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Old 04-27-2017, 05:51 AM
 
5,048 posts, read 6,918,047 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by croth82 View Post
I was more talking about paying for the birthday. Yes right now it is only two days, but when my wife told me that her sister plans on living in an apartment and raising multiple kids there then I'm concerned this will continue. My wife and I basically live paycheck to paycheck so it's not like we could afford to do this even if we wanted to. I would like to host holidays and special events at our new place for both families, but I do have an issue doing it for a bunch of people neither one of us know like what her sister is asking of us.
So you're living paycheck to paycheck. Good thing you added this because I thought you and your wife must be wealthy. Since your wife will not be convinced of your shared limited income, she is likely to be reason for you both to get into financial trouble.

So go at it a different, or additional, way. Walk her through it. Lay out on paper your income and outgo. Lay out cost of all those activities for the sister. Factually, not emotionally. You be the grown up. Let her know if won't work. Yet she wants to spend. Tell her by saying so she is stating clearly she is immature in handling finances. Therefore, she needs a tighter budget so that you both can survive as a couple.

Unfortunately, it sounds like you should really have a separate account your wife cannot access or you will go down with her.
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Old 04-27-2017, 05:54 AM
 
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Your wife needs to make you and your marriage a higher priority than her sister. Until this happens, you'll fight this same fight over and over.
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Old 04-27-2017, 06:03 AM
 
1,225 posts, read 894,026 times
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If the issue is just financial then you need to tell her that and explain that you just can't afford it. But it sounds more to me like you are upset that your wife hasn't dropped her sister from her life now that you've come along. If she plans on staying this close with her sister and remaining this involved in her life, you are going to have to figure out how much that matters to you and whether you can accept it or not.

I think your wife was hoping that she wouldn't have to be in a situation where she had to choose between which birthday she attended. Apparently both you and the SIL will pitch a fit if it's not yours.
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Old 04-27-2017, 07:17 AM
 
Location: Brooklyn New York
15,574 posts, read 24,932,044 times
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Im also thinking that it is more that your wife allowed this without you being consulted, and your wife making you out to be the bad guy here. Im thinking that the real problem.
Im not to happy when you stated that your wife goes into the attack on you mode, because of your feelings on this, is there something more to this as well?



PS: this probably isnt nice, but when anywone, be it sons, parents or friends do somethng that im not happy about, I always give them a punishment assignment..... that my way of getting back.

and you can be creative on your punishment assignments, they work wonders for me
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Old 04-27-2017, 07:33 AM
 
Location: Doral
874 posts, read 570,738 times
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My take:

Birthday party... I think you're right here, wife should have asked, and this one is a receipe for trouble.

Getting dressed for the wedding.... this one seems much more reasonable, and any costs shouldn't be excessive. (Provide mimosas made from Prosecco and Orange juice)

and finally, as your wedding gift... forgive the debt for $500. Let's face it, you're never getting the money anyway, and this way you seem like the good guy in the situation.
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Old 04-27-2017, 07:56 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,944 posts, read 17,243,367 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnRyan View Post
My take:

Birthday party... I think you're right here, wife should have asked, and this one is a receipe for trouble.

Getting dressed for the wedding.... this one seems much more reasonable, and any costs shouldn't be excessive. (Provide mimosas made from Prosecco and Orange juice)

and finally, as your wedding gift... forgive the debt for $500. Let's face it, you're never getting the money anyway, and this way you seem like the good guy in the situation.
If you do forgive the $500 as a wedding gift (sounds like a great idea) make sure that you do it in writing and make very, very sure that the new husband knows about it. And, hopefully the other close relatives as well. Otherwise, you and your wife will be forever known as the "cheap, bastards that did not even give their sister a wedding present."
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Old 04-27-2017, 08:44 AM
 
4,773 posts, read 6,576,602 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mochamajesty View Post
I have been in several weddings and have never eaten while getting ready. I mean who eats while putting on makeup and formal attire?

The OP just needs to provide space for that.

I would say no to the birthday party.
Yeah, no food required to get ready for a wedding. Maybe just some bottled water for courtesy's sake.

I vote no on the BD party also, if for no other reason than to nip her entitlement attitude in the bud before it becomes an ongoing problem.
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Old 04-27-2017, 08:47 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
22,491 posts, read 24,050,026 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Luvvarkansas View Post
Yeah, no food required to get ready for a wedding. Maybe just some bottled water for courtesy's sake.
Like others have said there's usually champagne of some sort at those things, and there should be a little food, mostly because you don't want anyone to pass out during the ceremony because they haven't eaten all day. Doesn't have to be a huge spread, though.
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Old 04-27-2017, 08:51 AM
 
4,773 posts, read 6,576,602 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
Like others have said there's usually champagne of some sort at those things, and there should be a little food,
Not where I'm from.
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Old 04-27-2017, 09:01 AM
 
5,190 posts, read 4,034,970 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
Like others have said there's usually champagne of some sort at those things, and there should be a little food, mostly because you don't want anyone to pass out during the ceremony because they haven't eaten all day. Doesn't have to be a huge spread, though.


Well, we eat breakfast upon rising, and there is food right after the ceremony. And again, who wants to eat while putting on makeup and formal attire?

That is bizarre and I have never heard of such a thing.
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