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First of all, I wouldn't let some classmate of mine back in HS cut my hair in the very 1st place, so I sure wouldn't befriend someone who cut a big chunk of my hair.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Azureth
But we were all teenagers, teens do all sorts of dumb and stupid stuff.
Uh, speak for YOURSELF. I am so sick of various people using the "I was young & dumb" excuse for everything! I was 13, 16, 18, 21 too like everyone else & I NEVER, EVER caused my parents or teachers ONE bit of trouble. Anyone can ask ANY of them right this second & I'd have nothing to hide. I never got into trouble w/ the law either & can count on 1 hand the # of traffic tickets I got to this day & I'm in my mid-40s. I never ever smoked, drank, did drugs in my entire life...never had a party, never snuck out at night, etc., etc.
ALSO, people don't need to do something bad to finally learn that something is not good to do. If they'd just listen to their parents &/or have good common sense, they wouldn't get wrapped up in it in the 1st place. For example, I don't need to drink, get drunk, hit someone, get a DUI, etc., then figure out, "oh, whoops, guess I shouldn't have done that."
I'm not bragging here. I'm just saying there are a LOT of sensible, down-to-earth, smart, mature YOUNG people out there w/ a good head on their shoulders who never got in trouble (& you don't have to finally be 30 to be mature). Also on the other end of it, just because people are elderly, doesn't make them automatically wise either. There's dumb, old people out there too. It's how one was raised, instilled good values, morals, ethics, taught to respect, etc.
It doesn't matter if she gave you a Valentine card before you assaulted her, back when you were in school. That was then, and things have changed. You are refusing to accept the reality of your life.
Azureth, I've read your previous posts and I know you are now experiencing memory problems that have started recently and you posted about that happening in addition to your other disabilities. I remember when you were posting under a different name a year and a half or more ago and you told your exact same story about this girl whose hair you had cut in school. When you posted about it at that time you had not yet asked her out for a date, you had not yet even had a conversation with her in years (since the end of school), and you were asking the forum for opinions about having a conversation with her at some kind of reunion and maybe asking her out on a date.
Everybody on the forum who responded to your thread then told you to leave her alone at the reunion, don't talk to her, don't ask her out, and they all explained why. And you argued about it then too.
Azureth, you say you wish the woman would give you a chance and go out with you, but I ask you this - what redeeming qualities would you bring to the table that would make it worth her while to date you and consider you as a potential mate? When most young women her age are dating men it's because they are looking ahead to the future, they are looking for good husband and father material - a man who is independent, hale and hearty, fit and healthy both physically and mentally, who has a good, reliable job, is financially stable and will be able to support a wife and children in a home of their own, who represents good prospects for the future.
The things you never mentioned in your previous thread about her, and that you aren't mentioning now and are avoiding thinking about, is that you are none of those things -http://www.city-data.com/forum/work-employment/2902894-feel-if-i-dont-have-much.html#post51446234 - you were born with "arthrogryposis multiplex congenita" causing physical disabilities that you require assistance with, plus now you have recently occurring memory problems, (maybe that's why you don't remember posting about this before) said problems that all render you unfit and unable to work probably for the rest of your life. You've never had a job, you are financially unstable, live on SSDI which pays your rent and your father pays for all the rest of your expenses. You need a home health aide or other caregiver to assist you with your personal care because of your physical disabilities and you will need that personal care for the rest of your life too.
Sorry hon, and I realize it must be very depressing for you, but you have to face up to the reality that the majority of young women who are husband hunting are not going to deem it worth their while to go out on any dates with you because you would never have been considered suitable husband material right from the starting gate. That particular girl from 14 years ago that you're posting about is not going to give you a chance because she went to school with you and already knows you and your disabilities too well, and that's regardless of the fact that you once assaulted her with a deadly weapon when you were in school, and she's never going to forget that. Years later you still don't see what was the harm in your action and you still make light of it and argue about it.
You need to channel your energies in a completely different direction and forget about that girl. See if you can expand you social circle and find some other women that you can at least be friends with without you expecting to get romantically involved. Look for some kind of work to do that isn't effected by your physical disabilities and that can supplement your income that you get from SSI and your dad. Get some hobbies. Stop obsessing about that girl. It's dangerous to obsess about people.
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You're completely right, I guess I am just kind of depressed over everything. Honestly, I don't know why I cut her hair back then, I just saw the scissors, picked them up and cut her hair. I feel horrible that I did that, I can still remember her, very understandably crying big time. I just feel lost, feel awful and feel like I don't have any direction and no real purpose.
It doesn't matter if she gave you a Valentine card before you assaulted her, back when you were in school. That was then, and things have changed. You are refusing to accept the reality of your life.
Azureth, I've read your previous posts and I know you are now experiencing memory problems that have started recently and you posted about that happening in addition to your other disabilities. I remember when you were posting under a different name a year and a half or more ago and you told your exact same story about this girl whose hair you had cut in school. When you posted about it at that time you had not yet asked her out for a date, you had not yet even had a conversation with her in years (since the end of school), and you were asking the forum for opinions about having a conversation with her at some kind of reunion and maybe asking her out on a date.
Everybody on the forum who responded to your thread then told you to leave her alone at the reunion, don't talk to her, don't ask her out, and they all explained why. And you argued about it then too.
Azureth, you say you wish the woman would give you a chance and go out with you, but I ask you this - what redeeming qualities would you bring to the table that would make it worth her while to date you and consider you as a potential mate? When most young women her age are dating men it's because they are looking ahead to the future, they are looking for good husband and father material - a man who is independent, hale and hearty, fit and healthy both physically and mentally, who has a good, reliable job, is financially stable and will be able to support a wife and children in a home of their own, who represents good prospects for the future.
The things you never mentioned in your previous thread about her, and that you aren't mentioning now and are avoiding thinking about, is that you are none of those things -http://www.city-data.com/forum/work-employment/2902894-feel-if-i-dont-have-much.html#post51446234 - you were born with "arthrogryposis multiplex congenita" causing physical disabilities that you require assistance with, plus now you have recently occurring memory problems, (maybe that's why you don't remember posting about this before) said problems that all render you unfit and unable to work probably for the rest of your life. You've never had a job, you are financially unstable, live on SSDI which pays your rent and your father pays for all the rest of your expenses. You need a home health aide or other caregiver to assist you with your personal care because of your physical disabilities and you will need that personal care for the rest of your life too.
Sorry hon, and I realize it must be very depressing for you, but you have to face up to the reality that the majority of young women who are husband hunting are not going to deem it worth their while to go out on any dates with you because you would never have been considered suitable husband material right from the starting gate. That particular girl from 14 years ago that you're posting about is not going to give you a chance because she went to school with you and already knows you and your disabilities too well, and that's regardless of the fact that you once assaulted her with a deadly weapon when you were in school, and she's never going to forget that. Years later you still don't see what was the harm in your action and you still make light of it and argue about it.
You need to channel your energies in a completely different direction and forget about that girl. See if you can expand you social circle and find some other women that you can at least be friends with without you expecting to get romantically involved. Look for some kind of work to do that isn't effected by your physical disabilities and that can supplement your income that you get from SSI and your dad. Get some hobbies. Stop obsessing about that girl. It's dangerous to obsess about people.
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While you may be right about the OP I find it odd that to you there is so much emphasis on "husband hunting" down to the specifics of the future, physical, emotional and financial health and raising children. It occurs to me that many thirty somethings date because they want to and are content to create their own lives independently of such expectations.
Thanks to you and others who remembered reading this story previously. I was beginning to think I was experiencing my own private Groundhog's Day...
OP: Many years have passed since this incident. Time to let it go and move on.
Nothing good is going to come of rehashing it here, or from letting it obsess you in real life. Chalk your bad behavior up to teenage idiocy, and make an effort to live in the present rather than obsessing over the past.
But surely after all these years we have all grown up. Is it really that much to ask her for a date?
Yes, and you asking that means you have a long way to go to even begin to understand what you have done. Obviously, you have no idea. Minimizing the impact won't erase what the other person has felt. Accepting your apologies won't change any of that.
Edit: I did read about your condition and that is not great, to say the least, but there's not much you can do about it. Move on, you need to find someone who can help you and maybe some friends to get a social life. Being romantically involved will not be easy for you.
I just read back over this and the OP's other posts, and was reminded about his arthrogryposis. I know several children and young teens with this condition, and understand how limiting it can be, but that accommodations and specialized/individualized tools and equipment can be very helpful for activities of daily living.
OP, you mentioned that you are mobile, and you have some use of your arm or arms (I'd add that you seem to be able to operate scissors, so at least one hand must work reasonably well). You also mentioned driving an adapted car, but that while you could manage TV dinners, etc., you could not cook. You also said you could get into the shower, but could not reach to wash yourself. Have you tried soapy sponges on sticks, to help compensate? Get the sponge on a stick, then spray it with liquid soap, then see what you can manage. If your hands operate fairly well but you can't bend your arms very far, the stick will compensate and widen your range of motion.
I also wonder about cooking. Not that I'd expect you to put a Christmas dinner on the table or engage in gourmet cooking, but there are many simple dishes that don't require a lot of fine muscle control or flexibility., and again, adapted utensils would allow you to do more than you can "bare-handed".
Perhaps long-handed tongs would let you make toast or frozen French toast using a drop-in toaster, if your hands or elbows are the problem. Use spray-bottled margarine in place of butter or margarine that requires slicing. Is your inability to cook lack of knowledge of how to cook, or is it difficult because of your physical condition, or is it a combination? If it's mainly the first, find some four ingredient cookbooks and see what looks feasible.
Can you operate an electric can-opener? How about a microwave - can you set it, open and close the door, and put things in and take them out? Can you open cabinet and refrigerator doors? Could you do these things if you had a way to extend your reach? Perhaps a specialized tool that could grasp knobs or handles? If cabinet doors are a problem, well, no one says cabinets absolutely HAVE to have doors.
A good occupational therapist could help you figure out successful ways to deal with activities of daily living, and also help you locate and try out various adaptations like the tongs and sponge on a stick I mentioned. No doubt they would have additional suggestions to make things easier and more productive. So if you haven't seen an OT for a while, talk to your doctor about it and get it authorized. It should cost you very little, perhaps nothing more than paying for adapted items.
It's clear you'd very much like to have a fulfilling job, and would also like a romantic connection. Both of these things are not entirely within your own control, as they involve others. But self-sufficiency IS something you can work on, with some help as suggested above. Being able to do more for yourself will help you feel better about yourself. Arthrogryposis is tough, no two ways about it - but with determination plus a little creativity, it doesn't have to get the better of you.
You can also join or at least check out the groups others have suggested - they may offer interesting acquaintances that could become friends. Don't overlook additional groups that are not specific to people with arthrogryposis, but focus on various topics of interest. Check your local meet-up and your public library for such groups (check out books and other materials while you're there, too). A good mainstream church may have activities of interest as well.
You mentioned memory loss. Do see your doctor about that. It may be something that is worsened by having many days that seem similar, so you cannot recall just when things occurred or repeat yourself when communicating with others. Or it may be something more serious. In any case, get it checked out.
Good wishes to you. I hope you will follow up on some of these ideas, and that your life will be enriched as a result.
Edited to add that the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia (CHOP) is the go-to place for kids with arthrogryposis. They don't work with adults as far as I know, but would be able to direct you to the best place for treatment, so get in touch with them and see what they suggest.
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