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I'm not really sure. I stated the reasons she gave.
She was furious when I told her to stay out of the situation with dd#1. Dh read the message I sent and agrees it was polite. That's when she posted the crap about me on line. She blew up when I told her the only help I wanted from her was to encourage dd to get back into counseling (which ddil thinks is the WRONG thing to do with dd) Neither she or dss know the nature of the issue with dd#1. According to her postings, she and dss have been "taking bets since dd#1 was 6 as to when she would beg them to let her live with them". They picked 16 and she boasted she wasn't far off. Problem is, dd never expressed an interest in living anywhere but here until ddil threw gasoline on the fire.
Seriously, I think the woman thrives on drama. She likes to be the center of attention. I'm kind of surprised this has lasted this long but I guess I shouldn't be. Dss hasn't spoken to his brother or my brother in 5 years because of blow ups with her and them and I don't remember the last time they attended a family function. Seems she's always asking him to pick sides. He's kind of stuck with her.
I don't think it's a coincidence that this occurred when they were trying to reconcile. I'm sure dss thinks she was just trying to help with dd but he does not know the nature of her issue so he may not realize that neither of them can help. I've told them that but I got called a "know it all" and "superior" for claiming to know what ails my dd better than they do. I think she found something to have a united front with dss on at a time when she desperately needed it to save her marriage. I suspect she intended to take dd#1 in. I'm sure dss thinks she was just trying to help but dd was going off of the deep end when ddil was involved. Even dd's therapist has cautioned us to keep her away from dd. She fed every dark and depressing thought my daughter ever had and the only thing I can figure is that she wanted dd to move in with them so she could be seen in a positive light by dss after her infidelities. There was something going on there and I stopped it in the bud and that got ddil MAD!! Fortunately, for her, she got pregnant with baby #5 shortly after all of this transpired. I think she thinks this baby will save her marriage. Dss can't afford a divorce anyway. She'll get 70% of his paycheck between alimony and child support.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 06-22-2011 at 09:04 PM..
I wouldn't give her another thought. I'd delete her from the mental directory. I can't do that because of the kids. Unless dss finally divorces her. Then I might have a chance at it.
I hope if she is indeed mentally ill, that she gets the help she needs....growing up with a mentally unstable mother is not what anyone wants. She can only change herself, and if she is indeed sick, I hope she gets help.
Life is just way too short to have such meaningless drivel.....but sometimes it's too late for people to realize this.
I hope you find peace with this; but I think until you're ready to open your heart and mind to the children (they are not responsible for this nonsense) your best bet is to stay away from it all. I think ultimately what you want, and that's ok.
Did it ever occur to you that your problems with your DS could be related to your colld-hearted view and approach to relationships?
No. You have the cart and horse in the wrong order. I'm pragmatic about things after they happen. Might as well be. There's no sense getting too upset about what you cannot change.
I tried to understand you and offer a little support, but I guess that post was ignored. Something seriously went wrong in your relationship w/ your dil. You and her clash big time, and it's costing you a relationship w/ your step grandchildren. I think that being these children are from your stepson has separated you from really forming a loving bond w/ them. You have an issue that they are not your blood relatives, so why care and love them. Where is your dh in all of this? Does he not want to see the children? Why can't he play a part in picking up the children and confronting his dil?
It seems like you have thrown in the towel years ago w/ these children, and I'm sure they feel it. At this point, I think even you seeing the grandchildren is unhealthy for them, given the fact you have no desire to see their mother. I'm sorry things went so bad w/ you and her, but kids pick up on these things. If your dil hates you so and posts nasty comments about you on FB, what must she be saying to her children?
Being you seem to have no great desire to know these grandchildren, maybe it's best to keep the focus on your oldest dd for now.
Why would it be devestating? He's a baby. He really doesn't care. He's oblivious to all of this. Dss, I'm sure understands as I'm certain he doesn't want ddil and I in the same room without a mediator.
And it's not like I didn't try to see the baby.
once. You tried once in 3 months. You can't really be claiming to make an effort.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler
The whole situation is difficult because she's making it difficult. I'm allowed to come get the kids but I must make arrangements through dss to do so even though dss is in another state.
I find it funny that people are arguing about my not having seen the baby and are totally forgetting that she's made it clear I'm not welcome in her house. The baby isn't the issue here. The kids who are old enough for the curb side pick up are.
Why don't you make arrangements with DSS to have him bring the baby over when he is in town?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler
This is number 5. You get excited for couples when they are new parents and new parents need support. By #5 they should have this down pat. They've done this drill 4 times before. They're old hands at this. So, yes, it's a rerun. It's not like they're brand new parents who need help figuring things out and support. They know the drill inside out and upside down.
You might feel like this if it was an acquaintance, maybe even a friend, not when it is your own grand child.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler
My point, which you seem to have missed is that they don't need help from family. They've done this 4 times before and knew what they were getting into before they had this baby. It's not like they need the support of family. They don't. They know the drill. They're experienced at this and I'll let them to their area of expertise. I have my own life to take care of. The first couple of times around were different. They were new parents with their first. They were learning how to juggle an older child and a newborn with their next. #5 is a repeat of #3 and #4. Same drill. Different name on the birth certificate. I'm not too worried about them figuring this out. They know the drill.
Do you honestly think a mom with 5 kids and a husband who travels most of the time couldn't use a little help? really?
I asked a couple questions and brought up some good points several pages ago, and you didn't respond. That shows me that you have no intention of listening to any of us. You aren't going to spend any time with any of these kids because you don't want to. Simple as that.
I tried to understand you and offer a little support, but I guess that post was ignored. Something seriously went wrong in your relationship w/ your dil. You and her clash big time, and it's costing you a relationship w/ your step grandchildren. I think that being these children are from your stepson has separated you from really forming a loving bond w/ them. You have an issue that they are not your blood relatives, so why care and love them. Where is your dh in all of this? Does he not want to see the children? Why can't he play a part in picking up the children and confronting his dil?
It seems like you have thrown in the towel years ago w/ these children, and I'm sure they feel it. At this point, I think even you seeing the grandchildren is unhealthy for them, given the fact you have no desire to see their mother. I'm sorry things went so bad w/ you and her, but kids pick up on these things. If your dil hates you so and posts nasty comments about you on FB, what must she be saying to her children?
Being you seem to have no great desire to know these grandchildren, maybe it's best to keep the focus on your oldest dd for now.
I do wonder what she says to the kids. I would hope she'd have the sense not to say anything. Obviously, I had to tell my kids. They're the ones who saw the FB posting first. Fortunately, the worst of what she said was put in a private message to me on FB.
Thanks for your input. It's something to think about.
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I think she found something to have a united front with dss on at a time when she desperately needed it to save her marriage. I suspect she intended to take dd#1 in. I'm sure dss thinks she was just trying to help but dd was going off of the deep end when ddil was involved. Even dd's therapist has cautioned us to keep her away from dd. She fed every dark and depressing thought my daughter ever had and the only thing I can figure is that she wanted dd to move in with them so she could be seen in a positive light by dss after her infidelities. There was something going on there and I stopped it in the bud and that got ddil MAD!! Fortunately, for her, she got pregnant with baby #5 shortly after all of this transpired. I think she thinks this baby will save her marriage. Dss can't afford a divorce anyway. She'll get 70% of his paycheck between alimony and child support.
