Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm wondering if I'm the only parent who attended bonfire parties in the middle of the woods as a teen? Of course, I didn't ask my parents for permission.
I wonder how many of you who voted NO WAY to the bonfire party drink yourselves and have alcohol in your houses.
No, I never did that as a teen and it wasn't because my parents were strict or there was lack of opportunity. I had plenty of opportunity (and my parents likely wouldn't have cared that much) but it wasn't something my friends and I were interested in. We had a good time without alcohol and we have the benefit of remembering every minute of it.
We don't have alcohol in the house...not because we are against drinking (although I don't see the point of getting snockered drunk) but we don't drink. I hope that makes sense. We've never forbidden our kids to drink, yet they just don't seem interested just as I wasn't as a teen. DH was/is the same. Maybe it's genetic.
It would make no difference to me if we did drink and/or have alcohol in the house. At 16 they are too young to go to drinking parties whether I give them permission or they sneak out to do it. Wrong is wrong...not knowing about it or having done it myself in the past would not make it right.
Is it possible that the daughter in this situation feels uncomfortable with attending the party and really wants a parent to say no, so she doesn't have to be responsible for the decision?
Very possible, but I think if there is open communication between the parents and kid the conversation would be about feeling pressured to go, not wanting to and asking for advice on how to get out of it.
Also, in my experience kids are masters of using their parents as an excuse for anything. She hardly needs an actual "no" from a parent to use that as an excuse.
I would "let" my 16 year old do whatever she wanted to do, because I would trust her to use good judgment. She would value that trust and would know that it would be withdrawn for a serious infraction, which is a very strong incentive to honor it. Trust is very important to kids---maybe more so than for adults, because their world is more amorphous and there are different social dependencies.
Kids are going to do dangerous things, but nearly all survive, and that is a part of growing up. If she doesn't kill herself now, somebody will send her to Iraq in a couple of years to step on IEDs or be friendly-fire raped in the barracks. I would trust her to watch out for herself, and to have learned for herself how to do that.
Like NCyank, she'd have grown up in an alcohol-free house, but in my estimation, curiosity is the most valuable attribute a kid can have.
Maciesmom, there are lots of ways to say No to a kid who craves No. Like "Sure, go ahead, but don't say I didn't warn you."
We don't have alcohol in the house...not because we are against drinking (although I don't see the point of getting snockered drunk) but we don't drink. I hope that makes sense. We've never forbidden our kids to drink, yet they just don't seem interested just as I wasn't as a teen. DH was/is the same. Maybe it's genetic.
I doubt it's genetic since my children were never interested in alcohol, but I did drink alcohol on occassion as a teen. I never got snockered (love that word!) and it wasn't something we did every week. My husband and I don't drink. We're not against it either. You're not alone in that regard.
My one and only complaint about families that do keep alcohol in their houses is that their children have easy access to alcohol. I can't tell you how many times I've heard about the bar being raided at sleep overs after the parents went to bed. I'm actually more upset by parents who keep alcohol in the house than parents who own firearms. At least firearms are usually locked up. Alcohol is just sitting around.
When there are parties, the children brink alcohol from their parents' stashes. THAT'S how teens get alcohol before they are old enough to know a 21 year old who will buy it.
the headsmack is for having alcohol so easily attainable for your children. just because something is in the house, does not make it ok for my kids to think it is at their disposal. We don't have so much alcohol that having something missing wouldn't be noticed. I had car keys in the house before my kids were of driving age. Didn't make it ok for them to utilize them.
and most of the alcohol at teen parties in the middle of nowhere comes from kids stealing it from their parents' houses.
I totally disagree. Life is not riskier today. The only thing that has changed is your perspective because you are now a parent. i still disagree .... More, stronger and different drugs are easily attainable. Legal consequences are higher. People sue more and things follow you much more now than before.
who are you fooling to think that you can stop your children from attending a bonfire at some point in their teen years? i never said i thought i could "stop" them, i said if they asked the answer would be "no"....
and if your only concern is to appear to give 'blessings' then you're missing out on an opportunity to provide your children guidance. i don't see it that way, i see it as affirming to them what is expected behavior. Now if they sneak off and do it anyway, they are entirely responsible for their own consequences and they know that going into it. There will be no sympathy from me.
i would much rather know and give guidance than put them in a situation where they are sneaking and doing things on their own without guidance. i give them guidance on a continuing basis for "if they ever find themselves" in such-and-such a situation. I am still not about to give them the thumbs up to attend an illegal party.
This is interesting to me from the risk vs reward perspective. What would the reward be to justify the risk? The risk of someone getting hurt, driving drunk, looking stupid on facebook pics (that once published are forever public), getting arrested, doing things they regret later....it would have to be one heck of a reward to take on the risk. I've never heard of a party so good that it was worth that much risk.
Teens often underestimate the amount of risk they are putting themselves in and overestimate the reward involved. As much as I love and trust my teens I KNOW that they won't always evaluate such things appropriately and with such great risks it's up to the parent to help them see reality when they can't see it for themselves.
Yeah, this sounds too much like "But everyone else is doing it..." for me to go along with. A lot of things teens do are pretty common...and pretty stupid too, sometimes illegal. Sexting and talking/texting while driving are other good examples of things that are pretty common among teens but I can't imagine telling my teens to evaluate the risks and then go ahead if they feel comfortable with it.
I can't argue with your points, because they are very valid. I can only express my feelings on it from my perspective. Assuming that my kids were otherwise model citizens and met all of our expectations with school, chores and behavior, I would hard pressed to give them a flat out no to attending a party they wanted to go to.
The reality is that they hardly needed to ask my permission to go as it would be very easy to lie and go anyway. I know the risks perfectly well as I took many of these risks as a teen, generally without my parents knowledge or permission.
However, again, if it is something they really want to do and I have no issue not to trust them, I don't see the point in keeping them from going. You essentially send them out into the world daily only armed with the knowledge and guidance that you've given them and they deal with multiple perils daily. Drinking, drugs, sex, fighting, rape, etc. aren't things that only happen at "pit" parties. I would also expect that if my kids want to go that it's becasue the party is something their friends are attending as well.
While it is true that some things are blatantly stupid, texting and driving for instance, attending a party is pretty routine. I think most people are getting the mental image of "Lord of the Flies" with a bunch of half-naked alcohol and drug fueled teens debauching themselves in the woods. While that may happen, if I know my kid well enough to let them go, this isn't the kind of thing they would be into. Chances are it's just a bunch of friends hanging out around a fire listening to music, maybe drinking some beers and passing some joints, maybe some people will have sex. These aren't things that I need to shield my child from as they have the ability to do any of that at anytime unbeknownst to me.
Pitt parties and bonfire parties are the same thing.
From what posters are saying though, "pit" parties are out "in the middle of nowhere"; the OP described them as "held in an out-of-way location (such as a gravel pit) to evade detection". The bonfire parties my son and his friends have here are in someone's private yard. I think without any kind of parental supervision, a "pit" party could get wildly out of control.
Pretty strange that more parents would let their kids have sex than go to a party.
I know! I thought the same thing when I looked at that other thread!
I understand how parents feel it's important to provide their children guidance about "protection."
What I don't understand is how parents think providing guidance about alcohol is giving blessings.
It's a logical position for the parents who oppose both sex w/protection AND drinking.
But it's illogical for a parent to advocate protection---and then think that providing guidance about drinking is condoning.
If providing guidance about alcohol is condoning drinking, then adovcating protection is condoning sex, logically speaking.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm wondering if I'm the only parent who attended bonfire parties in the middle of the woods as a teen? Of course, I didn't ask my parents for permission. 
