Had an Amazing Family Gathering today (holidays, dynamics, cousins, grandma)
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People have children who want to make their own traditions. There is often a lot of drama in families when parents/grandparents want to force people into having family gatherings year after year when the younger generations want to make their own traditions. If I had to make a guess, the younger generations made their own traditions and the relatives on that side of the family started joining their children, nieces, nephews and grandchildren on that side instead of continuing to have a big gathering that the younger people no longer enjoyed. Maybe the younger folks had moved across country and it was easier for them to host in their homes than to come back for a big gathering? I think it is silly to assume that it is malicious.
That could be. But here's the thing. They've snubbed us. There's lots of events during the year. If they don't want to see us on Christmas, they could at least offer something else. You get what I'm saying? No effort or explanation done on their part. Our families have seen each other for 60 plus years.
Equivalent of "Nah nah nah nah nah nah. I've got more relatives that like ME than YOU." Ridiculous.
Your DAD could have made a move "all these years" and didn't.
Yea.. My dad just waited for them to invite him over. It's like he thought some miracle was gonna happen. Occasionally he'd have my mom try to get in touch with them and she said she sent out a couple emails over the last 10 years.
And now that my dad is on FB, he considers that keeping in touch.
So I'll never know why my dad waited and waited. And now he's also bitter because I've been getting together with a lot of his relatives on both of his sides. And he's seeing this and he keeps asking me to try to hook him up with the other cousins we used to spend time with. I'm trying. And I post pics on FB to try to get her interested. Both new pics and old pics.
I was thinking about this one family hosting for decades, well over 50 years. Did it ever occur to you that it may have reached a point where they were just fed up that other families weren't taking over the responsibility of hosting? Or maybe Great-grandma was the one insisting on hosting and she passed away? Or, the children/grandchildren wanted to start their own traditions with their own families and their spouse's families? Or any number of other things?
I know a family that for about a decade (when the siblings were young adults) took turns holding holiday celebrations at each other's houses. Christmas at Sally's house one year and at Jack's house the next year. Easter was at Joe's house one year and at Mary's house the next year. It worked out great, everyone got to share the hosting, everyone shared the work, everyone shared the fun of showing off their house and their cooking. Then Mary bought a big new house and wanted to take more turns hosting. It was great for few years, as everyone still had a few turns at their homes but Mary just had more turns.
Then Mary started to insist that EVERY celebration was held at her house and had excuse and excuse why her family could not travel five minutes to go to Joe's house and especially not (horrors!) twenty-five minutes to Sally's house. Well, Joe and his wife really wanted to host some of the celebrations but Mary "put her foot down". After 10 to 15 years of "sucking it up" Joe and his wife and kids just stopped attending most of "family" celebrations. After all, they actually had a bigger house and really wanted to host some of the get-togethers but Mary said it was "too far" and "too inconvenient" for her, her husband and kids to drive (??? five minutes ???).
It is now forty years later since these celebrations started. Now, Mary is very unhappy and feels that her siblings are "taking advantage" of her constant hosting but when Sally offered to host Thanksgiving at her house Mary said "No, it is tradition to have it at my house. It can't be held anywhere else." Guess what? Sally and her husband decided to take a vacation instead of celebrating Thanksgiving this year. What a mess. IMHO, if they had continued taking turns for holiday celebrations, even if Joe's house wasn't ideal or Jack and his wife weren't gourmet chefs it would have been better.
OP, if those holiday celebrations with family were so great why didn't your parents take over hosting them when the cousin's stopped doing it? Why did your cousin's family always have to hold them (for 50 years)?
Yea our family has never hosted a holiday gathering for that side of the family. It's always been them inviting us. And I assumed it would continue, because as a kid that was all I knew. Although my dad did take them out to dinner one time, which was about 12 years ago. I wasn't there though. But he still clings to that and says he treated all of them.
But yea other than that it has always been them hosting. And their mom is getting older. That's one thing my mom claims. But I'll never know if that's the only reason. They still don't live far away. Less than half an hour.
And so when the cousin wrote back to me and said it would be fun to get together for sure, I thought she meant it. Then no response after that.
But yea I don't know why my parents never offered to host it for them. My dad just claims that my mom emailed them a couple of times and he took them out to dinner 12 years ago.
This obsession with the cousin is getting to the point of being scary. Dad took them out 12 years ago - 2006?.
Please stop saying it's scary. I'm a nice guy. I have no ill will.
Yes around 2006, but the point is that we used to have family traditions for over 50 years. My father was always invited. You have to take that into account. More than 60 or 80 years actually if you take into account that my grandma also spent lots of time with that side of the family. My father was there the day his cousin was born. It continued for a long time until who knows what happened...
That could be. But here's the thing. They've snubbed us. There's lots of events during the year. If they don't want to see us on Christmas, they could at least offer something else. You get what I'm saying? No effort or explanation done on their part. Our families have seen each other for 60 plus years.
So it is up to them... EVERY. SINGLE. TIME??? Really? That is insane. Your dad has taken them out one time in half a century and somehow it is their fault for not following up? It is no wonder that they stopped hosting. I would too if I were in their shoes.
Please stop saying it's scary. I'm a nice guy. I have no ill will.
Yes around 2006, but the point is that we used to have family traditions for over 50 years. My father was always invited. You have to take that into account. More than 60 or 80 years actually if you take into account that my grandma also spent lots of time with that side of the family. My father was there the day his cousin was born. It continued for a long time until who knows what happened...
Frankly, it wouldn't have taken me 50+ years to get sick of everyone expecting me to host. You're lucky they lasted as long as they did.
Please stop saying it's scary. I'm a nice guy. I have no ill will.
Yes around 2006, but the point is that we used to have family traditions for over 50 years. My father was always invited. You have to take that into account. More than 60 or 80 years actually if you take into account that my grandma also spent lots of time with that side of the family. My father was there the day his cousin was born. It continued for a long time until who knows what happened...
A nice person doesn’t try to conjure up petty spiteful ways to get back at someone who for their own reasons has decided to remain distant. Your obsession is scary.
My way of showing her that now I have more family I see than she does and I don't need her.
This is an elementary school age brag. Triggered by a childish desire to score some obscure point over someone else. Suspect no one will care other than fellow elementary school aged people.
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