Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I can almost guarantee that the bride isn't upset because you aren't going. She's upset because she likely has a deal with the resort that if she gets X number of guests to stay at the resort for the wedding, she gets a big venue discount.
My coworker had a friend who was having a destination wedding and expected guests to be at the destination from Wednesday to Sunday. Coworker told the friend that she was having to watch her expenses because her own wedding was just a few months later, so she and her fiance wouldn't be able to attend. The bride whined and cried and laid out a huge guilt trip, so coworker said they would fly in Saturday morning and leave Sunday. Nooooo ... that would apparently ruin everything. So coworker found a cheaper nearby resort to stay at. Bride threw a temper tantrum and said that they had to stay at her resort because that's where everyone would be! So coworker found mutual friends who were willing to split a room. Cue another temper tantrum. It became very clear what was going on. Coworker finally put her foot down and said no. Bride pouted for months and months. She did show up to coworker's wedding (likely just so she could confirm that her wedding was soooo much better!) but she and hubs left as soon as dinner was over without saying a single word to coworker.
She’s not ok. Her and her family are like family. I just don’t know why she has to do this when most people can’t afford it.
OP, tell her you can't afford it. Surely that must happen, when people have destination weddings. They should be understanding. If not, maybe she's not as good a friend as you thought?
Destination weddings should be small and intimate with just immediate family. The bride and groom should foot the bill for anyone else they "expect" to attend, otherwise just be gracious and enjoy the wedding with whoever does show up.
The interest rate from your debt is probably WAY higher than any interest your savings account may be earning. Pay down some of your debt with it.
Anyway, if your friend is as close as you say, she should be fairly aware of your financial situation. If not, explain to her that you wish her the best but can't afford the trip.
for some people, savings are not for splurges but for emergency developments. An island wedding for most people is not an emergency.
It's good to have a cushion, even if you are in debt to keep you from going further into debt.
Most of the people that I know who have destination weddings understand that a good chunk of the guest list cannot attend. They end up usually being mostly the immediate family, maybe a close friend or 2. They usually have another small party after their wedding at a local venue, a nice restaurant or something. Could be a brunch or a dinner.
The other trend that I've noticed is bridesmaids declining to be a bridesmaid because they can't afford it. The dress, the bachelorette parties, the bridal showers, the gift-it's just too much. Brides have to understand that not everyone can pay for all of this or that they want to save money for their own wedding.
Many years ago, my friend who was a little older than me was getting married and asked me to be her maid of honor. I was happy to do it and was o.k. with getting the dress and giving a gift and I went to her engagement party and got her an engagement gift too. But she had so many other parties and she got mad at me for not making one and for not attending the others. I was a college student at the time and was not working. I also had tests and finals and all of that sort of thing. She and the other friends were already working and were a little older. We stayed friends and I was her maid of honor, but she never really forgave me.
I've never understood why bridesmaids paid for their gowns or dresses. In the big picture the couple or parents are spending whatever, what's a few more dresses and tux rentals? Will it kill them?
I was a bridesmaid for my older sibling, the gowns were expensive for back in 1985, long, satin, maroonish purple gowns. I was pumping gas with my dad, she and my other sister were bankers and could afford it. I remember thinking she wouldn't be getting a gift because my dress and shoes were her gift. For her 2nd wedding I had another gown with matching shoes and my 5 year old son's tux. Not sure if maybe she or my dad payed for his tux but I was still making minimum wage working for my dad. Hey he needed me so I gave up my hair cutting career. Best decision I ever made.
That 2nd dress was a good color which my friend wore when I got married. My bridesmaid didn't pay for anything. That 1st gown couldn't be reused except to make doll clothes.
If these people really cared about you, they would send you plane tickets to attend this silly destination. Charity begins at home. Take care of your own finances, because if you find yourself in real trouble they aren't going to return their wedding gifts and send you the money as a gift, are they? I didn't think so.
Money spent on weddings is foolish. Send them a nice greeting card and telling them you won't be able to attend, but thanks for inviting you. That's it. It is pretty selfish of them to expect everyone else to travel at their own expense like that.
You said you have savings. You are choosing not to go.
You really need to grasp the financial concepts here. Just because you have money in the bank right now, that doesn't mean it isn't allocated for something more important like paying bills.
She’s not ok. Her and her family are like family. I just don’t know why she has to do this when most people can’t afford it.
Some people don't realize and don't care. If she can't accept your situation, well then you aren't family. I saw this happen recently with my SIL whom lost her "sister" due to some issue dating back to her "sister"'s wedding some four years ago.
Reminds me of the entitled bride-to-be who was enraged that very few people were willing to pay "only" $1,500 each to finance her dream wedding. Btw, it has never been established whether this story was actually true.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Pay down some of your debt with it.
