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Old 02-18-2010, 09:10 AM
 
8,679 posts, read 15,270,611 times
Reputation: 15342

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Quote:
Originally Posted by hnsq View Post
D*mn people and their small talk!

Lighten up! They are probably talking just to talk. Small talk is a part of daily life. It sounds like you don't enjoy it, which means that is something you might need to work on.

Spoken like a true extrovert. "If you don't like small talk, something is wrong with you."

Actually, no. There's nothing wrong. An introvert can turn around and say, "You chatter too much. You need to work on that."

It's just a different way of operating, and neither one is right or wrong.

 
Old 02-18-2010, 09:17 AM
 
9,855 posts, read 15,207,220 times
Reputation: 5481
Quote:
Originally Posted by Avienne View Post
Spoken like a true extrovert. "If you don't like small talk, something is wrong with you."

Actually, no. There's nothing wrong. An introvert can turn around and say, "You chatter too much. You need to work on that."

It's just a different way of operating, and neither one is right or wrong.
Actually I am extremely introverted. I am INTJ on myers-briggs. I NEVER said there was something wrong with the OP, I naturally think the EXACT same way. One day I woke up and realized I hadn't talked to my brother in over six months because I never had anything to say. I still struggle with small talk, but it is worth it, even if it does not come naturally.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with not engaging in small talk, but not doing so has a price. When you realize you don't have anyone to eat lunch with at work because no one knows you (this happened to me), or that you didn't know your sister-in-law has been laid off for 3 months (again, happened to me), you realize there is value in trying to get to know other people. Even if it isn't as fun as being alone.

Introvert/Extrovert is not an immutable trait. You can 'train' yourself to enjoy company. Three years ago I scored 95% introvert on a myers-briggs test and now, while still very introverted, I see the value in small talk.
 
Old 02-18-2010, 09:22 AM
 
3,261 posts, read 5,305,724 times
Reputation: 3986
Quote:
Originally Posted by samston View Post
I don't think they hold the right to ask, period. I'm a grown man, I run my own life.
It sounds like you have deep-rooted resentment towards your family for possibly trying to control or be critical of you decisions in life.

I bet if the same questions were asked by other people in your daily life (co-workers, neighbors, etc.), you wouldn't be so upset.

Therefore, I think you need to take a deep breath and figure out how to change the relationship dynamic with them, if possible.
 
Old 02-18-2010, 09:23 AM
 
Location: Elsewhere
88,588 posts, read 84,818,250 times
Reputation: 115120
They probably don't really care how you are doing at work or how your life is going, but feel that they should ask those questions to be polite since you're family and all.
 
Old 02-18-2010, 09:23 AM
 
4,379 posts, read 5,384,844 times
Reputation: 1612
Quote:
Originally Posted by hnsq View Post
D*mn people and their small talk!

Lighten up! They are probably talking just to talk. Small talk is a part of daily life. It sounds like you don't enjoy it, which means that is something you might need to work on.
I enjoy small talk.

But people should know their limits.
 
Old 02-18-2010, 09:27 AM
 
Location: Bradenton, Florida
27,232 posts, read 46,663,996 times
Reputation: 11084
Quote:
Originally Posted by hnsq View Post
Actually I am extremely introverted. I am INTJ on myers-briggs. I NEVER said there was something wrong with the OP, I naturally think the EXACT same way. One day I woke up and realized I hadn't talked to my brother in over six months because I never had anything to say. I still struggle with small talk, but it is worth it, even if it does not come naturally.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with not engaging in small talk, but not doing so has a price. When you realize you don't have anyone to eat lunch with at work because no one knows you (this happened to me), or that you didn't know your sister-in-law has been laid off for 3 months (again, happened to me), you realize there is value in trying to get to know other people. Even if it isn't as fun as being alone.

Introvert/Extrovert is not an immutable trait. You can 'train' yourself to enjoy company. Three years ago I scored 95% introvert on a myers-briggs test and now, while still very introverted, I see the value in small talk.
I was finally convinced to join Facebook. I looked up some people I went to high school with. Okay, well, my younger sister didn't go at the same time I did, but we connected there--I invited her to accept a "friend request" saying "I think you might know me." [dry humor]. She accepted and responded, "well, at least we know you're still alive!" That's how little contact I have with people.
 
Old 02-18-2010, 09:29 AM
 
Location: Wu Dang Mountain
12,940 posts, read 21,624,973 times
Reputation: 8681
Quote:
Originally Posted by samston View Post
I enjoy small talk.

But people should know their limits.
Yet you claim you're open-minded.

Maybe look at this from the old "tolerance vs. acceptance" angle - you can learn to tolerate their questions, but you certainly don't have to accept their (hidden) messages.
 
Old 02-18-2010, 09:30 AM
 
28,895 posts, read 54,165,927 times
Reputation: 46685
Quote:
Originally Posted by samston View Post
I don't think they hold the right to ask, period. I'm a grown man, I run my own life.
Well, given how sensitive you apparently are to pretty innocuous questions from people who love you, I'm not so sure about this.
 
Old 02-18-2010, 09:35 AM
 
4,379 posts, read 5,384,844 times
Reputation: 1612
Quote:
Originally Posted by SifuPhil View Post
Yet you claim you're open-minded.

Maybe look at this from the old "tolerance vs. acceptance" angle - you can learn to tolerate their questions, but you certainly don't have to accept their (hidden) messages.
Being open minded means being accepting of new viewpoints.

I don't see how desiring autonomy and independence conflicts with that.
 
Old 02-18-2010, 09:37 AM
 
Location: Atlanta, GA
600 posts, read 1,609,506 times
Reputation: 413
Quote:
Originally Posted by samston View Post
How about persons such as your mom, dad, brother, or step-dad (who isn't even a blood relative )?

They always ask me about work, which is frankly none of their business. Always about my hobbies, again none of their business.

Is it best to accommodate them (which in my opinion is nonsense, only weak people seek to be accommodated), or should there be explicit boundaries in life?
If you don't want them to talk about those things, what DO you want to talk to them about??? Or do you not want any contact with them at all?

I talk to my parents about my life, and I even appreciate their advice, as long as they are no pushy about it and respect my opinions and decisions as well.
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