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Location: Currently I physically reside on the 3rd planet from the sun
2,220 posts, read 1,878,203 times
Reputation: 886
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hobokenkitchen
Reading this makes me so sad.
My Mom is gay and to think that some parents would have not let their kids hang out with me because they were judging her is pretty heartbreaking.
Of all the people I know, my Mother is my greatest role model. I would actually be pretty proud to be just like my Mother.
I am straight and none of the friends that thankfully WERE allowed to hang out with me and have play dates are now gay. It's not catching you know.
I guess I would have the same problem as you do though, because I would have a tremendously hard time allowing my child to have play dates with someone who openly had 'issues' with various minority groups because I think an attitude is much easier to absorb than a diferent sexuality is.
So you wouldn't have let your kid play at my house when I was a child, and I would not allow my child to spend time in your home. How very, very sad and unnecessary.
I applaud your honesty and integrity.
You would not allow your children to spend time in a home that practiced behaviors and values inconsistent with your own.
I applaud your honesty and integrity.
You would not allow your children to spend time in a home that practiced behaviors and values inconsistent with your own.
No I wouldn't. But I am absolutely not happy or proud of this fact. In fact I think it is just down right tragic.
EDIT: Actually, do you know what - I actually would NOT punish my child by not letting them hang out with a friend just because I consider their parent to be sadly misguided.
I would explain to my child that the homophobic/ racist/ xenophobic parent was just confused and being silly.
There is no way I would want to add more foolishness to such a situation. Let it be on the other parent's head and with any luck I would have a kid smart enough to come to their own conclusions about who really had the problem.
This is not an issue in which I would be willing to become a hate perpetrator in any form. I may not like it, I may struggle with it, but a parent's choice to take such a stance is not their child's fault either so no - I would not punish the child for the sins of their parent.
Last edited by Hobokenkitchen; 07-16-2011 at 10:33 PM..
Probably getting myself in deep here, but I've never understood how teaching your children about homosexuality equals teaching them about sex. They seem like completely separate issues.
You don't have to explain the mechanics of the act to explain that some people like boys, some people like girls, some people like both, etc. So I don't really get why it is a conversation that needs to wait.
Homosexuality is not a sexual act in and of itself. If your child sees a man and a woman kissing, they're learning about heterosexuality. Or holding hands, or being married, or living together. Children are SURROUNDED by heterosexuality, but this isn't seen as adult or taboo or something that needs to wait until a certain age to explain.
It strikes me the same as when people say "I don't care if someone is gay, but I don't need to know about it...people should keep what happens in the bedroom in the bedroom." But heterosexuals sure don't- if you work and have a photo of your wife on your desk, you're announcing your sexuality. If you mention your husband just got a new car, you're announcing it.
I've got no horse in this race (I'm asexual), but that's always bothered me- as if being a homosexual is innately about sex in and of itself.
Location: Currently I physically reside on the 3rd planet from the sun
2,220 posts, read 1,878,203 times
Reputation: 886
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hobokenkitchen
No I wouldn't. But I am absolutely not happy or proud of this fact. In fact I think it is just down right tragic.
I'm not being sarcastic.
I truly do appreciate your honesty and integrity.
We often never look at ourselves objectively and question our thoughts and beliefs. It's hard and uncomfortable.
Unless I misunderstand it sounds like you are saddened by something you have discovered about yourself but still have the internal integrity to be honest with yourself.
I think I would be comfortable with someone like you having a relationship with my children because while you have a different opinion you still seem to respect others and in spite of your own discomfort find understanding and middle ground.
I certainly would not want someone teaching my children that their father is ignorant or a bigot. I wouldn't so much mind someone who would say, while I respect your father I believe differently because . . .
What I find offensive is the attitude that if you don't agree with me you are an ignorant bigot and many couple that with the insinuation that you are incompetent or abusive as a parent.
I'm not being sarcastic.
I truly do appreciate your honesty and integrity.
We often never look at ourselves objectively and question our thoughts and beliefs. It's hard and uncomfortable.
Unless I misunderstand it sounds like you are saddened by something you have discovered about yourself but still have the internal integrity to be honest with yourself.
I think I would be comfortable with someone like you having a relationship with my children because while you have a different opinion you still seem to respect others and in spite of your own discomfort find understanding and middle ground.
I certainly would not want someone teaching my children that their father is ignorant or a bigot. I wouldn't so much mind someone who would say, while I respect your father I believe differently because . . .
I AM saddened that my knee jerk reaction would be to do exactly the same thing that I disapprove of so strongly in another (not allow play dates with a parent who i strongly disagree with on an issue of such personal importance to me).
However I hope that I would be able to overcome my knee jerk reaction and behave in a way that I could feel happy with myself about. That would include being respectful but honest and true to my beliefs no matter who was asking.
So I don't know if you would want your kid around me. But I'm not gay - I'm straight and honestly if you're worried about having your child around anyone who feels strongly about the rights of gays & other minority groups you may find yourself refusing a lot of play dates!
I'm teaching her *my* values and morals. I disagree with the laissez-faire attitude that everything-goes-and-it's-all-good. "Legal" and "right" are not always the same. I may tolerate, but that does not mean I accept or condone. And I will at all times be on top of what is being taught to her, as long as I can, particilarly while she is young and impressionable. To me, "Suzy" has a mixed up momma who has found someone just as whacked to play house with. This is not a family. I'm glad this little girl receives love and caring in a nurturing environment, but let's not go overboard and make it seem just as "normal" a family as the traditional man-woman-child(ren) model.
Would you prefer to teach my child what your values entail while telling her that her father's are wrong? (Of course you would!) And from what position do you feel you have authority to do so? That your values and beliefs are somehow better than mine?
How about you teach your kids your values and leave mine alone? I'll extend the same courtesy to you. But there won't be any playdates going on...
I pity you when your daughter is a teen - she'll look at you with contempt for your ignorance and prejudice.
Location: Currently I physically reside on the 3rd planet from the sun
2,220 posts, read 1,878,203 times
Reputation: 886
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hobokenkitchen
I AM saddened that my knee jerk reaction would be to do exactly the same thing that I disapprove of so strongly in another (not allow play dates with a parent who i strongly disagree with on an issue of such personal importance to me).
However I hope that I would be able to overcome my knee jerk reaction and behave in a way that I could feel happy with myself about. That would include being respectful but honest and true to my beliefs no matter who was asking.
So I don't know if you would want your kid around me. But I'm not gay - I'm straight and honestly if you're worried about having your child around anyone who feels strongly about the rights of gays & other minority groups you may find yourself refusing a lot of play dates!
I'm not opposed to people who have different belief systems than mine.
I'm opposed to people who have no respect for others belief systems and believe they have not just a right, but an obligation to "fix" your children.
I disagree with this on an individual level and I disagree with it on an institutional basis. I believe this is social engineering, attempting to teach people "what" to think instead of "how" to think.
I had the same issue with the mormom church during my divorce. There were people who literally felt like they had an obligation to protect my children from me because I did "not" believe as they did. My childrens eternal salvation was at stake and they agitated an already difficult and volatile situation.
Do you have any age appropriate books you can recommend? If so that would be great. I would much rather explain it to her in terms a 4 year old can understand, rather than her seeing it on TV. I think her question came because seeing that confused her...she's never been around openly gay people or seen anything like that. Explaining sexuality is enough, especially with a preschooler. I think kids today are just overwhelmed with it, through media, music, clothing...it seems like everything is pushing them to look and act older than what they should. Add to this homosexuality and it just seems too way too much for me. I already feel like I'm forced to explain too much, too soon.
Sure..and dear friend do not make this complicated..this is something that faces are children are going to deal with and it id neither RIGHT or WRONG..it may not be something we choose for our children but being understanding will bring awareness..and not the opposite.there is enough hate in this world..
King and King
And Tango makes three
The Family book
Jack and Jim a picture book
Mom and Mum are getting married...
Part of the message that I impart to my children is that homosexuality is a poor choice and they should be cautious in their interactions with young people who are confused on this issue.
On another thread I went into detail about a relationship between my 13 year old daughter and her 13 year old friend who identified herself as lesbian. I believe at 13, this is not an appropriate situation and felt the school let me down in addressing aggressive sexual advances because the participant identified herself as "gay".
ummm..excuse me? Homosexuality is a poor choice?
Are you kidding me? Seriously?
You think for one minute during puberty and during the most taxing years of a childs life anyone female or male would WISH to jump SHIP AND BAT FOR THE other team?
You are greatly disillusioned..this has been the major factor of teen suicide!!!
BTW.. I am no teeny bopper..I am 37 ..and have friends whom have been near and dear to my heart that have tried to go against the grind..you know..did the double dates..pretend to fight what what they want...and I think I knew it before they did..this is what made their coming out to me so easy..
YOU ARE A FOOL...
One of my best friends? A female hispanic..and if you anything about hispanics? Gays and lesbos are frowned upon..stated to me..when my son was 3 and she came to visit? My son is 14 now.."If I could have been in love with a man I would have loved it,. if I could give my parents grandchildren the natural way, a catholic wedding to a man and kids? My mom and dad would have been in heaven!"
So honestly? ****! uNTIL YOU KNOW..
People love whom they love..and unless you have a direct 1-800 number to god? ****
I had the same issue with the mormom church during my divorce. There were people who literally felt like they had an obligation to protect my children from me because I did "not" believe as they did. My childrens eternal salvation was at stake and they agitated an already difficult and volatile situation.
So you remember how awful it felt to be judged like that and have everyone feel you were so morally wrong that your children had to be protected from you?
THAT is the exact same thing you are making others feel when you judge them for their sexuality, race or religion. Having gone through it yourself, how could you possibly want to make others feel the same pain of being judged that you did?
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