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Need you even ask if this is normal? These parents (especially dad) sound like they were deeply traumatized at the loss of her twin sister. They've never dealt w/ that and instead want to hold this living daughter close to protect her from anything ever happening to her. Why the daughter stays so close and shares so much of what she's doing may be out of guilt that they've put on her of how they can't go on w/o her.
I agree w/ Jasper that the daughter needs to physically move further away from her parents but stay in contact by phone. That may not be possible due to work or other financial reasons. The daughter needs to make herself busy and not share her plans w/ her dad. He doesn't need to know everything she's doing. She probably could use some counseling to rid herself of this obligation burden she feels w/ her dad.
Actually I am the daughter. I did live thousands of miles away for years and loved it. Then I ended up becoming disabled, the place I lived at was very high cost of living so between that and being lied to that father was terminally ill I decided to move back my hometown where rent is cheaper. It turns out he isn't dying and his drama queen wife who isn't my mother made the whole thing up in her mind. Oh and I also just had enough of the winter weather there cause I can't physically handle snow shoveling.
I used my last penny to move here and am basically stuck here. Even though I worked hard for many years and worked way longer than my doctors advised & never thought I would end up in this predicament I ended up on disability and I barely make enough to survive on. I go without food sometimes and I go without some of my medicines. I didn't even quit my job I got laid off from a ten yr job then got dismissed from three jobs after that when they found out I was all the medical problems I had. (It also didn't help that I fell my 3rd week at one place.) One of the jobs was rescinded after I had a physical so I didn't even get to start there. I am trying to get better physically...I was so bad initially from the neurological injury that I was dismissed from a neurophysical rehab place because they didn't know how to help me as I kept getting dizzy and falling. I thought that was a cop out on their part but they were only rehab place in that town. I finally took over my own physical therapy and taught myself how to stand and walk again and now am losing weight and trying to lift as much weight as I can hoping that will help alleviate knee pain at least. But I don't know what to do about the cognitive problems and learning disabilities that were also identified after the brain injury.(So you will understand I received an electrical injury so I have motor function and cognitive function problems plus I have a host of other medical problems) And since there is currently no cure for the autoimmune illness I also have I don't know how to get well from that, but I am trying because I miss work and I really miss independence and living far away from family.
I'm just thankful I was able to get into my own place because initially dad tried to force me to live with him and his second wife. I lived with them 5 weeks when I was having trouble finding a vacant apartment. It was insane. I suspect he has Aspergers or something like that because of some of his lack of social skills and appropriate behavior issues, he stims and has sensory issues like autistic people do. And his wife had an insane mother with Schizophrenia which I understand is hereditary ...the wife will just start talking to invisible people in the room and she acts like someone with a dissociative disorder as her personality can change right before your eyes ..but she swears she is normal. Their church friends, neighbors and family seem to think how my father acts is normal and they have also given me flack for not spending more time with him and showing him more love. I caved in to their lectures by visiting him twice a week for about a hour trying to be a good daughter according to the local bible-waving dogma. I don't see why they should be making rules like I can't talk to my former co-workers and friends on Facebook or that I can't go to another town alone or that I must take him fishing. Fishing is about the only happiness in my life. Fishing is a doable activity that doesn't cost much.
I just hate the idea of having to lie and sneak around like a wayward teenager everytime I get out and do something. Also I don't know what I am suppose to tell them I am up to because they expect either a phone call or email daily to make sure I am "alive". You might say well just stop doing that-well I did and the crazy wife started calling businesses around town asking if they had seen me and telling those employees my life story and started to call the cops to go check on me because they had not heard from me in 24 hrs.
I apologize for this being so long and appreciate anyone kind enough to read this. I am just at my wit's end and need to find a way to get some breathing room from them and I have no one to turn to because my mother is even worse. Her side of family tried to force her on me after she physically attacked my grandmother. I think anyone would understand someone in my position can not financially support another person nor should I have someone violent living with me, not to mention I have no space for a 2nd person and landlord won't allow it anyway.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12
Who are you to the family? If the daughter continues this dysfunction, and she probably will, as it has continued this long, what is your stake in this situation?
There are reasons why the daughter would continue to put up with this, could be for financial reasions, maybe her parents support her, or hold an inheiritance over her head.
Things won't change unless she physically moves across the country to live a life apart from her parents. Yes, she will have to change jobs, sell a house, make some hard financial choices, but if she wants to change her life, she has the power to do so.
Actually I am the daughter. I did live thousands of miles away for years and loved it. Then I ended up becoming disabled, the place I lived at was very high cost of living so between that and being lied to that father was terminally ill I decided to move back my hometown where rent is cheaper. It turns out he isn't dying and his drama queen wife who isn't my mother made the whole thing up in her mind. Oh and I also just had enough of the winter weather there cause I can't physically handle snow shoveling.
I used my last penny to move here and am basically stuck here. Even though I worked hard for many years and worked way longer than my doctors advised & never thought I would end up in this predicament I ended up on disability and I barely make enough to survive on. I go without food sometimes and I go without some of my medicines. I didn't even quit my job I got laid off from a ten yr job then got dismissed from three jobs after that when they found out I was all the medical problems I had. (It also didn't help that I fell my 3rd week at one place.) One of the jobs was rescinded after I had a physical so I didn't even get to start there. I am trying to get better physically...I was so bad initially from the neurological injury that I was dismissed from a neurophysical rehab place because they didn't know how to help me as I kept getting dizzy and falling. I thought that was a cop out on their part but they were only rehab place in that town. I finally took over my own physical therapy and taught myself how to stand and walk again and now am losing weight and trying to lift as much weight as I can hoping that will help alleviate knee pain at least. But I don't know what to do about the cognitive problems and learning disabilities that were also identified after the brain injury.(So you will understand I received an electrical injury so I have motor function and cognitive function problems plus I have a host of other medical problems) And since there is currently no cure for the autoimmune illness I also have I don't know how to get well from that, but I am trying because I miss work and I really miss independence and living far away from family.
I'm just thankful I was able to get into my own place because initially dad tried to force me to live with him and his second wife. I lived with them 5 weeks when I was having trouble finding a vacant apartment. It was insane. I suspect he has Aspergers or something like that because of some of his lack of social skills and appropriate behavior issues, he stims and has sensory issues like autistic people do. And his wife had an insane mother with Schizophrenia which I understand is hereditary ...the wife will just start talking to invisible people in the room and she acts like someone with a dissociative disorder as her personality can change right before your eyes ..but she swears she is normal. Their church friends, neighbors and family seem to think how my father acts is normal and they have also given me flack for not spending more time with him and showing him more love. I caved in to their lectures by visiting him twice a week for about a hour trying to be a good daughter according to the local bible-waving dogma. I don't see why they should be making rules like I can't talk to my former co-workers and friends on Facebook or that I can't go to another town alone or that I must take him fishing. Fishing is about the only happiness in my life. Fishing is a doable activity that doesn't cost much.
I just hate the idea of having to lie and sneak around like a wayward teenager everytime I get out and do something. Also I don't know what I am suppose to tell them I am up to because they expect either a phone call or email daily to make sure I am "alive". You might say well just stop doing that-well I did and the crazy wife started calling businesses around town asking if they had seen me and telling those employees my life story and started to call the cops to go check on me because they had not heard from me in 24 hrs.
I apologize for this being so long and appreciate anyone kind enough to read this. I am just at my wit's end and need to find a way to get some breathing room from them and I have no one to turn to because my mother is even worse. Her side of family tried to force her on me after she physically attacked my grandmother. I think anyone would understand someone in my position can not financially support another person nor should I have someone violent living with me, not to mention I have no space for a 2nd person and landlord won't allow it anyway.
He is creepy. Please don't blame his behavior on undiagnosed Asperger's. Autism is not synonymous with "perv". Even if he had an autism spectrum disorder it would be creepy and inappropriate.
Sounds like sexual abuse was permitted from the father by the mother so as to get him out of her own affairs with other men. The daughter sounds like a victim and needs to cut the strings.
BINGO!!!!!!! YOU beat me to the punch...........there are lots of family secrets here, but definetely, she has been a victim of sexual abuse.......and now emotional......
OP I understand that you have a disability and a mountain of problems financially but I strongly suggest that you see a therapist asap. You can live on your own even in your hometown without having to deal with parents that abuse you even to this day. Seek help whether its welfare, food stamps, medicaid, housing, anything and everything to get away from them. I only wish you the best.
Actually I am the daughter. I did live thousands of miles away for years and loved it. Then I ended up becoming disabled, the place I lived at was very high cost of living so between that and being lied to that father was terminally ill I decided to move back my hometown where rent is cheaper. It turns out he isn't dying and his drama queen wife who isn't my mother made the whole thing up in her mind. Oh and I also just had enough of the winter weather there cause I can't physically handle snow shoveling.
I used my last penny to move here and am basically stuck here. Even though I worked hard for many years and worked way longer than my doctors advised & never thought I would end up in this predicament I ended up on disability and I barely make enough to survive on. I go without food sometimes and I go without some of my medicines. I didn't even quit my job I got laid off from a ten yr job then got dismissed from three jobs after that when they found out I was all the medical problems I had. (It also didn't help that I fell my 3rd week at one place.) One of the jobs was rescinded after I had a physical so I didn't even get to start there. I am trying to get better physically...I was so bad initially from the neurological injury that I was dismissed from a neurophysical rehab place because they didn't know how to help me as I kept getting dizzy and falling. I thought that was a cop out on their part but they were only rehab place in that town. I finally took over my own physical therapy and taught myself how to stand and walk again and now am losing weight and trying to lift as much weight as I can hoping that will help alleviate knee pain at least. But I don't know what to do about the cognitive problems and learning disabilities that were also identified after the brain injury.(So you will understand I received an electrical injury so I have motor function and cognitive function problems plus I have a host of other medical problems) And since there is currently no cure for the autoimmune illness I also have I don't know how to get well from that, but I am trying because I miss work and I really miss independence and living far away from family.
I'm just thankful I was able to get into my own place because initially dad tried to force me to live with him and his second wife. I lived with them 5 weeks when I was having trouble finding a vacant apartment. It was insane. I suspect he has Aspergers or something like that because of some of his lack of social skills and appropriate behavior issues, he stims and has sensory issues like autistic people do. And his wife had an insane mother with Schizophrenia which I understand is hereditary ...the wife will just start talking to invisible people in the room and she acts like someone with a dissociative disorder as her personality can change right before your eyes ..but she swears she is normal. Their church friends, neighbors and family seem to think how my father acts is normal and they have also given me flack for not spending more time with him and showing him more love. I caved in to their lectures by visiting him twice a week for about a hour trying to be a good daughter according to the local bible-waving dogma. I don't see why they should be making rules like I can't talk to my former co-workers and friends on Facebook or that I can't go to another town alone or that I must take him fishing. Fishing is about the only happiness in my life. Fishing is a doable activity that doesn't cost much.
I just hate the idea of having to lie and sneak around like a wayward teenager everytime I get out and do something. Also I don't know what I am suppose to tell them I am up to because they expect either a phone call or email daily to make sure I am "alive". You might say well just stop doing that-well I did and the crazy wife started calling businesses around town asking if they had seen me and telling those employees my life story and started to call the cops to go check on me because they had not heard from me in 24 hrs.
I apologize for this being so long and appreciate anyone kind enough to read this. I am just at my wit's end and need to find a way to get some breathing room from them and I have no one to turn to because my mother is even worse. Her side of family tried to force her on me after she physically attacked my grandmother. I think anyone would understand someone in my position can not financially support another person nor should I have someone violent living with me, not to mention I have no space for a 2nd person and landlord won't allow it anyway.
I'm really sorry you're in this position.
Do you have anyone at all who can assist you? You do need to move away, even to the next town..... would be better.
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