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While it's obvious that lending him money isn't going to solve the problem, you could have made your point without the personal judgments, assumptions, and humble brags you included in your little rant. His decisions about marriage, family, what apartment he chooses, whether it has a storage unit, and all the rest of it are his business, not yours. Yes, he made bad decisions and they were his to make. All you have to do is not lend him money. Leave the self-righteousness out of it.
I agree. And calling him a Loser in the thread title was unnecessary.
I have an uncle who is 66 years old who called me last week asking for money. He said he is facing eviction, has only limited income of $1,200 per month in Social Security, and has over $13,000 in credit card debt. He said he transferred the last money he had in a mutual fund of about $2,000 and that was the last of his savings and that would take 5 days to transfer. He is my father's only sibling. He has never been married (or even dated as far I know) and has no children. My father died earlier this year and my father gave every to his surviving spouse although she did name me and my one brother as beneficiaries to a trust she created. We tried to contact my uncle after my father died earlier this year with calls and letters and even placing a note on his car at his apartment complex but he never responded until now. He said his phone was disconnected and that he was not a good place at the time when my dad died. My uncle says he has lots of health issues.
My brother and I are my uncle's closest living relatives. There might a few cousins too. I know my uncle inherited at least $400k after my grandmother died in 2005 and probably closer to $1 million. My grandmother owned a house that sold for about $900k in 2005 that was split between my dad and my uncle. There were also some other investments. My uncle has basically never worked in his life other than a few years. I assume his Social Security is from disability. He lived with my grandparents basically his whole life and hardly ever worked. After my grandmother died, he got a one bedroom apartment in a city with high cost of living (Simi Valley, CA). He says he pays $1,800 per month in rent and has a storage unit. I told him he needs to move to a less expensive place and consider looking for a job. You can live on $1,200 per month if you rent a room or have roommates or small studio in a city with lower cost of living and eat more simple foods like beans and rice. I looked and he rent a studio in Bakersfield which is about 2 hours distance for $700 per month. He could live on that easily. I loaned him $1,200 as a one-time thing to cover part of his rent for 30 days but I doubt I will ever see that money. I told him I will not give him any more money. I am 44 years old, married, with four children ages 14, 12, 4, and 2. My wife is a stay at home mom with a high school education and only has worked minimum wage jobs before having children. I have my own retirement and children's college to consider. I make good money earning about $135k per year in a city with low cost of living. I refuse to support my deadbeat uncle. He basically blew all of his inheritance. If my uncle calls me again, I will encourage him to go to a homeless shelter. I am a little mad at myself for giving him $1,200 (plus $25 in a bank wire fee) but oh well. My grandparents basically coddled my uncle his whole life. This has reinforced to me the importance of teaching my own children self reliance. I have about $480k in net worth from my own savings (about $180k equity in my house plus about $300k in retirement, investments, and savings). We live really frugally. My father's widow who still works lives by herself but I doubt she would take him in. My uncle was always really creepy. My brother was shocked that my uncle called. I don't feel any moral obligation to my uncle. He basically squandered away his inheritance. He will probably be dead in a few years if his health is as bad as he says it is.
I just wanted to rant here a little. Any advice is welcome.
I think you did the right thing. Helped him out a little but told him you weren't a piggy bank and can't keep helping him.
As someone else said, usually these types of people won't listen to any advice you give him.
But the only other thing you could maybe do is try and help him get set up with senior housing or food stamps or something of that sort. But I wouldn't hand him over any more of the cash.
I agree he probably has some kind of undiagnosed mental disorder (bipolar, autism, depression, who knows).
I'm a senior with social security just a bit less than your uncle. I live in a HUD subsidized building and manage to save money each month. I do not have credit card debt. If I can't afford it, I don't buy it. Simple.
I do have savings and investments to fall back on if needed. It takes saying no to wants. Your uncle obviously hasn't learned that. And he won't learn it if people keep 'helping' him out.
The way to help him is to do what others have suggested. He should contact the Area on Aging organization in his cty. He should also move to a lower cost of living area although if he gets into subsidized housing they will go by his income and that will help him.
He should be applying for food stamps and check out food assistance. Many Salvation Army centers will have free lunches.
Why does he have credit card debt? Why is he using credit cards if he can't pay them?
There comes a time when you have to enforce tough love and make a person face his realities.
Well, the OP certainly wants people to think that his uncle is a loser.
If I were to guess, I'd say that the OP is feeling guilty about his decision to not help his uncle. He started this thread to ask for advice, but he deliberately framed it to elicit the responses he wanted.
The title of this thread could have been "Uncle Asking for Money" instead of "Loser Uncle Begging for Money", but then the OP may not have gotten the responses he was looking for.
The OP will probably sleep better if he can get 50 people to agree with his decision.
Well, the OP certainly wants people to think that his uncle is a loser.
If I were to guess, I'd say that the OP is feeling guilty about his decision to not help his uncle. .
He doesn't need to feel guilty about it. I wouldn't. I know people like this uncle, and I won't help them either. 90% of their problems could be solved by getting a job and/or stop spending money foolishly.
He doesn't need to feel guilty about it. I wouldn't. I know people like this uncle, and I won't help them either. 90% of their problems could be solved by getting a job and/or stop spending money foolishly.
We don't know if he's capable of working. He's 66 with health problems, and the OP mentioned disability.
We also don't know if he's spent his money foolishly. His inheritance was 13 years ago. Divide it by 13 and that's not a lot of money to spend yearly.
Of course none of this means that the OP has any obligation to help him. I'm just saying that the OP likely painted an unfair picture.
I agree. And calling him a Loser in the thread title was unnecessary.
Oh, and asking isn't begging.
I agree with you. Calling people "loser" never solved anything. I refuse to divide human beings into "losers" and "winners".
The OP and other some other posters, act as though there is a choice between helping the uncle, and sending his children to college or letting his wife enjoy the luxury of staying at home with their children.
That's a FALSE CHOICE.
What do some people want to do? Teach the man a lesson? Mock him? He's 65 years old. He isn't changing.
Obviously, the man has issues that have prevented him from average achievement in life. He's not having fun and living "high on the hog".
He's probably, lonely, bewildered, and terrified. He's about to lose his home, for heaven's sake!
If it were my uncle, my husband's uncle or really just a man I knew, I'd help get him situated in a new place. At the very least.
I could not sleep at night doing anything less.
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