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I don't believe in "buying" dogs. I am looking to adopt though. Haven't found the right one yet.
This is why you don’t have many friends. This person was trying to be nice and you have to snark back at him. As you have done to many of the posts on this thread.
Yes this is a judgement. No I’m not projecting. Yes I’m Awesome most of the time, and have some very good long time friends. Please get some help for your inner child or whatever you say is so hurt.
This is why you don’t have many friends. This person was trying to be nice and you have to snark back at him. As you have done to many of the posts on this thread.
Yes this is a judgement. No I’m not projecting. Yes I’m Awesome most of the time, and have some very good long time friends. Please get some help for your inner child or whatever you say is so hurt.
Ha ha. There was nothing wrong with my response. He told me to "buy a dog," and I responded that I don't buy, I adopt (or rescue). It's an important issue for me - and I have been dealing with it all day, so I just noted I don't buy, I adopt.
I am glad you are so awesome. Congrats.
I am just a regular person - pluses and minuses.
Making fun of my "inner child" isn't that nice though.
Ha ha. There was nothing wrong with my response. He told me to "buy a dog," and I responded that I don't buy, I adopt (or rescue). It's an important issue for me - and I have been dealing with it all day, so I just noted I don't buy, I adopt.
I am glad you are so awesome. Congrats.
I am just a regular person - pluses and minuses.
Making fun of my "inner child" isn't that nice though.
You didn’t have to say anything at all about not believing in buying a dog- you could have let it go—
Just like you didn’t have to jump on other posters who make suggestions telling them they are projecting.
Biting back at people certainly will never win you any friends.
I Didn’t make fun of your inner child’s- just suggested you get help— I went back and read a bunch of your posts.
You are not like any regular person I’ve ever known. No one I’ve known would be upset because her kids went and had fun together and didn’t include the mom. Sometimes adult children don’t want their parents with them.
You aren’t going to meet someone who will automatically share their innermost feelings with you. A”heart level” friend- your words- takes time and trust. You say that you have had a lot of friends but got rid of them for legitimate reasons. All I can say is that you, or they, must not have been real friends- if most of them are now gone.
You leave out pertinent info in your questions, then jump on the posters who draw an obvious conclusion, then tell some other facts that seem to extricate you from being in the wrong.
I hope you can find something that makes you happy.
After a friend disappointed me - again - a counselor I was seeing told me that I needed to lower my expectations of that friend. it took a couple of years before I really understood that.
This friend and I are friends again. I have different expectations of her now, and within those boundaries, our friendship is great now.
I'm finally learning, though, to think twice before tossing someone out of my life. I do think it's important to have good boundaries first, so you don't just keep losers around for the sake of having friends. But, beyond that, it's true that people aren't perfect. If they're more perfect than not, overall, you might want to think twice before tossing them away.
She went to a lot of trouble to do that. Purchased something, mailed it. It was very thoughtful. Usually "friends" are the only people who do thoughtful things like that. My relatives didn't even do that (well, they did send flowers). It's been a few months since my dog transitioned, so it wasn't just to acknowledge the death. It was a "remembrance" (the ornament says the animal left "paw prints on my heart." It's very cute and wasn't cheap.
no. Not only "friends" send you things like this
It could be an acquaintance and heard about what happened and just did it on a whim.
Ha ha. There was nothing wrong with my response. He told me to "buy a dog," and I responded that I don't buy, I adopt (or rescue). It's an important issue for me - and I have been dealing with it all day, so I just noted I don't buy, I adopt.
I am glad you are so awesome. Congrats.
I am just a regular person - pluses and minuses.
Making fun of my "inner child" isn't that nice though.
Oh dear. That poster was quoting the old axiom, "if you want a friend, buy a dog." Once again, your reaction was completely off. Your communication issues have always been clear through your postings.
Hey nobodysbusiness, I get how you feel. It's tough.
Maybe this friend has lot of friends and tries to split her time with all of them. Maybe she knows that her friends and you wouldn't mesh well. Feel free to ask her about this (if you don't feel comfortable asking her this, then that's an indication that you're putting too much stock into the friendship.)
If you know that she's purposely leaving you out, that's one thing. If you aren't sure, ask her.
Also, if you're annoyed or feeling something is off about not being invited, the best thing to do I think is to just invite her yourself to some things. She doesn't necessarily have to accept, but just see how she responds. People miss stuff from time to time, but if she doesn't respond to like 5 things in a row or something like that, then you have your answer.
If you've already made some initiation and there isn't some reasonable reciprocation back, then you should just fade away from her. As much as yourself or I may want to tell someone like her that you don't want to be friends anymore, that is not the best way to go generally as we all make mistakes, maybe didn't really mean to or didn't know any better either. If the person obviously meant to be mean to you, then it's okay to push them away like that.
So far, it sounds like she's a friend, but maybe currently not that great, deep friendship some of us want. Maybe it could become that. Usually, if something doesn't continue to develop, it doesn't get that deep ever, but it could. Just don't have high expectations, but keep your door open and keep looking around.
Also, if your efforts turn out to be or seem fruitless after awhile, you can just disconnect from the person or allow them to meet you at your convenience. I wouldn't shut the door, but you know the balance isn't enough quality, create standards for the relationship that allow that quality to develop and that withhold your social integrity. If the person then comes back to you to ask you/tell you you haven't been contacting them, then that gives you room to tell them why.
In the mean time, look for other people to build connections with. Good luck!
Last edited by chessimprov; 12-17-2019 at 09:51 AM..
I wrote about the crude, opportunistic friend in another post . . . which made me think of this friend.
This is also someone I used to work with many moons ago. I got an ornament in the mail from her yesterday with a card. My dog died recently. It was a very nice gesture and I messaged her to thank her.
I haven't been encouraging this friend for a few years because of a couple of incidents.
She lives kind of far away from me, but has a vacation home near me. Whenever she would come to stay in the house, she would notify me - until she didn't. One time, I saw a posting on FB on a holiday - she was at a restaurant I had told her I was dying to go to - and she was with other friends I have met. I didn't get an invite, and was hurt. There was another holiday and a similar incident (she went to see fireworks with these other friends and I heard about it later).
I am a very emotional person and she is not. She brought that up one time - that she has a hard time talking about personal/emotional stuff. To me, that is what friendship is all about.
I don't want to say "I don't want to be friends with you because you are unemotional and you and your other friends went places I would have liked to have been invited to go." It just seems dumb and petty and the part about her being unemotional seems judgmental.
So I have withdrawn any energy from her - but now, she has reached out to me again through this ornament, and I "should" invite her to come visit me, but I don't feel I can be 100% myself around her and I don't trust her to not exclude me again. I realize in writing this how childish it sounds!!!
How do you know she wasn't invited by other friends and felt weird about asking you along?
You need to seriously get a grip. A person who went through that kind of trouble when your dog died is likely a good friend. But even the best of friends don't always do everything with each other.
You didn’t have to say anything at all about not believing in buying a dog- you could have let it go—
Just like you didn’t have to jump on other posters who make suggestions telling them they are projecting.
Biting back at people certainly will never win you any friends.
I Didn’t make fun of your inner child’s- just suggested you get help— I went back and read a bunch of your posts.
You are not like any regular person I’ve ever known. No one I’ve known would be upset because her kids went and had fun together and didn’t include the mom. Sometimes adult children don’t want their parents with them.
You aren’t going to meet someone who will automatically share their innermost feelings with you. A”heart level” friend- your words- takes time and trust. You say that you have had a lot of friends but got rid of them for legitimate reasons. All I can say is that you, or they, must not have been real friends- if most of them are now gone.
You leave out pertinent info in your questions, then jump on the posters who draw an obvious conclusion, then tell some other facts that seem to extricate you from being in the wrong.
I hope you can find something that makes you happy.
In 12 step programs, what you are doing is called "taking my inventory." You went and read some of my posts for some reason and now think you know me - but you don't (and I don't know you or why you would do that).
I do often respond when I feel attacked. That's just my personality.
Oh dear. That poster was quoting the old axiom, "if you want a friend, buy a dog." Once again, your reaction was completely off. Your communication issues have always been clear through your postings.
I wonder what it is about you that feels the need to bash another person who is trying to understand things, though?
I'm doing my best and am learning every day.
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