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my lousy posture can give the impression that i'm 'vulnerable' when i'm just lazy. ditto not smiling--i just want to relax and not always be 'making an impression'. there's a limit to 'knowing' what someone is like from body language. nobody can read yr mind, either.
Hmm, it’s interesting how all three responses to this point vary so widely. Would it be accurate to say that to be vulnerable is to eschew self-protective behaviors? By doing so, you open yourself up to wonderful experiences that you might not have otherwise experienced, but also close yourself to potential pain and/discomfort?
For example, asking someone out, or trying a new dish. The opposite of vulnerability would be to stick with what is safe (the known). Vulnerability would mean I might experience a wonderful relationship (orfind a life partner). On the other hand, I might expose myself to a closet narcissist or have an allergic reaction.
Is that too simplistic? And if it isn’t, how do you avoid being preyed upon, like Silibran suggested?
There's a difference between vulnerable, and being open. You can also be open without being vulnerable. Most people here are answering in the classical definition of vulnerable-- at risk of exploitation (of some type) from someone else. You are using it in the sense of taking risks and not being closed-minded. Two different things.
For example: I can go on vacation to another country. I can be open to the new things I will experience there. But I can also not be vulnerable in knowing what the dangers are and trying to avoid those dangers. Or, I can meet people and have relationships, without opening myself up to becoming a doormat or having advantage taken of me.
Zoisite, I didn’t have a hidden agenda for asking. I am personally looking to be come more “vulnerable,” and came here for perspective on what that means and looks like.
I'm not sure you're seeking to be more vulnerable.
Take, for example the scripture that teaches "the meek shall inheret. The last shall be first." Neither of those mean vulnerable.
Approachable maybe? Accessible? Empathic?
I think narcissists absolutely can be vulnerable. I know one who is. Anyone who can figure them out can play on their weakness and take advantage of them.
There's a difference between vulnerable, and being open. You can also be open without being vulnerable. Most people here are answering in the classical definition of vulnerable-- at risk of exploitation (of some type) from someone else. You are using it in the sense of taking risks and not being closed-minded. Two different things.
For example: I can go on vacation to another country. I can be open to the new things I will experience there. But I can also not be vulnerable in knowing what the dangers are and trying to avoid those dangers. Or, I can meet people and have relationships, without opening myself up to becoming a doormat or having advantage taken of me.
Thanks for those thoughts. I don’t think I am talking about something different though. I have just attempted to expand on the definition - taking it beyond interpersonal relTionships, by including “experiences.”
Seems to me “vulerbability” is on a continuum. It’s not black and white, and there are varying degrees of it. As you stated a person can meet new people, but keep themselves closed off. That might vulnerability, but to a very measured degree. It’s better that closing oneself off totally (we all know people like this), but also doesn’t provide the same benefit of the person who “puts themselves out there,” exposing themselves to potentially being hurt. Similarly, they can go on vacation to a new country, and consciously “choose” to limit their vulnerability.
Seems to me that one needs go make a cost/benefit analysis of each situation, but avoid the urge to simply go with the default safest choice. It’s a matter of finding the sweet spot.
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In my opinion, there are two kinds of vulnerable:
A person or creature who is an easy target. A hermit crab with no shell. A baby sea turtle on the way to the ocean. An old person carrying bags in a crime ridden neighborhood. A very very easy target.
Then the other kind: a person in an intimate relationship, whether sexual or not. They give their vulnerability in trust. You tell your "story", maybe not all of it flattering to yourself. You tell your fears and weaknesses, believing they won't be taken advantage of to hurt you. A willingness to be vulnerable is a huge strength in a close relationship. You show your weakness, so the other person can know where your trouble spots are, and mutually, it strengthens the relationship because they don't violate them. I'm really sensitive about _______. I'm really afraid of _______. I'm really embarrassed about ________. And those will be areas that are inviolate.
I think that in context of human interactions, there are a couple of big elements to the concept of vulnerability for me.
Exposure, and investment.
You have to expose yourself in some way. Share your feelings, exposing to the other that they have power to harm you. Expose something you are sensitive about. Expose yourself to risk.
And you have to be invested enough to CARE what they do with that.
Like I've had embarrassing moments I laughed off or even called attention to, and the purpose of that defensive maneuver, is to declaim to all around (metaphorically) "Yes, I was just exposed! HA, HA! Look everyone, I have made a blunder or had an embarrassing situation happen! Ha! And by calling your attention to it, rather than trying to get away unnoticed, I am informing all of you that I have NO investment in your opinions, I do not care what you think! I am not vulnerable to you!" This works sometimes, not other times. But sometimes if you truly feel no shame about something, you can expose what others would not, and feel no vulnerability because you really don't care what anyone thinks.
I believe that you have to have vulnerability, in order to have true intimacy, and that to have healthy vulnerability, you should have trust. I say "healthy" because I think that it is a mark of an unhealthy relationship or interaction or a person's unhealthy behavior or sense of boundaries, if they make themselves vulnerable to people when they should have no expectation of trust.
We learn this as early as the schoolyard, where making yourself vulnerable by sharing a secret, your "friends" will gossip it about or you express strong emotion or cry and get mocked. If a bully gets to you, you've been vulnerable to their abuse. We learn emotional boundaries in these ways, cruel as they can be, to protect ourselves in life from those who would take advantage of us. At least...in theory we do, or we should.
One ought not to just go around being vulnerable to anybody and everybody. You ought to trust them and make sure they've got some investment in you first.
It’s an extremely painful, cringe-worthy buzz word that has somehow recently entered popular usage mainly among girls. If you were building a battleship or fighter jet, would you want it to be vulnerable or invulnerable?! Obviously invulnerable. So why people use this word like it’s something “good,” I have no freaking clue.
If you want to twist the meaning of the word, use a better word or phrase! I’m not “vulnerable” when I express my goals or dreams to someone, that in no way makes me “vulnerable,” it makes me open and honest, or straightforward and forthcoming perhaps. NOT vulnerable. If I have cancer and don’t have the strength to get out of my bed to take a pee, then we can call that vulnerable. But otherwise, I wish people would knock it off with this garbage. It’s NOT cute and it’s not desirable. Be strong and invulnerable! Indomitable spirit.
It’s an extremely painful, cringe-worthy buzz word that has somehow recently entered popular usage mainly among girls. If you were building a battleship or fighter jet, would you want it to be vulnerable or invulnerable?! Obviously invulnerable. So why people use this word like it’s something “good,” I have no freaking clue.
If you want to twist the meaning of the word, use a better word or phrase! I’m not “vulnerable” when I express my goals or dreams to someone, that in no way makes me “vulnerable,” it makes me open and honest, or straightforward and forthcoming perhaps. NOT vulnerable. If I have cancer and don’t have the strength to get out of my bed to take a pee, then we can call that vulnerable. But otherwise, I wish people would knock it off with this garbage. It’s NOT cute and it’s not desirable. Be strong and invulnerable! Indomitable spirit.
This!
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