Amazing job opportunity, wife doesn't want to go (Orange: mortgage, day care)

[GlassB]

I have recently come upon a job opportunity and have made it to stage 2 interviewing for a position which would jump me two positions and skip 5-6 years of waiting (and possibly 2 relocations) to get the same position in my current company, pay $50k+ more than I make now (I'm underpaid in my current job), BUT the opportunity is in Portland. Note: to get promoted at my current job, I would need to move anyway. Also note, my current position is large in scope and I need some specific experience to move up. That said, my current company has had problems finding something that would be challenging enough for me to get this experience due to the large role I have now, but is unwilling to let me move into a higher role without this additional experience. In my line of work, you can rocket to the top, but you have to be willing to move. Confusing....Catch 22, bottomline, I feel stuck.


We live in Orange County, which is by all accounts a beautiful location. That said, the housing is ungodly expensive, 405 traffic is horrible, we struggle to save any money as a one earner household with two kids (we would lose money sending our kids to day care if my wife started working and have no close family who can help), my mortgage is 35% of my income, and I have come to realize that moving up in my company will be difficult (promises made and unmade).


My wife's family lives close, but frankly they are no help (medical issues and overall inability to help with the kids --- Grandpa takes phone calls and walks away from 3 year old next to busy roads, Grandma is medically unable to help). My family lives 1000 miles away in multiple states. I grew up moving a lot. I don't mind moving and just make friends in the new location when I get there. I like the adventure of living in new locations....my wife likes to stay put. I get bored after living somewhere more than about 4 years. I keep all my old friends and just add to the network. Granted I know this isn't sustainable long term.


Bottomline, my wife does NOT want to move. At the same time, she is consistently unhappy that we have no help and we don't have the money to do things she wants to do. If we move, she also would have to start over with her hours and licensing (that said, she doesn't even want to do what she does now anymore). If we moved, we could afford a nanny for assistance or daycare, a bigger house (Our house is pretty small. Also, our house has gone up in value but it means nothing since we can only afford the same thing at a higher price since every other house in Orange county has gone up in value too), more vacations, probably extracurriculars like jet skis or a boat, etc. She wants me to find something local. I have had difficulty finding the right opportunity. Manufacturing is readily moving out of California and opportunities are reducing.


Any advice from the masses on how to get on the same page here?


Thanks!

[Curmudgeon]

There may be no same page. You have to make the best decision you can, especially as the family bread winner, as to what will benefit the family the most, especially in the long run. Your wife may not agree but then she'll have a tough decision to make as well.

There doesn't seem to be any easy answer. In my first marriage which miraculously lasted 25 years regardless, I sometimes had to make unpopular decisions regarding my job and career choices. It was never a walk in the park. Leaving Orange County where we were both raised 40+ years ago was a tough one. To me this seems to be a no-brainer but I know that doesn't make the situation any more comfortable.

Best of luck!

[Electrician4you]

I would simply sit down and make a list of your current financial situation. Then sit down with her and list all the things you told us. Explain the advantages and benefits of moving.
You can simply say "we can stay here and struggle for another 5 years to get to where we could be by moving now. That's if everything goes well for us for the next five years. It's going to stunt the financial growth of not only our finances but set back saving for college fund for kids and house etc.
This is a opportunity that we can't afford to give up or walk away from. I know you're not comfortable with moving but you need to think as a family not as a individual

[LuvSouthOC]

Do a "pro" and "con" list and be honest on each.

[Slytrix]

Moving may be best if you can get your Wife on board. I said may because based on your post you may be in the same shape financially if you move, get the pay increase but then spend it on bigger house, boat, vacations etc.

If you do move get comfortable but don't over do it, you will be happier.

[fluffythewondercat]

OP, you're like me. You like new things but you married a homebody. As did I. We probably did this because we're better together than we are apart, as different personality types frequently are.

Since you don't have an offer yet, this may all be for naught.

[Finper]

Divorce her and marry me I'll go with you... It sounds like a great opportunity all around

[ysr_racer]

I used to work with a bunch of guys that chased jobs all over the U.S. In the end they ended up moving back to Orange County.

Quality of life is as important as salary.

[stan4]

Originally Posted by ysr_racer

I used to work with a bunch of guys that chased jobs all over the U.S. In the end they ended up moving back to Orange County.

Quality of life is as important as salary.

I totally normally agree with this, but I don't think they have quality of life. If what he says is true.

Wouldn't it be great if the husband and wife or boyfriend and girlfriend or cousin or sister or whoever's on the other side of these questions ever came here and told their side?

That would be cool.

[Hemlock140]

While our situation was different, my wife was not all that thrilled at the idea of moving from the Bay Area - until we came up here on vacation and she saw the area first hand. It also helped that we knew a couple of other families that has move up here. It would not be helpful to push your wife into moving, but you could certainly nudge her into visiting Portland for a long weekend, and have a realtor lined up to look at homes you would be able to afford there.
While we live in Sammamish, WA, we go to Portland for the day or overnight several times a year, great city.