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Old 03-28-2019, 06:57 PM
 
Location: Endless Concert
1,735 posts, read 1,178,344 times
Reputation: 3288

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I'm not sure how to respond, what to say when ...

An acquaintance tells me she wished she married someone else.

When parents tell me they wish they didn't have kids, they don't enjoy being a parent.

When in a social setting someone starts asking personal questions.
(This can be awkward if I respond, I don't answer questions I wouldn't ask. Then the person is slightly embarrassed and will continue to ask in an obvious, lame attempt to cover their embarrassment.)

Going out to lunch/dinner in a group, many people don't put in the amount to cover what they ordered.
(I've been in this situation many times, I'm usually adding more to cover other people's bill because I want to keep the dining experience positive. (Now I ask for separate checks.)

Someone starts to tell me about the affair they're having, so awkward.

When meeting someone for lunch/dinner - the person is late shows up and doesn't acknowledge they are late or offers an apology to have kept someone waiting.
(I'm a little more prepared about this now as I will only wait 5min. for the habitually late person, if the on time person happens to be late, I would wait a little longer, this person shows up, is accountable and expresses consideration for keeping someone waiting.)

There have been times where I've waited a while for someone, when they finally show up I've said, I though we were meeting 25 min. ago ? Their reaction, well let's go in, or Do you want to go in ? (said in slightly surprised/sarcastic tone)
Now I wished I had said, No, I don't care to dine with someone so inconsiderate.

Please share the times when you're not sure what to say ?

Last edited by 70's Music Girl; 03-28-2019 at 07:45 PM..
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Old 03-30-2019, 04:02 AM
 
Location: Mount Airy, Maryland
10,470 posts, read 5,937,726 times
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I rarely have these things happen to me. I gotta get out more.
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Old 03-30-2019, 06:58 AM
 
Location: God's Country
5,188 posts, read 3,512,325 times
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WOW OP! You must be the town's sounding board, or else live where no one cares about his/her own privacy.


To answer your question, can't recall any of those instances happening to me.
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Old 03-30-2019, 09:14 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,878 posts, read 70,665,916 times
Reputation: 76829
Quote:
Originally Posted by 70's Music Girl View Post
I'm not sure how to respond, what to say when ...

An acquaintance tells me she wished she married someone else.

When parents tell me they wish they didn't have kids, they don't enjoy being a parent.

When in a social setting someone starts asking personal questions.
(This can be awkward if I respond, I don't answer questions I wouldn't ask. Then the person is slightly embarrassed and will continue to ask in an obvious, lame attempt to cover their embarrassment.)
OP, I think it's unusual that people would blurt these things out. I've never heard of the first two happening. Usually only a close friend, not a mere acquaintance, would admit she'd married the wrong person.

As to the third situation, I think you handle it fine. If they persist, you could say, "Perhaps you'd enjoy interviewing someone else. I just saw someone I want to talk to. 'Bye. " and walk away.

Or you could say, "Oh, are you taking a survey? What's your project about?" Stare at them expectantly, while they sputter and turn bright red. Then find an excuse to leave. But really, I find your response more straightforward and direct, as far as indicating they've committed a faux pas goes.
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Old 03-30-2019, 09:21 AM
 
6,325 posts, read 3,583,841 times
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How about just saying what's on your mind - "I'm not sure how to respond to that."
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Old 03-30-2019, 02:08 PM
 
Location: Endless Concert
1,735 posts, read 1,178,344 times
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Please share your experiences when you didn't know how to respond, what to say when ...

Last edited by 70's Music Girl; 03-30-2019 at 02:40 PM..
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Old 03-30-2019, 02:38 PM
 
Location: Endless Concert
1,735 posts, read 1,178,344 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
OP, I think it's unusual that people would blurt these things out. I've never heard of the first two happening. Usually only a close friend, not a mere acquaintance, would admit she'd married the wrong person.

As to the third situation, I think you handle it fine. If they persist, you could say, "Perhaps you'd enjoy interviewing someone else. I just saw someone I want to talk to. 'Bye. " and walk away.

Or you could say, "Oh, are you taking a survey? What's your project about?" Stare at them expectantly, while they sputter and turn bright red. Then find an excuse to leave. But really, I find your response more straightforward and direct, as far as indicating they've committed a faux pas goes.
Thank you for your message.

Yes, it is unusual that people say these things.

People feel comfortable telling me all kinds of things, not that I care to hear everything. I've noticed there's been people I don't know that well that start telling me too much.

I was a little surprised, too, when this acquaintance said she wished she married someone else. Actually, she has said it in conversation more than once. Maybe she's been contemplating divorce. She's a really sweet person but doesn't really talk with much of a "filter" and also will start asking a little too many direct questions.

There's been quite a few times when parents have mentioned they didn't know what they were getting in to having kids and regret it. So sad.

I will remember your suggestion to respond with interviewing someone else, or are you taking a survey and walk away. Walking away is a great tip to remember when people are talking inappropriately.

I did say to this one acquaintance when the questioning was too much, maybe you should have your own talk show, she wasn't really fazed by by that.

Please share your experiences when you didn't know how to respond, what to say when ...
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Old 03-30-2019, 03:06 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,915 posts, read 14,406,502 times
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When someone blurts out something awkward, I tend to say nothing, unless I have a strong friendship with them. But I don’t have the number of experiences you seem to have.

But, in my experience, when you don’t know what to say, it is best to say little or nothing. I have blurted out responses I wish I could take back. Based on those experiences, I think it is best to be quiet.
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Old 03-30-2019, 03:13 PM
 
3,604 posts, read 1,646,978 times
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It was an artists luncheon at a friends house and one woman started to share something very personal about her husband she was not happy about and nobody said anything ,embarrassed. I simply said “whoa, too much information” and she shut up and apologized later.
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Old 03-30-2019, 03:18 PM
 
3,604 posts, read 1,646,978 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 70's Music Girl View Post
Please share your experiences when you didn't know how to respond, what to say when ...
It hasnít happened often but when it has I find my facial expression makes it clear I donít want the conversation to go further. Itís not a conscious thing, just my automatic reaction to too much info, except the time at the luncheon and had I not said something she would have gone into further excruciating detail and we were eating
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