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As a rule, I don't befriend coworkers. Now, I know it is important to maintain a functional working relationship so I try to stay friendly but I'm very reserved against being too close to coworkers. Because when more money or a better position is on the line, every man for himself.
Well, given your constant woes with relationships, perhaps you really need to rethink matters. You think you're being wise. I'm just seeing it as a self-fulfilling prophecy.
you know, friends at work are acquaintances, and friends are made during the school years. I trust , to a point, the ones I grew up and developed with. those are friends.
It may sound cold, but there has to be some distance, especially when it involves your livelihood. It is not like work friends keep in touch after they get fired. Its not like work friends come to chill at your home, and become godparents to my children. there is the rare real friendship, that happens sometimes.
what happens when people advance in their jobs may be that the social daily interaction is not there, or something changed in the attitude/respect of the one promoted.
It happens, unfortunately. I had many jobs where I was well liked, got along with my peers and upper management, etc. Never had any problems advancing, because my work stood on its own.
Then I started working for another company. A company I really liked, to be honest. But, there was indeed a culture of distrust and backstabbing. The people who were promoted and advanced usually had some dirt on upper management and were untouchable for fear of a lawsuit.
Others were just nasty, spiteful people. I had one boss who was a no-nonsense sort. Two of my coworkers (who were both friends with each other) hated me, and they did whatever they could to make me look bad. This went on for 6+ months where they were constantly going to my boss and complaining about me. He finally told them to mind their own business and worry about their own job. He told me all this after the fact. Problem was, when he moved on and we got a new Director, the new Director wasn't as smart as the old one... They turned her against me, and then the writing was on the wall. I probably should have gotten out as soon as the old boss left, knowing what I knew, but I liked my job.
Didn't take my two coworkers long to turn the Director against me, and when a round of layoffs came, I was one of them, even though I had seniority on the team.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,723,992 times
Reputation: 41376
Quote:
Originally Posted by MinivanDriver
Well, given your constant woes with relationships, perhaps you really need to rethink matters. You think you're being wise. I'm just seeing it as a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Perhaps you need to quit following me around trying to give "advice" I clearly don't care about.
But I'll indulge you here. As far as getting along with my coworkers during the day, all good. I defend my reps when people are calling then everything but their name. I covered for my manager a few times at appearances. I even go to the stupid happy hours to get my name out there, because I don't know what my next step is and want options just in case.
But there is a reason, I don't get too close to coworkers. I want them to have as little ammo as possible to fire against me, if SHTF. You will probably call that cynicism, whatever. I've learned the hard way that youre coworkers are like the hood. Incapable of loving you and when they want something bad enough, they are capable of anything to destroy you. Not befriending coworkers is protection for me, end of story.
Complaining about someone is a really terrible thing to do -- it hurts them, it hurts you, and you make an enemy for life. Just don't do it. If they are a truly bad person who needs to be fired, that's one thing, but if it's just about competition and the petty annoyances that build up over time, keep yer trap shut.
If you are victimized, remember the names of the people who backstabbed you, because it's an amazingly small world and you may very well run across them again. They might be working for your competitor, they might be bidding for a contract, they might be applying for a position -- and you will then be in a position to squash them like a bug.
You should also keep your own counsel and avoid sharing opinions. Don't try to be friends with coworkers, though it's OK to to out for drinks or whatever; teambuilding is fun. But remember they're out for themselves as are you. But never complain about someone to the management. As my dad used to say, "you never know who's sleeping with the boss!".
If you've given your notice, and you had a truly awful manager, you can possibly do an exit interview with their supervisor and that's when they learn the truth of how good a manager is. But other than that... just work hard, be a supreme diplomat, and leave your job behind at the office every day at 5pm.
Perhaps you need to quit following me around trying to give "advice" I clearly don't care about.
But I'll indulge you here. As far as getting along with my coworkers during the day, all good. I defend my reps when people are calling then everything but their name. I covered for my manager a few times at appearances. I even go to the stupid happy hours to get my name out there, because I don't know what my next step is and want options just in case.
But there is a reason, I don't get too close to coworkers. I want them to have as little ammo as possible to fire against me, if SHTF. You will probably call that cynicism, whatever. I've learned the hard way that youre coworkers are like the hood. Incapable of loving you and when they want something bad enough, they are capable of anything to destroy you. Not befriending coworkers is protection for me, end of story.
Don't flatter yourself. I'm not following you. But if you weigh in on a public message board about relationships, especially when you weigh in with thoughts so patently ridiculous on the subject of getting along with people (You know, the purpose of this board), then I'm going to pipe up.
As far as the rest? There are pretty much two consistent themes in your postings: Deep distrust of others & confusion at what it takes to have a relationship. You talk about your co-workers incapable of loving, blah blah blah, but you then will spew the same cynical nonsense in the very next post. As if one doesn't have anything to do with the other. Cynicism isn't a sign of sophistication and knowing. Cynicism is a symptom of weakness and fear. It is passive.
Funny how, in 35 years of a successful career working with hundreds of different colleagues and clients, I've had experienced only a small handful of people behave in the way you describe. And, typically, those people put off a toxic vibe to them so you know they are untrustworthy. Yet in your world view, the office is a Machiavellian kill-or-be-killed environment filled with booby traps and ninja warriors ready to leap out and give you a Colombian Necktie in the break room. I don't know. Maybe you're the kind of guy who doesn't inspire loyalty and trust to begin with.
But I will tell you this. You're what? Twenty-something? I can say with absolute certainty that those co-workers will surface again and again in your life. They might not all be your best buddies, but they sure as heck will matter as you move ahead in your career. Heck, just last month, I had a former colleague call me out of the blue about a possible opportunity. Twenty-something years ago, we used to go out drinking after work. Not every night. Not every week. Not even every month. And I also helped him out when he got into a major jam at the office. Not to rack up credits, but But enough that we managed to develop some rapport. And we've stayed in touch. So when he needed help on something with some potential oomph to it, he knew whom to call.
In short, people do business with people. And the kind of relationships you have in an office pretty much reflect the kind of relationships you've cultivated.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,723,992 times
Reputation: 41376
Quote:
Originally Posted by MinivanDriver
Don't flatter yourself. I'm not following you. But if you weigh in on a public message board about relationships, especially when you weigh in with thoughts so patently ridiculous on the subject of getting along with people (You know, the purpose of this board), then I'm going to pipe up.
As far as the rest? There are pretty much two consistent themes in your postings: Deep distrust of others & confusion at what it takes to have a relationship. You talk about your co-workers incapable of loving, blah blah blah, but you then will spew the same cynical nonsense in the very next post. As if one doesn't have anything to do with the other. Cynicism isn't a sign of sophistication and knowing. Cynicism is a symptom of weakness and fear. It is passive.
Funny how, in 35 years of a successful career working with hundreds of different colleagues and clients, I've had experienced only a small handful of people behave in the way you describe. And, typically, those people put off a toxic vibe to them so you know they are untrustworthy. Yet in your world view, the office is a Machiavellian kill-or-be-killed environment filled with booby traps and ninja warriors ready to leap out and give you a Colombian Necktie in the break room. I don't know. Maybe you're the kind of guy who doesn't inspire loyalty and trust to begin with.
But I will tell you this. You're what? Twenty-something? I can say with absolute certainty that those co-workers will surface again and again in your life. They might not all be your best buddies, but they sure as heck will matter as you move ahead in your career. Heck, just last month, I had a former colleague call me out of the blue about a possible opportunity. Twenty-something years ago, we used to go out drinking after work. Not every night. Not every week. Not even every month. And I also helped him out when he got into a major jam at the office. Not to rack up credits, but But enough that we managed to develop some rapport. And we've stayed in touch. So when he needed help on something with some potential oomph to it, he knew whom to call.
In short, people do business with people. And the kind of relationships you have in an office pretty much reflect the kind of relationships you've cultivated.
These are the only two sentences I agree with out of that whole rant. You don't know me. And I don't inspire trust and loyalty. So what, in the world of at-will employment there is no trust and loyalty. People work but will leave when something better comes along. This is why I don't get too attached to anyone.
At the end of the day, I get the job done but don't look for me to be BFF with coworkers because I've already lived through the consequences of that and I'm not as stupid or ignorant as you think I am.
You aren't a victim. Chances are pretty strong that you got what you deserved. Maybe rather than blame everyone else for not getting the promotion, getting fired, or whatever, you should look at your own performance and behavior on the job to see what you did to create this situation. Feeling sorry for yourself and blaming the world is a bad way to get ahead.
It's great that you've had such positive experiences at work. But you cannot translate your personal experience to everyone else's. You are not in OP's shoes and all you're doing is assuming that your perception is the reality for everyone. Do you see how short-sighted that is? Workplace backstabbing is a REAL THING, and just because you personally haven't experienced it certainly doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
You aren't a victim. Chances are pretty strong that you got what you deserved. Maybe rather than blame everyone else for not getting the promotion, getting fired, or whatever, you should look at your own performance and behavior on the job to see what you did to create this situation. Feeling sorry for yourself and blaming the world is a bad way to get ahead.
Do you have any evidence to support anything of this?
Sounds like you're trying to say everyone at my job is honest and trustworthy and I'm the only possible problem. Why do you think everyone at my job is so honest and trustworthy? What are you basing this on?
We have one particular nasty person in my office - thankfully we work in different departments. We're all on to her now. She tries to corner the new people and feed them hate but we try to intercept.
She's also filed numerous grievances and lawsuits (yep, never won them - I think they gave her a couple thousand once to try to shut her up and she complained). Pathetic.
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