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Some us have never had that to begin with. Always have been a bit of a lone wolf kind of guy growing up. I do wish at times I had some really great guy friends. However my wife and I do consider each other best friends. And she truly is my best friend. ...But sometimes after half a century of life, it would be nice to have had a few guy friends along the way. Some to just sit around and laugh with, crack jokes, watch sports, play sports, be dumb around, talk cars, fart around, whatever, ...just never happened.
Had a BFF for 66 years, beginning in 3rd grade. People used to say we were joined at the hip. He passed 12/23/18 and it really hurts, even though he became a hermit a few yrs. ago, communicating with each other only via phone and email. He called last Oct., complained of coughing blood, and self-diagnosed lung cancer. Never sought medical intervention. And yes, his diagnosis was correct.
Had a BFF for 66 years, beginning in 3rd grade. People used to say we were joined at the hip. He passed 12/23/18 and it really hurts, even though he became a hermit a few yrs. ago, communicating with each other only via phone and email. He called last Oct., complained of coughing blood, and self-diagnosed lung cancer. Never sought medical intervention. And yes, his diagnosis was correct.
Oh wow! 66 years. What a friendship! I sorry to read about your loss but how lucky you were to have had that. We'd all be soo lucky.
I think that people watch too many movies or tv shows and think they need a best friend because that is what Hollywood puts out there.
Most people,when they get older, marry..... have families....have jobs that take up most of their time. Best friends usually get lost in that sort of lifestyle.
Don't focus so much on having a single "best" friend. It sounds desperate, needy, and not to be mean but very high school.
Be your own best friend and try not to rely on other people for your own well being. Does that make sense?
Just surround yourself with people you can sometimes hang out with. Remember that the older we get, the less tolerant most of us are for hearing other people's problems. Older people just don't want to deal with drama and a lot of times people think that is what "best friends" are for. I'm not saying that is why you think you need it, but that is how a lot of people think.
I really like what Parnassia and NoMoreSnowForMe had to say, but just wanted to add that I can relate to your post. I had a best friend for 15+ years, but she started dating someone who disliked me (and the feeling was mutual) and we never came back from that. Since then, I've never had a friend I felt so close to.
But I think you're doing all the right things, and it's just challenging. It was all much easier in high school and college. That doesn't mean you won't find someone else you'll feel close to, though. Best of luck to you.
That person whom you viewed as your BFF wasn't a good friend to you to begin with.To just stop talking to you for no reason at all.You have held on to all of that pain for this person who treated you not very well in the end.You viewed that friendship more then that person viewed you.
Let go of all of the pain.
I really like what Parnassia and NoMoreSnowForMe had to say, but just wanted to add that I can relate to your post. I had a best friend for 15+ years, but she started dating someone who disliked me (and the feeling was mutual) and we never came back from that. Since then, I've never had a friend I felt so close to.
But I think you're doing all the right things, and it's just challenging. It was all much easier in high school and college. That doesn't mean you won't find someone else you'll feel close to, though. Best of luck to you.
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Originally Posted by codergirl
That person whom you viewed as your BFF wasn't a good friend to you to begin with.To just stop talking to you for no reason at all.You have held on to all of that pain for this person who treated you not very well in the end.You viewed that friendship more then that person viewed you.
Let go of all of the pain.
I know how you feel. For me, all I kind of wish I had is 1 or 2 good friends. I don't really have to have ONE BEST frirend, but actually now that I think about it, it's nice. I'm an only child. I've felt this way all my life. No matter where I am (school, work, church, etc.), everyone always, always had their own group of friends already. It's NOT like I've moved around either...just once really an hour away from my last location at age 13. Otherwise, I've been in the same place my entire life.
I've honestly never had more than 1, maybe 2 friends (who didn't know each other) at any one time in my entire life. I've never been a part of a group of friends. I've lived quite a solitary life, but not by choice, that's just how my life has gone. The time I had the friend(s), I may meet up with them for lunch about once every 1-3 or so years. That's probably why I don't give a care about socializing and parties. These aren't even close friends that I'm talking about that I've had. We don't talk on the phone every week or anything. We haven't told each other our "deepest secrets".
That's why my mentality has always been that friends are nice to have, but I don't base my contentment on it. I don't need them.
And you're probably thinking what I've thought as well: I'm a good, kind person, so why don't I have friends? I deserve at least 1 or 2 true, genuine ones at the least. I certainly smile and am approachable too. So I really don't know the answer to why it's happened all my life.
I have a female cousin who's about 15 yrs older than me and never really had friends or a lot of them. I only used to see her at the few family get togethers we've had, but for the last 2 yrs, we've told each other we'll call each other on a monthly basis to talk. Her and I even got together each year, so that's been nice. Better late than never. I know I can trust her.
I tried to reach out to another cousin, but she doesn't seem to want to stay in touch, so oh well.
You can definitely feel free to PM me about it. I'll be happy to talk more about it.
I think you need some closure. It was an important relationship to you, and your friend basically broke up with you. I'm not exactly sure how you can give yourself that closure...but I think it MIGHT be stopping you from allowing yourself to bond with other people. Just a suggestion...cause I don't know you.
You said it's been 10 years...did you ever ask this friend what happened? Can you contact this friend and ask her? Sometimes, just by taking charge of the situation, and asking, instead of being passive...just that mental action of "taking control of my destiny" so to speak, can help give you that closure to let go of the past. Wishing you the best. :-)
Juicy, I really liked E-Twist's idea for you to try to connect with other people who are new to the area and are trying to meet people and establish new social circles for themselves. But at your age now I don't think you're going to find another BFF who easily fits all the criteria you're looking for and that your ex-BFF fulfilled for you. Any new friends you make now you are going to have to nurture the relationships slowly and give yourself lots of time for the friendships to blossom into very close connections. By time I mean years and years.
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Originally Posted by Juicy Ajenku
Now I wonder how people manage to have these 20+ year friendships and lifelong friendships. Because no matter what effort I put into staying in contact, following up or taking personal interest in their lives, it still fades and people change......
Speaking as someone involved in a group of 8 very best life-long women friends who are all very independent and have all known each other for 60 years I've found the most important things to help maintain our abiding friendships, keep it strong, has been for us to recognize boundaries and give each other plenty of space. We've all had different and separate lives and lifestyles, different occupations, all had families and now grandchildren, all live in different locations. We're all supportive of each other but we do NOT allow each other to inject ourselves or get very personally involved in each other's separate areas of our lives that are apart from the friendship.
We don't get dependent or possessive or needy or jealous with each other nor worry about who likes who the most. None of us tries to monopolize anyone's time, attentions or affections and we don't feel there is some kind of hierarchy within the group, we accept that all are equal in our friendship with each other. We do not need to see or text or email or talk to each other on the phone every day, nor every week, nor necessarily every month. Because we all have our own separate daily lives to get on with that doesn't include each other. And if some of us do have reason to meet up or connect with each other more often than with some others, well that's fine, that's their business, it's not a big deal to anyone. Nobody has any control issues about anyone's position within the friendship.
We all make a point of the entire group of 8 all getting together twice a year for a long 4 day weekend and we rent a beach-house to stay at when we do that. It's just the 8 of us who do that, no other friends or family members are allowed to join us on our long weekends away together. That's all part of respecting each other's personal boundaries and not being intrusive.
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