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that's fine. I still haven't seen the OP say if he has ever asked these people for a night out. And don't say "can we PLEASE go out WITHOUT your kids???" Say "would you like to have a girls night out?"
Well, it's an awkward thing for the childless person to ask, so I'm not going to judge too harshly. I read the original post as more of a vent, and I can understand where it's coming from. When children are infants, yes they should be engaged and stimulated by the adults around them, but as children grow, they shouldn't require or want constant affirmation and attention from adults. It's needy, annoying, and frankly, dysfunctional, IMO.
that's fine. I still haven't seen the OP say if he has ever asked these people for a night out. And don't say "can we PLEASE go out WITHOUT your kids???" Say "would you like to have a girls night out?"
Yes. And also realize that you're probably not going to have a completely child-free experience every time you visit your friends. I can do a girls night a couple of times a month, but if you want to meet for coffee or lunch or something, I may have to bring my kid. Or I have to turn you down. It's not about my kid being the center of attention or whatever, it's about him needing to be with someone. And I certainly wouldn't call a sitter every time my friend wanted to hang out.
The OP is complaining about the kids being there. period. Not about the way the parents deal with the kids.
Uhh...
Quote:
Originally Posted by hcloca
But after 4-5 hours I am pretty much "DONE" with watching Nick Jr. and going to the playground and I want to hang out with my friends in an ADULT FASHION ?
and...
Quote:
Originally Posted by hcloca
It's like they have put their lives on hold, simply to focus on the kids 100% of the time. It's all they talk about, do, read etc.
I am 100% convinced that if those parents dealt with the kids the way kids have always been dealt with until recently, the OP would NOT complain about kids being there. Ask the OP.
I personally have bedtime for the kids. That gives them the rest they need and a little bit of time for myself to wined down a bit.
My friend asked me one time what am I doing on a friday night I said something about taking the kids to the park and friendlys for ice cream and she had a comment of "wow exciting" I explained to her that I'm a diffrent person than i was before children my world lights up when i see my kids have a good time. I love being with them, yes occasionally I have "adult" time away from the kids and I have fun with my friends and we joke around see a movie... but my friends dont light up my world... My children DO.
Yes. And also realize that you're probably not going to have a completely child-free experience every time you visit your friends. I can do a girls night a couple of times a month, but if you want to meet for coffee or lunch or something, I may have to bring my kid. Or I have to turn you down. It's not about my kid being the center of attention or whatever, it's about him needing to be with someone. And I certainly wouldn't call a sitter every time my friend wanted to hang out.
absolutely! Read my PP. I'm one of the ones who said the parents weren't doing anything wrong.
Well, it's an awkward thing for the childless person to ask, so I'm not going to judge too harshly. I read the original post as more of a vent, and I can understand where it's coming from. When children are infants, yes they should be engaged and stimulated by the adults around them, but as children grow, they shouldn't require or want constant affirmation and attention from adults. It's needy, annoying, and frankly, dysfunctional, IMO.
I agree. I think we are all reading into the OP, filling in the blanks in different ways. I think with more specifics it could change our opinions.
I do think SOME parents cater to their kids too much ignoring all else. I'm not sure that was the case with the OP. I wish the OP would come back and explain a little more.
It takes some compromise too. The childless person might invite the mom out to dinner. The mom might say "I'll have the kids with me that night. Why don't you come to my place." Hopefully the kids can play while the adults chat. That is probably going to work better than taking the kids to a restaurant. But the kids will still be there. There is just no way around that sometimes.
I've found through having kids that your priorities change and it does become much harder to socialize with friends. You have a finite amount of time and while going out on Friday night still sounds like fun, the folks with the kids still need to get up in the morning and tend to the brood.
It involves a little give and take on both sides. My wife and I take turns occasionally having a night out with our respective friends, they in turn understand the lengths we may have had to go to make it happen and don't get upset when we say we need to go home at midnight versus hitting the bar for a nightcap.
We invite our friends to partake in our kids lives, but don't begrudge them or force them down their throats. If we are invited to an adult party and we can't find a sitter we don't go or one of us stays home. Sometimes my friends will show up to my sons baseball games and cheer on him. Sometimes our friends decline an invitation to a "kids" birthday party because they aren't into it that day and we don't hold them in contempt.
The simple fact is that people change when they have kids. For better or worse, doesn't matter, they change. If the relationship is to be maintained then there is some give and take on both ends, but it will probably never be like it was.
So, I don't think your a bad friend, just in a different place. In the same way, they aren't bad parents, just in a different place. You want adult time with them and that is going to come with the understanding that doing that isn't always easy and you will see each other less. They need to realize that THEIR kids aren't the center of YOUR universe and respect that.
I think that it's important to maintain adult friendships (including adult conversations) when you have young kids. It's not impossible.
My husband and I get together with a group of friends almost every Saturday night. The house that we meet at is a split level. We have a potluck dinner and than the older kids go downstairs to watch a movie or outside to play while the adults (and infants and toddlers) stay upstairs to talk and hang out.
We usually just spread a blanket and toys in the middle of the living room and the babies play together nicely. If they need to be held and comforted it's no big deal, but for the most part they're happy to play while we talk.
My best friend was single until last year. When we want to get together she picks up a pizza on a night when my husband is working. We eat pizza with my older kids (ages 11 and 8) and then send them into the living room to play or watch a movie while we have some wine and adult conversation on my front porch. My infant will hang out with us and my friend usually wants to hold her and has never seemed bothered to have her there. Sometimes the older kids will join us briefly to see what we're doing, but for the most part they'd rather be playing than talking about politics and adult topics.
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