Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
You might have a solid point but you can't make people smile and appear friendly if they do not want to.
uh, yes you can. actors do it all the time. even when they are not acting. A friend of mine who is a young college guy, pretty much thought he wasn't likable about 2 years ago. He started getting into stand up comedy, now he does an amateur circuit in LA. Today he is "Mr. Popular" and a lot of people enjoy his company. He was telling me about this the other day - how pursuing a stage career really expanded his personality, it brought out his best qualities. Before, people really didn't like him, because he was kind of a downer. Now, he is much more likable, and a fun happy guy.
The couple people I know like this are the reason I bring it up. People in general are stubborn & assume "Well I'm not changing 'cause that's who I am!" It's a totally wrong opinion. It is very easy to become a likable guy or girl with some practice at it. I guess the old "cotillion" days are over, where everyone went to "practice social graces", and maybe it's a bit of a lost art - I hope not.
You can completely change OTHER people's moods, if YOU are a happy and friendly person. I've seen this especially from some people born in the South, or from small towns. It's called "brightening someone's day". Good salesmen do this all the time, whether they are selling something or not, they have learned to "make other people smile".
You might have a solid point but you can't make people smile and appear friendly if they do not want to.
Well, if you mean Sam cannot make other people smile and look friendly, you're right. He can't. But he can make himself smile and look friendly, which goes a long, long way.
To empathize is to understand. How can anyone understand something that makes absolutly no sense? These are three very logical explanations; he is offending and not realizing it, he is paranoid or he is a troll. A less than compassionate delivery of these suggestions doesn't change that.
Yeah but one need not necessarily empathize in order to understand. Just because it doesn't make sense to you doesn't necessarily make it categorically inaccessible to all understanding.
Indeed, another explanation might be that it may not be so much him doing the offending as it is others allowing themselves to be offended by his presence. The disdain he perceives to be leveled at him by others way very well be overstated in some cases, but to suggest that he is either somehow categorically responsible for the way others view him or simply a troll strikes me as an unfair assessment.
Quote:
Let's say he isn't a troll and he's not offending everyone around him (as he repeats, ad nauseaum, here and via DM). How can any rational person not see the pathology in someone who thinks everyone hates him, everywhere he goes. It is patently absurd. To continue suggesting that it is some force beyond him, at this point, is not doing him any favors. Keep the boy in denial. Let him think that his fantasies are justified. And when he does go postal, who would actually be the next to blame after the crappy family he says he has? Those of us who saw and called out the obvious? Or those who "empathized" with him?
I still call bullsh*t on it. I tried.
Empathizing isn't necessarily enabling. In fact, the OP could very well be trying to self-actualize his perturbed self-concept as an attempt to rationalize what he perceives to be going on around him, a self-concept likely derived from and reinforced by negative experiences with people. Giving him the conventional, tried-and-true "rational" answers doesn't always work with people dealing with self-concept issues. You have to allow them to come to full terms with what they define their self-concept to be, as opposed to trying to define it for them by automatically labeling them paranoiacs and such. Only when they come to terms with their damaged self-concept qua damaged self-concept can they ever hope to rectify it.
In other words, people have to allow me to become convinced that, at the very least, there are many strangers out there who, regardless of my own attitude, will be indifferent or even hostile toward me, simply as a function of living in an indifferent and hostile world. Every negative experience, then, is less likely to jar with some fanciful notion that "normal" somehow equals everybody being kind to me on the street. People will then be in a much better position to assist me in forging healthy coping mechanisms that will enable me to process the positive experiences I have and formulate them into an improved overall self-concept.
People's circumstances are intricate and complex, and if you can't empathize or understand then perhaps it is your inability to understand intricate and complex circumstances.
The OP really hasn't divulged too many details, however, I don't blame him because the posters seem to be getting inappropriately defensive and angry.
The OP has not opened himself up to being insulted with names of mental disorders or other things either.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrSykes
Yeah but one need not necessarily empathize in order to understand. Just because it doesn't make sense to you doesn't necessarily make it categorically inaccessible to all understanding.
Indeed, another explanation might be that it may not be so much him doing the offending as it is others allowing themselves to be offended by his presence. The disdain he perceives to be leveled at him by others way very well be overstated in some cases, but to suggest that he is either somehow categorically responsible for the way others view him or simply a troll strikes me as an unfair assessment.
Empathizing isn't necessarily enabling. In fact, the OP could very well be trying to self-actualize his perturbed self-concept as an attempt to rationalize what he perceives to be going on around him, a self-concept likely derived from and reinforced by negative experiences with people. Giving him the conventional, tried-and-true "rational" answers doesn't always work with people dealing with self-concept issues. You have to allow them to come to full terms with what they define their self-concept to be, as opposed to trying to define it for them by automatically labeling them paranoiacs and such. Only when they come to terms with their damaged self-concept qua damaged self-concept can they ever hope to rectify it.
In other words, people have to allow me to become convinced that, at the very least, there are many strangers out there who, regardless of my own attitude, will be indifferent or even hostile toward me, simply as a function of living in an indifferent and hostile world. Every negative experience, then, is less likely to jar with some fanciful notion that "normal" somehow equals everybody being kind to me on the street. People will then be in a much better position to assist me in forging healthy coping mechanisms that will enable me to process the positive experiences I have and formulate them into an improved overall self-concept.
Mr. Samston,
You seem to have all the symptoms of clinical depression which may or may not be coexisting with social paranoia. You are profoundly sad, and (it seems) easily enraged by strangers and their perception of your appearance. Please get some help. There is no reason on Earth why you should be unhappy.
I'm not a judgemental person in general, and am fairly accepting.
But i hate it when people look at me and get all vexed up and scornful. what the **** did i do to them? lol...
Why do people look at others and have an expression of dislike? How can I make this go away?
we had a neighbor, growing up together, he chose to get tatoos plastered all over his body with all kinds of body piercings...and then wondered why he couldn't get a decent job.
While it is not fair...and you are correct...stuff like that scars people...
LOL have you never been to modern retail stores that cater to high school and college age audiences?
You will see that everyone has nose rings, tattoos, freaky hair cuts, bizarre jewelry, freaky make up etc. at those type of stores. Same story with music stores, tobacco stores, some hair salons, and art supplies stores.
I went into a few of those retail stores over the weekend just to check the merchandise out and the customer service was really rude. Then I went to several other different types of stores and wow, low and behold the atmosphere completely changes, the sales associates were friendly and helpful and smiling and kind. Wow.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee
we had a neighbor, growing up together, he chose to get tatoos plastered all over his body with all kinds of body piercings...and then wondered why he couldn't get a decent job.
While it is not fair...and you are correct...stuff like that scars people...
LOL have you never been to modern retail stores that cater to high school and college age audiences?
You will see that everyone has nose rings, tattoos, freaky hair cuts, bizarre jewelry, freaky make up etc. at those type of stores. Same story with music stores, tobacco stores, and art supplies stores.
I went into a few of those retail stores over the weekend just to check the merchandise out and the customer service was really rude. Then I went to several other different types of stores and wow, low and behold the atmosphere completely changes, the sales associates were friendly and helpful and smiling and kind. Wow.
well this guy has bout 10 ear rings going up the side of his ear and several nose piercings...and yes I have seen them, and I do know they are making a statement...but in the long run, not everyone has those things artsy.
we had a neighbor, growing up together, he chose to get tatoos plastered all over his body with all kinds of body piercings...and then wondered why he couldn't get a decent job.
While it is not fair...and you are correct...stuff like that scars people...
Do you have tatoos and body piercings?
No.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
