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When my brother got married, they said no gifts. Just give them money for their honeymoon trip! How ****ing NERVY! No, I did not give them money.
They were LIVING together for 5 years before they got engaged. They were engaged for 2 years. They own a house. So what do they really need? Yup, they spent a small fortune from her parents on a big fancy wedding at some fancy castle thing. Such a waste of money!
Honestly, telling people to give you money for your honeymoon is about as tacking as you can be! They never went on a honeymoon!!! They said they were going to New Zealand for their first anniversary. They never went. Now they say for their second anniversary....still no plans are being made. Really sounds like a scam to me and he's my brother!
It's very nervy. I haven't gone to a wedding in over 10 years and could care less if I ever went to another one.
I couldn't believe the wedding website....LOL. There was even a furniture fund, saying that what they had was mostly given to them by family. They're making easily a $100K between them, you want new furniture buy it yourself. It was similar to a Go Fund Me page.
It used to be you went to a wedding, you either gave cash or a gift, and the bride and groom used the cash gifts to their liking, not beg for money for different things they want. Especially when they're in the financial position to pay for these things themselves.
Haha! I now realize that probably sounded depressing in writing, but at least we skipped the crappy DJ!
Also one critical factor I left out in the initial post was that we had a first wedding celebration in India with something like 800 people and plenty of dancing. The critical factor in that case was that I planned none of it (except for showing up) and with the favorable exchange rate, an outdoor venue and a family friend who did catering the total price for both weddings was still pretty far below a typical 'large' US one.
All that said, for our 2 year anniversary we're going to break out the wedding clothes and take some proper photos. Never too late, right?
1) The duration and long term health of the marriage is inversely proportional to the elaborateness of the wedding. The more lavish the party, the more of a letdown married life of toilet seat arguments is going to be (and the more arguments there will BE about the toilet seat).
2) If you need a bachelor/bachelorette party right before your wedding as a "last hurrah", then perhaps you are not ready to get married.
3) If an expensive gown that you can't afford and will wear for four hours means more to you than a down payment on a house, you need to examine your priorities.
4) If you want a big wedding because you crave attention and adulation, then I feel sorry for your spouse-to-be.
5) You are just as married if you get married in an off-the-rack dress in a local park and then go out for pizza as you are after spending $30,000 on a mediocre steak dinner for 200 people and a DJ playing bad pop songs in an ongepotchket garish catering hall. Maybe more so.
Oh, and as a special bonus, here is my helpful hint for wedding gifts for people you don't know well or when you hate the idea that your gift is supposed to "cover your plate", which is a way of saying that you should spend as much on the gift as your mediocre prime rib dinner cost:
I agree many weddings are ridiculous. I had just one maid of honor and my husband had a best man. We were a bit older 34 and 39) and i just didnt feel like involving a whole bunch of people and asking for money because i decided to get married. I had been in 2 or 3 weddings prior and there were expenses but nothing outrageous. I never had to contribute money to a shower. Peoples bachelor parties some ridiculous...often times they involve a trip?? Seems way over top. So i feel ya. Total waste of money for you but we are taught to get excited and be happy for these people. I think it's ok to say no.
i'm done with weddings. i will be a bridesmaid, once again, in July of this year. this will be my 5th time being in a wedding party. i'm so frustrated with the extravagant costs that people want you to spend. i'm honestly starting to build some resentment about it. i was just told i need to chip in 200$ for the bridal shower... then i have to get the dress (about $200), alterations for the dress (prob $100) hair & makeup ($100), a shower gift, and then an actual gift for the wedding. bachelorette party will prob be around 200$ as well. don't forget the hotel too (prob $200/night). probably will top at about $1,000. which has been the same for the other 4 weddings i was in as well.
i know i know, i didn't have to say yes to being a bridesmaid. but the alternative of saying no would probably be a lot worse... "why doesn't she want to be a bridesmaid" "i can't believe you said no" "i can't believe you wouldn't partake in his/her special day". anyway, i just needed to vent. why can't people just have a low key party and you give a gift and then be done with it? i especially hate when people tell me "it will be your turn one day". NO! i plan on going to get the marriage license and then that's it. maybe the party will consist of a nice dinner where me and my boyfriend pay for everything. i would never expect people to pay for anything just because i decide to spend the rest of my life with someone.
anyone else? i'm considering saying no to the bachelorette party to cut costs.
Such nonsense. Someone gets married, you send them a congratulations card. That's it. If they want to put on an amateur Broadway show and pretend to be royalty for the day, it doesn't mean we have to go along with it. If they can't afford to pay for everything for the wedding party they invite, then they can't afford the wedding ceremony and party, and they shouldn't have one. When you invite people over your house for dinner, you don't ask them to bring the food. Just say no to these silly weddings. Send a card.
My son was completely put off of weddings last year when (after his fifth invite to a friend's wedding) another friend/co-worker decided to get married. At first he was asked to be the best man, and, at first, the wedding was going to be held on some tropical island. The guy who was getting married is a co-host of a tv talk show, so his income is considerably higher than my son's, who was (at the time) a producer/editor. So when his friend announced both his wedding plans as well as his interest in having him serve as best man, my son was upset. He simply couldn't afford it...paying for plane fare to a resort for both himself and his girlfriend (who was also invited and expected to go), paying for a wedding gift, paying for a (designated, very expensive) rented tux...it was all too much, and he began to resent being asked. When he vented to me about all of this, he told me that he was going to simply turn down the entire thing.
In the end, the friend opted out of the fancy tropical resort, and decided instead for a local country club affair, and he also decided that it would be better if he asked his brother to be his best man (his wish was still to have my son do it, but family weighed in and strongly suggested his brother...I know, family...). So my son still wound up forking over a fair bit for a tux and gift, but he did go, and he and his girlfriend enjoyed watching his friend exchange vows.
My son and his gf both agree that if they ever do get married, they want to keep it simple, informal, and cheap. Quite honestly, that would be my choice too. But I won't deny anyone if they do want to spend a huge amount of money on their 'day'...just so long as they don't expect everyone else to be extravagant as well.
I just turned 62 and I have never been a bridesmaid. I was living in New York and my sister in Florida when she married the first time and I just flew down for the actual wedding and then back home. For her second wedding I was living in NC and she got married in my mother's back yard with no guests or anything. All of my friends were already married when I met them. The one exception was a friend who was getting married right around the due date of my first child so I declined when she told me the date.
I've lucked out I guess. My opinion is too many brides put too much thought and effort into the wedding and not enough into the marriage. Does anybody even go for pre-marital counseling or couples counseling these days before getting married?
My opinion is too many brides put too much thought and effort into the wedding and not enough into the marriage. Does anybody even go for pre-marital counseling or couples counseling these days before getting married?
Bingo. I think most young people don't think past the wedding and the trip-of-a-lifetime to a tropical resort. That's why I say that the success of the marriage is inversely proportional to the cost of the wedding.
When I was 25, I was obsessed with diamond engagement rings and weddings and I pored over bride magazines. I met my husband when I was 28, we moved in together six months later and I had long since given up ever being married. When HE decided he wanted us to be married, I had gotten over these obsessions. I did make him buy me a "little ring" -- it was a little ruby ring and it cost $55 at Fortunoff's. And everyone treated me just as much as though I had accomplished something wonderful as if I'd had a $10,000 diamond.
For me, it was usually reciprocated. We were in EACHOTHER'S weddings. Nobody complaining here better ever ask anyone to spend a dime on a celebration for them. I don't see spending money, within reason, to help a friend celebrate a major milestone as throwing it down the drain. Your post sounds very selfish.
Most of the people complaining, myself included, spent over $1000 on wedding costs. I would NEVER in a million years ask that of someone else. Never. Never ever ever. My dress alone was $400 plus alterations, which is more than I would be willing to spend on my own wedding dress.
Call me selfish for not being too pleased about going into credit card debt in order to have the "honor" of being a bridesmaid. I didn't even get a good photo of myself with my brother and SIL out of it and just have a hideous dress taking up space in my closet that I will never be able to wear again, but can't bare parting with since I spent all of my disposable income on it.
In my case, brother and SIL already owned a home (both sets of parents helped pay for it and the in-laws let them live with them rent-free for over a year to afford the downpayment) for a year and had the entire wedding paid for by her parents. All of the bridesmaids were struggling financially on our own with no such help. It was the bride and MIL that kept trying push us to spend spend spend without offering to help or budge on logistics. I can't see myself as the selfish one in this scenario.
When you invite people over your house for dinner, you don't ask them to bring the food.
Oh how I wish this were true. Just about every dinner gathering these days is some sort of potluck/pitch-in/"bring a dish" affair.
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They're making easily a $100K between them, you want new furniture buy it yourself. It was similar to a Go Fund Me page.
The critical factor in that case was that I planned none of it (except for showing up) and with the favorable exchange rate, an outdoor venue and a family friend who did catering the total price for both weddings was still pretty far below a typical 'large' US one. 
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