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If it's for a short time and you don't want to deal with it and you'd rather sort of fudge it...not a bad thing...just say your seasonal allergies are bothering you...you have a terrible headache/earache....so sorry I have to ask you to leave.
If it's for a short time and you don't want to deal with it and you'd rather sort of fudge it...not a bad thing...just say your seasonal allergies are bothering you...you have a terrible headache/earache....so sorry I have to ask you to leave....as you walk her to t he door. Do not feel bad about a firm arm around her back as you move toward the door.
For all we know, he's the reason she doesn't want to go home...
Also, why speak to this woman's husband, as if she's a child and he's a parent who needs to be notified of and rectify his kid's behavior? Is this friend a grown-arse adult or not? If she isn't mature as an adult should be such that her husband needs to be consulted to keep her in line, or if she can't understand/respect boundaries in a way the OP doesn't like, it sounds like it's time for the friendship to end. And if OP can't scrape together the huevos to have a difficult conversation with her friend, why push off the duty on the husband, who isn't even involved in this situation?
Read what the OP said in her original post. OP did not say that the mother of the child is her friend. They are not friends. OP said that the child's GRANDPARENTS are on friendly terms with her, and she never indicated that she has had any problems with the grandparents hanging around beyond their welcome. The grandparents, who usually pick up the child because both parents are working, are away right now. The mother is filling in for the grandparents in picking up her own child after work.
If the husband is the reason the mother doesn't want to go home that is still not the OP's problem and whatever else the woman's motives might be, it's still none of the OP's business nor her problem.
The woman IS acting like a reluctant child by imposing herself on the OP and becoming "burdensome" on her (OP's own word). The woman is refusing to recognize the OP's boundaries and both the subtle and blatant hints that OP (a relative stranger) has given her that she needs to leave. If the woman refuses to recognize hints to leave and doesn't want to go home then it's the husband's problem or the grandparent's problem to deal with. And the grandparents are away. That leaves the husband to deal with it. His wife, his child that needs to be babysat ..... his problems.
Another alternative is that the OP could stop babysitting the child and the child's parents can find another babysitter for their child.
Read what the OP said in her original post. OP did not say that the mother of the child is her friend. They are not friends. OP said that the child's GRANDPARENTS are on friendly terms with her, and she never indicated that she has had any problems with the grandparents hanging around beyond their welcome. The grandparents, who usually pick up the child because both parents are working, are away right now. The mother is filling in for the grandparents in picking up her own child after work.
If the husband is the reason the mother doesn't want to go home that is still not the OP's problem and whatever else the woman's motives might be, it's still none of the OP's business nor her problem.
The woman IS acting like a reluctant child by imposing herself on the OP and becoming "burdensome" on her (OP's own word). The woman is refusing to recognize the OP's boundaries and both the subtle and blatant hints that OP (a relative stranger) has given her that she needs to leave. If the woman refuses to recognize hints to leave and doesn't want to go home then it's the husband's problem or the grandparent's problem to deal with. And the grandparents are away. That leaves the husband to deal with it. His wife, his problem.
Another alternative is that the OP could stop babysitting the child after school and the child's parents can find another babysitter for their child.
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Okay, I read the first sentence as "friend's daughter," not 'daughter's friend."
And no, I don't care if this woman has home problems either. Just pointing out that recruiting the husband as if she's a wayward child, just because OP might not want to say something to her directly, isn't usually the best way to handle an adult relationship.
She's probably lonely. So it's best to be nice. She's not meaning to be malicious. She thinks OP wants to chitty chat like she does. In her head, she is caught up in whatever topics and not cognizant of OPs need to get on with her day.
She's probably lonely. So it's best to be nice. She's not meaning to be malicious. She thinks OP wants to chitty chat like she does. In her head, she is caught up in whatever topics and not cognizant of OPs need to get on with her day.
That's the first thing people say, but that's not always the case. I had a conversation about this a few years ago on here regarding the woman I then called my "stalker neighbor". She's an older woman (older than ME, lol--I am 61 and she is 79) and everyone leapt to the conclusion that she was some poor lonely old lady. It simply was not true. She knows more people than God, has three local adult children, grandchildren, is the head of the woman's group at the church, does "inkum tax" for people in the neighborhood (that's how she says it, and it cracks me up), is the president of our condo board association, and knows everyone in the town, but still, she would not stop showing up at my door unannounced and never leaving. She would pull up behind me grinning when I got home from work, as if she was waiting around the corner, watching. (Found out later an old bat who sits in front of the first unit all day was calling to tell her I had just gotten home.) Finally one day she said, "I bet you feel like you have a stalker." I said, "That is exactly how I feel." That knocked the grin off her face, and then she stopped showing up after I got home from work.
Some people are just plain clueless and need to be told straight up "YOU HAVE TO LEAVE". I have now known this friend for eight or nine years, and most of the time I go to her house to have a glass or play cards or watch a movie, and I will leave around 11 p.m. because that's when I want to go home. She has never--HEAR ME, NEVER EVER--left my house without me having to say, "You have to go now. It's time for you to go home." At that point I know I have another 15 minutes or so of her before she is actually out the door. And then she makes idiotic jokes about what an old lady I am.
She has some good qualities. She likes to cook for me. She used to sit for my cats when I had them. She takes in my mail when I'm away. She'll do nice things for people. But she does not understand how intrusive her behavior is, and she never will.
It's not curable. There is no picking up on hints. These types are not going to learn social graces at this point if they haven't learned them before. You just have to say it outright and bluntly: "YOU HAVE TO LEAVE NOW".
Don't worry about being "polite" or not hurting feelings. These types don't have the ability to understand that you are annoyed.
Sometimes, people need the truth, but it can be done in a nice way. It's kind of the difference between being assertive, and being aggressive.
"Jane, this is a crazy time of day for me. I'm getting supper on the table, John will be home soon, I need to help Debbie with her homework...I just don't have time to chat. Maybe one of these days, we can meet up for a drink, with no interruptions! Have a good evening!" As you herd her out the door.
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