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I'm sure we all know somebody who has habits that they show often enough... to the point it just drives us insane.
I'll start.
I have a friend I'll name Michael. Married, 3 kids. Mike is a good guy... generous, hosts dinners, etc. But he has this really bad habit that has annoyed the crap out of me.
PUNCTUALITY is not part of his vocabulary.... to him, being 30 minutes late is not too bad.
I now drive. But until recently, I didn't, so many times he would come to my house and pick me up (and drive me back). I was always grateful, but often he would agree to pick me up at a certain time and even say "Sprawling, you better be ready by 6, got it?" almost with a condescending tone.
And then, come 6:30PM... nothing. Once he was nearly 1 full hour late. He averaged 30-40 minutes of lateness several times.
But, what irritated me even more is that he never called me to inform me he'd be late. sure, things can happen... tire... accident... unexpected traffic... family emergency. But none of this ever occurred... he would just be late. So I would call and he'd say, "oh I'm almost there."
Mike and I have actually grown apart due to this (and other habits of his). But another reason that I now call and hang out w/ Mike much less now is that I've become close to Jake, who is also a friend of Mike's. Jake too has 3 children, but he's rarely ever late and if he is, he calls and his lateness is never more than 10 minutes.
Jake told me that, once, on a Sunday afternoon, Mike called Jake and invited him to meet his family at a park so the children could all play together. Jake thought it was a great idea, and went to the park. Mike was late. 1 hour passes. MOre than 1 hour. And no sign of Mike.
Jake calls Mike and Mike says, “actually Jake I'm kinda tired, so I think I'll just go home...." and Mike never shows up.
Other such incidents were common... and I started to stop calling Mike... Jake was much easier to deal with (not to mention a more fun buddy to hang out with). I have to say though... I thought people couldn't be that rude. Boy was I wrong.
Since I really don't have any "buddies" I hang out with... I stick with the co-workers. One problem I have is people who feel it's their patriotic duty to interrupt or interject themselves into every conversation. If they aren't included into it, it's just not valid. Drives me up the wall. To me, if you want to include me in the conversation, you'll invite my opinion or something.
The second thing is when talking about different viewpoints, taking the road that being right is more important than just moving on to another topic. I can understand if the discussion is whether you are actually going to release nuclear weapons on another country (with your finger on the button)... but c'mon!! People who continually go over and over and over and over... beating the subject into a slow death just to be "right" over just saying "let's agree to disagree" to end the debate.
Worst of all is when they combine the two ... NOT that I have anyone like that at work, of course!
I'm with you Sprawling. People who are chronically late are the rudest mother*****s on the entire planet.
Seriously, if you have difficulty showing up on time, it's not some little personality tic. It is a character flaw. For what you're doing is either showing contempt for the person you're supposed to meet, or indulging in some weird, passive aggressive power game. Neither one of which makes you an attractive person.
No, I'm not being harsh, either. I'm leveling with you. This is how the world views you. And it's time you knew.
What? Do you think that person has nothing better to do with his or her time than wait on you? Are you so dysfunctional that you can't get your act together? Time is the stuff that life is made of, and by being late, you're forcing the punctual person to squander his.
In business, it's intolerable. If I have an appointment with a vendor or a client, and I'm cooling my heels in the lobby for more than fifteen minutes without somebody coming out to explain an unavoidable delay, I leave. If it's a vendor, then he doesn't have his act together and doesn't need my business. If it's a client, he just learned a lesson in professionalism. My skills and my time are too valuable to spend it perusing a two-year-old issue of Rock & Quarry Magazine in your lobby.
In personal relationships, it destroys trust. I dated a woman who was routinely 30-45 minutes late for a date. She'd tell me what time to meet her, then breeze in half an hour later with some half-baked apology. I put up with this two or three times, then just started leaving after twenty minutes. After all, if she respects me enough to go out with me, then she respects me enough to not keep me waiting forever, or at least to call.
So, if you're routinely 10 minutes late to everything, really think about the effect it has on others.
I can't stand devil's advocates. There are enough people to p*ss me off - no need to get that from a friend. If I'm ranting about something and you disagree, just shut up. Naturally, those are only males...
1) People who have this compulsion to one-up anything anybody says. For example:
Person 1: Last year, my wife and I went to Venice for our anniversary. We had a wonderful time.
Person 2: [Normal conversation] Really? That's great. We've been, too. What did you like the most about it?
Person 2: [Psychopathic one-upper] Venice? That's nice but, it's soooo touristy. You know, the real cool places to go now are along the Dalmatian. I'm surprised there isn't a TFIFriday's in Venice, now. (Person 2 continues to slight every single experience Person 1 enjoyed in Venice, including how much he tipped the gondolier)
2) People who never learned that conversation is where one person speaks, the second person actually listens, and then speaks in a responsive manner. In short, their motto should be, "That's nice. Now getting back to me...." These are not people who want conversations. Instead, they want soliloquies. To wit:
Person 1: Last weekend a tree fell in our yard. The tree people had to get a wood chipper out there and cut it up. It was a hell of a mess.
Person 2: [Normal conversation] Really, Frank? Man, that's a bummer. Well, at least it didn't fall on your house. That would have been even worse....
Person 2: [Psychopathic soliloquy addict] You know, growing up, I remember I had this friend who owned a wood chipper. Man we would take that thing around and make soooo much money on the weekends. It was this big diesel job that ran for hours and hours on end, so much that I had to wear earplugs. In fact, Joe nearly got sucked into it once, the weekend before I went to flight school in Pensacola. Man, Pensacola was a great town to go to because.... (Conversation continues to center around Person 2's boring-ass air force stories until he either runs out of breath or Person 1 plunges a sharp, steely object into Person 2's heart)
Location: Visitation between Wal-Mart & Home Depot
8,309 posts, read 38,779,335 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ
I can't stand devil's advocates. There are enough people to p*ss me off - no need to get that from a friend. If I'm ranting about something and you disagree, just shut up. Naturally, those are only males...
Just playing devil's advocate here, but if you're ranting about something that a rational friend who is not influenced by the same strong emotions that you are (naturally a male) can see that you are clearly in the wrong, isn't it his responsibility to act as the voice of reason?
I'm right there with you cpg and OP. I turn into a b**** when someone is making me late. Now I just say you have 5 mins....or your riding by yourself. I have this friend that repeats everything she said in a different way. It annoys the hell out of me. Samething she said.....she just turned it around or tweaked it alittle but it's still the same damn scenario. She also talks alot....which I don't mind when I have nothing else to do but I mind it when the conversation isn't going anywhere it's just the same thing over and over again.
I have a friend who I never hear from, unless she is wanting help with something. It would be nice to hear from her every once in awhile, just to see how she is doing...
I'm with you Sprawling. People who are chronically late are the rudest mother*****s on the entire planet.
Seriously, if you have difficulty showing up on time, it's not some little personality tic. It is a character flaw. For what you're doing is either showing contempt for the person you're supposed to meet, or indulging in some weird, passive aggressive power game. Neither one of which makes you an attractive person.
No, I'm not being harsh, either. I'm leveling with you. This is how the world views you. And it's time you knew.
What? Do you think that person has nothing better to do with his or her time than wait on you? Are you so dysfunctional that you can't get your act together? Time is the stuff that life is made of, and by being late, you're forcing the punctual person to squander his.
In business, it's intolerable. If I have an appointment with a vendor or a client, and I'm cooling my heels in the lobby for more than fifteen minutes without somebody coming out to explain an unavoidable delay, I leave. If it's a vendor, then he doesn't have his act together and doesn't need my business. If it's a client, he just learned a lesson in professionalism. My skills and my time are too valuable.
In personal relationships, it destroys trust. I dated a woman who was routinely 30-45 minutes late for a date. She'd tell me what time to meet her, then breeze in half an hour later with some half-baked apology. I put up with this two or three times, then just started leaving after twenty minutes. After all, if she respects me enough to go out with me, then she respects me enough to not keep me waiting forever, or at least to call.
So, if you're routinely 10 minutes late to everything, really think about the effect it has on others.
I hear ya.
Not to brag, but I'm pretty punctual. Was I ever late? I admit I have been; in younger years. Adult life, business experience... all taught me that being on time is important. Certainly, unexpected events do throw wrenches in even the most perfectly planned schedules. If a date I'm supposed to meet gets into a car crash, I'm not going to be mad at her that some ******* rear-ended her and sent her to the hospital. But you get my point.
Mike did this so often that even Jake, who is not as blunt or as temperamental as I am, confided to me over drinks that things like this makes people "lose credibility."
Let me tell you two examples of how Mike was late... I was somewhat involved with the first, and Jake directly involved with the second.
2 years ago somebody Mike and Jake and I both know got married, but Jake wasn't invited. The wedding was nearly 1 hour away, and since Mike and I lived (and still do live) close to each other (and since I did not have a car then), Mike offered to pick me up.
I politely declined. I planned out a public transportation trip ... a combination of metro and commuter rail which would've gotten me to the wedding hall's area early. And, my schedule worked perfectly. There, I was picked up by another close friend, Bobby (Bobby and I are close; I'm close to Jake too. Bobby has distanced himself from Mike and is on friendly terms with Jake).
Bobby drove us to the wedding hall... where we encountered a 45-minute delay. Guests crowded in the lobby... and eventually the wedding started.
Mike did not show up on time EVEN THOUGH THE WEDDING WAS 45 MINUTES LATE!
Then, the wedding ceremony continues... no sign of Mike. The wedding ceremony ends. Drinks start. I was worried by now... did something happen? I call Mike. His wife picks up the cell. They were "lost." And arrive only on time for dinner. (Turns out they found the wedding hall, but it was nighttime when they got to the area, and got lost... In other words, even with a 45-minute event delay, Mike couldn't get there on time, and thanks to his poor driving, he missed the entire wedding ceremony. I was glad I chose commuter rail & a pick up by Bobby rather than to go with Mike).
Then, the same year, Mike and Jake vacationed together to a foreign country. Both had 2 children only at that time. Anyway, on the day they had to return to the USA, Mike was late. He actually was taking a shower in the morning at a time the 2 families had to check out. Jake's family was ready to go, luggage ready... waiting for Mike. Mike comes down, they check out... and miss the plane. When Jake told me this story I was flabbergasted... this isn't something I could NOT see Mike do, but I didn't think something like this would actually happen.
Mike did apologize, but according to Jake, Mike's apology was... "mild." He didn't seem to realize the seriousness of what had happened.
Jake even recently joked to his wife in my presence, "honey if we ever vacation w/ Sprawling we'll never go through that; Sprawling is very punctual."
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There are enough people to p*ss me off - no need to get that from a friend. If I'm ranting about something and you disagree, just shut up. Naturally, those are only males...
