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Start off. There is a lot of old drama between me and my father's wife/her family. A few examples: her then 15yr old daughter tried to push my grandmother down a flight of stairs; same daughter pulled a knife on my father; same daughter vandalized my vehicle by etching "b*tch" into the DS window with a razor (done in retaliation to the next example..); 2nd old son pulled a stolen handgun on my husband and shot it off at him (and was, FORTUNATELY, a bad enough aim with enough distance to NOT hit him!!) - he did go to jail that night; all children have stolen from my father, and 2 oldest have criminal records. My father chooses to stay in this marriage, that is his business. His wife chooses to either deny her precious children would do such a thing or blame everyone else for their behavior. For example, the razor etch in my truck.. I was accused of doing it to my own truck because I was "out to get them" (I lived out of state, truck was at my dad's for a week so I could get a plate on it, I had just bought it!), and the gun fiasco was blamed on me because I called the cops and he got arrested, so I was "trying to break her family apart."
Whatever.
I wiped my hands clean. I made the decision that I do not need this kind of drama in my life or these kind of people. My father chooses that lifestyle, that is fine. I will visit him away from them.
My sister, however, was to "be friends" with everyone. I did tell her very clearly after the truck got vandalized that I was not going to have any part of their lives. If she wanted me to visit her, that was fine, but absolutely do not expect me to visit with them and pretend that the history we have has never happened. I am done, I'm moving on.
My sister decides she will have turkey dinner at her new house, invites us up. Tells me that our father and our biological half brother, whom I haven't seen in 3yrs, will be there. AWESOME! But, we had the arrange it on my schedule, making my brother change his kids visitation and everything, so I absolutely have to go now that I have confirmed.
Then, my sister (2 days away from heading up to see everyone) drops the bomb. "I invited [father's wife] and [daughter], they will be coming as well..... And it is EXPECTED that you don't start any problems with them!!"
WTF???
So, obviously how I feel is in complete disregard. She knows, though, if I had known that they were coming - I would have absolutely turned down her offer without question. So, she played a sneaky, shady BS game to get me to commit and then knows I would not back out because of how much schedule rearranging my brother is doing just to get a chance to visit with me.
I am still going to go, put on my happy, smiley and keep it light hearted. I'm not going to dig up old, hard feelings.
But, I'm also not going to forget the crap my sister is playing...
Start off. There is a lot of old drama between me and my father's wife/her family. A few examples: her then 15yr old daughter tried to push my grandmother down a flight of stairs; same daughter pulled a knife on my father; same daughter vandalized my vehicle by etching "b*tch" into the DS window with a razor (done in retaliation to the next example..); 2nd old son pulled a stolen handgun on my husband and shot it off at him (and was, FORTUNATELY, a bad enough aim with enough distance to NOT hit him!!) - he did go to jail that night; all children have stolen from my father, and 2 oldest have criminal records. My father chooses to stay in this marriage, that is his business. His wife chooses to either deny her precious children would do such a thing or blame everyone else for their behavior. For example, the razor etch in my truck.. I was accused of doing it to my own truck because I was "out to get them" (I lived out of state, truck was at my dad's for a week so I could get a plate on it, I had just bought it!), and the gun fiasco was blamed on me because I called the cops and he got arrested, so I was "trying to break her family apart."
Whatever.
I wiped my hands clean. I made the decision that I do not need this kind of drama in my life or these kind of people. My father chooses that lifestyle, that is fine. I will visit him away from them.
My sister, however, was to "be friends" with everyone. I did tell her very clearly after the truck got vandalized that I was not going to have any part of their lives. If she wanted me to visit her, that was fine, but absolutely do not expect me to visit with them and pretend that the history we have has never happened. I am done, I'm moving on.
My sister decides she will have turkey dinner at her new house, invites us up. Tells me that our father and our biological half brother, whom I haven't seen in 3yrs, will be there. AWESOME! But, we had the arrange it on my schedule, making my brother change his kids visitation and everything, so I absolutely have to go now that I have confirmed.
Then, my sister (2 days away from heading up to see everyone) drops the bomb. "I invited [father's wife] and [daughter], they will be coming as well..... And it is EXPECTED that you don't start any problems with them!!"
WTF???
So, obviously how I feel is in complete disregard. She knows, though, if I had known that they were coming - I would have absolutely turned down her offer without question. So, she played a sneaky, shady BS game to get me to commit and then knows I would not back out because of how much schedule rearranging my brother is doing just to get a chance to visit with me.
I am still going to go, put on my happy, smiley and keep it light hearted. I'm not going to dig up old, hard feelings.
But, I'm also not going to forget the crap my sister is playing...
If I were you, I would probably contact the brother somehow and let him know you want to see him - but perhaps if he could get out of the house for a little while. I would not go to your sister's little party. Or, contact your bro and apologize for making him re-arrange his schedule and offer to see him another tme when it is convenient for him without him having to change his schedule.
I agree with Twinkle Toes. If you do go there, your sister will never take you seriously again and this will keep happening. Make arrangements to see the non-psycho members of your family separately. Your sister is not taking your feelings into consideration. You have EVERY RIGHT to decide for yourself who you will and will not have contact with.
I think the reason we hear so many nightmare holiday stories is because too many people don't have enough sense to stay away from toxic people. Either that, or people deep down enjoy all of the drama. I don't know..
Anything you might want to do to her, please do it after the holidays!! Thanks!
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