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Old 03-17-2011, 02:43 PM
 
1 posts, read 1,791 times
Reputation: 10
Unhappy Problem with teenage daughter

I am a single parent, having problems with my daughter. She quit school & blew 15000.00 in 3 weeks. The money is from an annuity i started for her. She won't keep a job either & tells me what a bad mother i am. She wants to sleep all the time too. She won't help me at all & i have serious health issues & she is making me sicker. I am so stressed out & i am afraid of her & her friends. I think they are all on drugs. All the kids in this age group seem to be the same. I don't understand them. I grew up on a farm & have always been up at 5 am & i work 12 - 13 hr days & have to care for my elderly parents. Does anyone have a true solution? I am going off the deep end. Help.
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Old 03-17-2011, 03:11 PM
 
3,706 posts, read 7,687,835 times
Reputation: 3013
If you're afraid of her and the friends she hangs out w/, why the heck did she have access to the annuity - ?? - frankly I prob. wouldnt even have told her about it as there's no reason to - you should have waited til she was 30, was mature and proved she could handle it - now the $$ is gone and she has nothing to show for it and on top of that, she quit school. What does she want to do w/ her life? What did the school say, surely this wasnt overnite behavior, this must have been ongoing for quite some time. Have you and your daughter been in counseling, what did they say - ? Sometimes going to a 3rd party (neutral who will listen to both sides) reall helps. Sometimes you have to do tough love even though it hurts and even though she'll throw a hissy fit, sounds like she's taking advantage of you and you need to stand your ground. Not sure why you're giving her any $$ under the circumstances - stand your ground - would take whatever she says w/ a huge grain of salt - but you need to get her on track before things get worse as it sounds like things are spiraling downhill fast for you and of course that affects you. As for yrs ago, things were different a generation ago but dwelling on that isnt doing any good, they tune it out just as we did w/ our parents walking to school in knee-deep snow - you need to focus on the here and now - don't give her *any* $$ - if she wants $$, she has to earn it, period. Let her figure it out, if she doesn't like it, there's not much you can do but don't enable her as the situation may never end

Quote:
Originally Posted by FORBESEQ View Post
I am a single parent, having problems with my daughter. She quit school & blew 15000.00 in 3 weeks. The money is from an annuity i started for her. She won't keep a job either & tells me what a bad mother i am. She wants to sleep all the time too. She won't help me at all & i have serious health issues & she is making me sicker. I am so stressed out & i am afraid of her & her friends. I think they are all on drugs. All the kids in this age group seem to be the same. I don't understand them. I grew up on a farm & have always been up at 5 am & i work 12 - 13 hr days & have to care for my elderly parents. Does anyone have a true solution? I am going off the deep end. Help.
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Old 03-17-2011, 03:53 PM
 
Location: Montana
10 posts, read 7,307 times
Reputation: 24
How old is she? If she's 18 let her leave or throw her out. You would be surprised how quick she learns responsibility. It was a mistake to let her know about the money and to even let her have access to it.

You aren't a bad Mom just a bit of a push over seems like.

Get firm and do it now. Otherwise she will run all over you.

Believe me, when she gets older, she will feel bad about her treatment of you.

I hate to sound harsh but if you don't do something she will control your life and take all from you.

She needs help and "tough love". She will hate you for it now, but love you for it later. Most probably when she is a mother herself.. that's usually when they actually start to appreciate you as a Mother (if they didn't before that is)

If she's under age (minor) put her in a juvenile home or something.... if this continues, you will be so sorry, believe me.
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Old 03-17-2011, 04:01 PM
 
Location: Planet Eaarth
8,958 posts, read 7,580,488 times
Reputation: 7193
Quote:
Originally Posted by FORBESEQ View Post
I am a single parent, having problems with my daughter. She quit school & blew 15000.00 in 3 weeks. The money is from an annuity i started for her. She won't keep a job either & tells me what a bad mother i am. She wants to sleep all the time too. She won't help me at all & i have serious health issues & she is making me sicker. I am so stressed out & i am afraid of her & her friends. I think they are all on drugs. All the kids in this age group seem to be the same. I don't understand them. I grew up on a farm & have always been up at 5 am & i work 12 - 13 hr days & have to care for my elderly parents. Does anyone have a true solution? I am going off the deep end. Help.
Sometimes kids force parents into a really hard tough love situation. That said, show her the door and stop enabling her errant behavior.


As hard as it is to say sometimes kids have to hit bottom before they grow up.
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Old 03-17-2011, 06:34 PM
 
324 posts, read 205,852 times
Reputation: 202
Bipolar?
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Old 03-17-2011, 08:13 PM
 
Location: ATL suburb
1,299 posts, read 2,395,216 times
Reputation: 1216
I hope that's a typo because how do you blow through $15,000 in 3 weeks without something to show? These problems with her did not start overnight. If she's over 18, kick her butt out. You are under no obligation to support her. As of now, you're letting her get away with it if you allow her to live in your home with either no job or no school.

Also, the title of your thread gives me pause. While 18 and 19 are certainly teenagers, your use of this term seems to imply a younger age. I can't help but wonder if you think an 18 year old should be treated/disciplined the same as a 16 year old, or if your daughter actually is 15, 16, or 17, in which case, why would you allow her to treat you this way?
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Old 03-17-2011, 08:59 PM
 
Location: Arizona
1,192 posts, read 1,112,375 times
Reputation: 1468
I feel for you. With that said, I was once that teenager, I started acting out at 15 and nothing my parents did or said mattered to me. I was going to do what I was going to do no matter what. I would dissapear for weeks on end, show up at home when they were at work and exchange clothes. Once I went back and they took all my clothes and locked them up. After that they changed the locks. I was in a really bad motorcycle accident and my parents saw me for the first time in the ER almost dead. That for me was my bottom. I decided after getting out of the hospital that I either had to change or I would die. I put myself into drug rehab facility and have been clean ever since. The only advise I can give you is stand your ground. Don't give in to her and her friends, and don't give up. She will eventually come around when she hits her bottom. Before my first marriage at 22 I was at my parents house for dinner and after dinner my Dad and I were sitting at the table and he said to me, "you know, you had all the makings of a really rotten person, but you turned your life around and I am really proud of you". Those words I will never forget. Give her time, but don't give her money. If she continues, lock her out. Good luck
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Old 03-17-2011, 10:55 PM
 
Location: New York City
2,808 posts, read 3,715,376 times
Reputation: 3071
When you say you are afraid of her and her friends, what do you mean?
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Old 03-18-2011, 10:18 AM
 
422 posts, read 362,518 times
Reputation: 467
First off I am so sorry and you do NOT deserve this treatment. She sounds like a selfish entitled brat. I imagine that you have tried to talk to her and have been ignored. First thing is cut off access to any additional money. No excuses and no sweet talk from her to get in your wallet. I know you say that you have health problems. How severe? I mean, are you physically able to move about well or are you stuck in a chair most days? If you can move about and she is of age put her out YESTERDAY. Once you cut her off she will steal everything not nailed down to get money. If you are afraid for your safety change the locks and put her stuff out while she is away. Give the police a courtesy call so that they can respond quickly should she show up and make trouble.

I am sure that you love your daughter but if she will do this to you now what will happen when you get weaker ? How badly will she want the money you may have that she can't get to? And if she is on drugs she will kill you to get money for them if she thinks you have it and are holding out on her. This sucks but you cannot go down the drain with her. At some point she has to take responsibility for her own life.
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Old 03-18-2011, 10:02 PM
 
Location: California
24,922 posts, read 15,525,138 times
Reputation: 17274
I don't believe any of this. Does anyone???
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