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Whatever you say... No sweetheart will suggest for you to go packing for good every time you mention missing your family in my book.
I'm with you on this one. I wouldn't consider it a loving gesture if my husband did that. I mean, it's natural to get homesick... but for the person who "loves" you to flat out tell you to leave the relationship 'cuz you have natural feelings... not a loving thing in my book. Matter of fact, it's right up there with threatening divorce.
But to each their own.
Have you ever tried Skyp'ing with your family... you know... hook up some webcams and talk. At least that way you could see them and talk to them.
No, honey. Sweethearts don't say those things. Sweethearts are understanding and tell you loving things and try to be supportive. They try to help you keep those important relationships like the one with your mother. I used to be with a guy who hated my closeness with my mother. It turned out he was controlling and emotionally abusive.
What you're feeling is normal, especially if this is the first time you've been separated from your family. My first wife and I went through something somewhat similar. Yes, I'd guess he's feeling a little insecure. My guess is that he sees you crying and feels he's to blame, plus he might be wondering if you'd rather be with them instead of with him. He'd probably do anything to see you happy, including giving you up if that's what it takes.
I think the best thing you can do for him, and probably yourself as well, is have a heart-to-heart talk with him, stressing that you don't regret being with him, that you'd do it all over again, but just the same, you miss your old family.
Get yourself immersed in your community, if possible, anything to keep you busy and meet new friends. That'll help you overcome being homesick, if you feel more like you're at home with your husband.
As a guy who's had to watch a wife (or two or three) deal with homesickness, I can tell you it's not easy on him to see you crying -- basically because you're with him. I sometimes tear-up when I think about my late wife, but I'd never do it in front of my current wife. (Can you imagine how she'd feel about that?)
Maybe you should reserve looking at your family albums in private.
I also have to agree. Anyone would be sad and homesick for their family in your position. He should be doing his best to make you feel better instead of saying hateful things to you when you are sad.
What you're feeling is normal, especially if this is the first time you've been separated from your family. My first wife and I went through something somewhat similar. Yes, I'd guess he's feeling a little insecure. My guess is that he sees you crying and feels he's to blame, plus he might be wondering if you'd rather be with them instead of with him. He'd probably do anything to see you happy, including giving you up if that's what it takes.
I think the best thing you can do for him, and probably yourself as well, is have a heart-to-heart talk with him, stressing that you don't regret being with him, that you'd do it all over again, but just the same, you miss your old family.
Get yourself immersed in your community, if possible, anything to keep you busy and meet new friends. That'll help you overcome being homesick, if you feel more like you're at home with your husband.
As a guy who's had to watch a wife (or two or three) deal with homesickness, I can tell you it's not easy on him to see you crying -- basically because you're with him. I sometimes tear-up when I think about my late wife, but I'd never do it in front of my current wife. (Can you imagine how she'd feel about that?)
Maybe you should reserve looking at your family albums in private.
Sorry but that sounds like a lot of going out of her way and butt kissing on her part to please him. I agree have a heart to heart but him saying something so awful to her when she's crying and sad is just mean and unsupportive and makes me seriously question his character.
Sorry but that sounds like a lot of going out of her way and butt kissing on her part to please him. I agree have a heart to heart but him saying something so awful to her when she's crying and sad is just mean and unsupportive and makes me seriously question his character.
I don't think we know that for sure. I may have said something similar in the past, and I certainly wouldn't have intended to be mean. When your wife is crying, especially if it's because of something you did, you want to undo whatever is causing it. In his mind, it may well have been the most unselfish thing he's ever said to her... or not... or it might have been but didn't sound that way. We can't know for sure, so jumping to conclusions and calling him a jerk or questioning his character isn't fair, imho.
I was wondering if he is feeling insecure or something.
Probably but I think he's also feeling guilty and I have to agree that he's being very insensitive. I'm in a very similar situation, I too moved to another country to be with my husband. I too am very close with my family and especially my mom. I too sometimes cry because I miss them. And although I know my husband does sometimes feels a little guilty for being the reason I left them all behind and miss them so much, he would never, ever be so harsh and insensitive as to say something like "why don't you just go back then". I'm sure your husband is very sweet and considerate in other ways but in this particular case, he's being pretty insensitive.
If my husband ever did say something like that, I would respond with something like this: "If I went back there, I would just cry because I miss YOU. I love my parents and miss them dearly but I also love you and choose to put you first in my life by being here. That doesn't mean that I'm not allowed to miss my parents or that missing them means I love them more than you. I think your suggestion is pretty insensitive and you owe me an apology. I'm allowed to miss my parents, I'm not doing anything wrong and you're being very unfair."
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No sweetheart will suggest for you to go packing for good every time you mention missing your family in my book.
