how awfully the church treated them and how it was nothing more than a business trying to gouge them for money. The world is made for those who lack self-awareness.
The uniform look is a tradition, not a requirement. I've been to lovely weddings where the bride simply said, "I'd like to use this color -- where whatever cocktail-length dress you want that you feel comfortable in, as long as it's this color." And the bridesmaids carried a small bouquet, wore dresses that were flattering and probably something they'd use again, and looked pretty in the pictures because they weren't stuffed in an unflattering style.
Yes. Of my aforementioned two friends, two of us went this route, i.e. picked a color and left it to the bridesmaids to find a dress or top/skirt separates in that color. I had my bridesmaids wear apple red (David's Bridal) and my one friend had us wear black, and then bought us colorful shawls to wear over them. The third friend had the brilliant idea to have our mothers sew our dresses (all identical - well, almost) and that one turned out the least well. From both the standpoint of the sewing hassles (which far outweighed any money theoretically saved) and the fact that the style/color she picked was really only potentially flattering on her, the bride, not so much on the bridesmaids.
Ask anyone that has been married for 30 or 40 years when was the last time they saw a non relative member of their bridal party. I have been in a lot of weddings and haven't seen any of the other members or bridal couple for decades. Friendships change and most won't see the friends they had in their 20's. So I wouldn't worry about saying no, unless they were in your wedding and had to shell out the big bucks. Then you are obligated with no excuses.
None of these things are new. I heard the same things in the 70's.
Heck, I've been married for just over 20 years and I can't tell you when we last saw everyone. One person, I know we have not seen since our wedding....talked a few times, but that was it. It's easily been 10+ years since we've seen the other 3 we weren't related to. And 2 of them went to church with my husband's family. We don't live in that area anymore...haven't in years. Even with Facebook, we never hear from any of them.
I'll never understand the weddings with 9+ bridesmaid and 9+ groomsmen. Why on earth does everyone you know need to be in your wedding? Is it a contest to see how many people you can squish into a hideous overpriced dress that doesn't fit or look right on anyone? And NO most people canNOT wear strapless anything...this includes you Ms Bride!
Reading this thread I am feeling bad for even planning a wedding! Everyone seems pretty excited about it- now I'm worried they are putting up a front.
Don't feel that way. Just keep the thing in perspective. Not knowing a thing about you, you're likely not a member of a royal family, so there's no need for a chorus line, dancing bears, and a seal act. In short, keep it fun for everyone without bankrupting anyone.
The uniform look is a tradition, not a requirement. I've been to lovely weddings where the bride simply said, "I'd like to use this color -- where whatever cocktail-length dress you want that you feel comfortable in, as long as it's this color." And the bridesmaids carried a small bouquet, wore dresses that were flattering and probably something they'd use again, and looked pretty in the pictures because they weren't stuffed in an unflattering style.
Speaking of unflattering styles- before my breast cancer I was a natural 34G. I had to bow out of 2 weddings because the brides insisted they wanted everyone in strapless gowns. Um. Nope. Physics.
Reading this thread I am feeling bad for even planning a wedding! Everyone seems pretty excited about it- now I'm worried they are putting up a front.
Just don't go overboard on what you expect your bridesmaids and groomsmen to spend. THAT is the main complaint being discussed here.
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And NO most people canNOT wear strapless anything...this includes you Ms Bride! 
